Terrible day. how does anyone find time for anything?

[kelce]

Just that really. DD almost 2 years old. I'm back to work full time, days pretty much nonstop from 630an-730 pm. I go to bed at 930 which leaves 2 hours a day for myself.

How am I supposed to fit : healthy meal prep, laundry, housework, EXERCISE, time with my husband, self-care, time to relax...

I feel shell shocked. Do other mums just never get to work out or do they try to squeeze it all in leaving zero time to relax or sleep?! How does everyone else do it?!

And yes, DH more than helpful when he's home, we like to spend time all together for dinner and bath/bed etc. Would that basically have to stop and us start alternating the night shift to get any semblance of time to do things mentioned above??

Feeling really low about it lately. Probably because I never have time for exercise or self-care!! Smh please help

Less sleep and no exercise here. Sorry. It does get easier, you’re at peak need to supervise at all times at the moment.

That's a long day out of the house. Can you reduce your hours? Or pay to take some of the load off - a cleaner/gardener/buy Hello Fresh or Gousto boxes?

My solution is working 3 days a week but appreciate that isn't an option/choice for everyone. On my working from home day I get laundry done, it takes 2 secs to stick a load in while waiting for the kettle to boil etc. Same with putting something in the slow cooker for later.

If you are able to reduce your hours would the reduction in pay be of enough benefit to your mental health? For me, absolutely! Even better if you can keep your child in childcare for even half the day off and you get that time to yourself.

Eat, sleep, work repeat. It’s shit. The hamster wheel of life.

I go to bed at midnight and rarely do exercise 😂 I'm not suggesting this is sensible or sustainable, but it's just life at the moment.

I do mainly work at home so can get a few bits done during the day. Days in the office are hectic.

I outsource some (like the housework). I do other bits at the weekend, like washing. Mainly though, I sacrifice a bit of sleep for 'me' time.

Also in that exact position… trying to navigate it. We put LO in nursery for a half day per week so we can just have “us” time for a few hours, go out to lunch or the cinema or blast stuff together in the house, tidying loft etc. Honestly it’s worth the £100 a month if you can spare it in our opinion! …. It’s pretty grim though but I tryyyyyy to enjoy the good times we have together!

Bed at 11 earliest, def no extra exercise than incidental and much more divide and conquer of tasks. Time with husband alone prob never!

Are you getting nine hours sleep? That's quite a lot, you could probably go to bed at 10:30pm and have eight hours sleep and gain an hour a day there.

Definitely divide and conquer bedtime! Take it in turns, while the other one does the dinner/clears up.

Could you also share mornings with your DH so you can get to the gym a couple of times a week before work?

Can you afford a cleaner, even a few hours a week will make a big difference, particularly if you also lower your standards!

That’s why I’m now fat, tired all the time and spend a lot of time doomscrolling and on mumsnet cause I’m too tired for anything else.

House is always a mess despite cleaner, we eat too many takeaways but thankfully I get some time by sending kids to grandparents the odd weekend for sleepovers.

Also sometimes just book a day off just for me.

And dare I ask...

How the F%*! does anyone cope with MORE kids when it's already like this with one?!

Another kid doesn’t make much difference…when your dc1 gets to about 3 you’ll start getting a bit more time back and then before you know it, the next one comes along!

It is shit and relentless.

My kids are 2 and 4 and there's never a second spare to even gather thoughts. I work 4 days a week and still feed the 2yr old through the night. I'm a walking zombie. No exercise here but I use gousto for dinner so it's at least good food we eat.
Barely any time with hubby. Zero time for me.

Two colleagues have children slightly older and these women seem to have tonnes of time to do stuff so I think it is the first 5 years that suck all the life out of you. It should come back...I hope!

To clarify, that's not my working hours, just when DD wakes/sleeps. She doesn't sleep through which is why I try to get to bed a bit earlier, and tbh I'm usually unwinding for 30 mins to an hour so not actually sleeping myself until later.

The exercise is the main thing that feels impossible to schedule in, and then I feel crap if I chose to go to the gym over spending time with DD where I'm working all day

@kelce I don’t have any answers unfortunately but I feel your pain. 2.5year old here. DH works away at sea for weeks at a time.
Alarm goes at 5am. Get ready, get DS ready, childcare arrives, I head to work for 8am, get home 6pm (20 min walk each way - I can’t drive for medical reason) bathtime, then DS spends half an hour showing me what he’s been upto that day & FaceTiming his dad, we read books then do bedtime. He’s asleep by 7.30. I then stick on a laundry load, prep DSs meals & snacks for the next day (family childcare who are happy to heat meals but draw the line at prep), feed myself, tidy up the chaos in the house from the day, shower & dry my hair, prep anything needed for work the next day, hang up the laundry. It’s usually at least 9pm by that point and I have had 30 mins sitting down since 5am (I’m on my feet all day at work doing a manual job) so I’m shattered and ready to climb in to bed.
DS then wakes at least twice a night 😴

When I gave birth to no2 I actually did think "what have I done?"
You forget how reliant a small baby is and just how good it is when they can walk all by themselves with no fear of ploughing into a table edge!

Can you split your hours at all? 2 days a week I finish early afternoon, come home, exercise and meal prep before nursery pick up and then finish work in the evening. It doesn't mean you have more time but it does feel a bit better somehow. But basically, I hear you. It's really tough.

We both prioritise enabling the other to exercise at weekends and most times I cook I make meals where half can go in the freezer. We have very little time together but try to prioritise a film night from time to time and the odd meal out with a babysitter staying home. I have a similar schedule to you but am up at 6 to get stuff done before our daughter is up. We go to bed at 9.30 too and similarly she goes to bed around 7.15. I also work full time and outside of childcare we don't have help eg cleaner etc as we can't afford it. Our daughter has just turned 2.

You're doing amazing. We all are.

I just feel naive. I really didn't think it would be this relentless. And don't get me wrong, becoming a mum has been more amazing than I ever thought too, but my god! It's nonstop.

Did our mothers' generation just have more of a village/tribe spirit culturally? I don't know why the examples around me seems like everyone else is fine. It's nice to hear I'm at least not alone. <3

I don't go to bed until midnight most nights and sometimes until 2am. Allows me to batch cook and do chores while I know the dcs will leave me undisturbed. Still up at 6.30am. (Those sleeping hours were normal for me pre-dc so I don't feel sleep deprived).
No exercise at the moment, I will get back into that when I can drop a day working.
Moved near to DH's office so he has a walking commute and is home earlier (I mostly wfh). When he's home we often split tasks so only one of us has one dc.
Don't get any time alone with DH but we spend our weekends as family time and that's quality time for us.

I do exercise but I just opt to get less sleep. I've got three kids (two are at primary school, the other isn't) and I get pretty much no time to myself unless I just stay up later.

I run because I love it but also it's really flexible, time-wise, and I just go after the kids are in bed. Obviously that relies on my husband being home but he usually is in the evening.

Do I want to go for a run at 9pm? No I don't. But it's then or never, and I need to get some space and some exercise to keep on top of my mental health.

There aren't enough hours in the day basically, so you have to cut corners somewhere and for me it's less sleep! My six year old has been a terrible sleeper since day one and my three year old isn't much better, so I'm pretty used to it by now!

It’s really hard. I’m a single parent and the only way I have ultimately coped was by dropping my hours to work part time (still don’t feel I have enough time). I will say that there are full time jobs and full time jobs and your working days sound particularly long and maybe not the complete norm.

Get zero time here too..my 7 year old goes to bed at 9 and my 2.5 year old is going to bed at 9:30. I think when they go to school it gets easier a little bit 🙂

@kelce I try 😅 you’re doing amazing too. I think it’s one of those things that you never really think about until you’re in it to be honest! And like you say, being a Mum is amazing. DS is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But sometimes it’s chaos 😅

Not sure about our parents generation tbh. My own mum didn’t work until the youngest of us was 11 so she was just always around and would go and do her own thing after my dad got home from work. They didn’t spend time with us together often other than when they were screaming and shouting at each other though. It was (and still is!) a very toxic relationship. We were a low income household too and really struggled.

I refuse to let my DS grow up in similar circumstances so if it means me running myself ragged to make sure we have decent income, he gets to do nice things and he gets time with both parents together wherever possible then I’m fine with that.

I have no idea but solidarity with a DS the same age and I don’t even work full-time! I still find absolutely zero time for exercise etc. We do have a cleaner though - we can barely afford it but I would recommend if it’s even at all possible. I’m home a couple of days with DS but tbh don’t find those days any easier, as he’s such a whirlwind.

I work PT

I WFH so can exercise on lunch break or when I would be commuting

We sometimes take turns to do DD’s bedtime routine

Weekends - DH and I each get one “slot” of time to ourselves eg I might do ParkRun or Cycling club

I work full time with 3 primary aged kids, as does my husband. I get up at 5.30am to exercise or after work while my husband preps the kids dinner. Between 530 and 730 we fly about doing homework, house jobs etc then eat at 730 once kids are in bed and chill til bed at 1030ish. We accept that the house isn't always super tidy, do the bare minimum we need to for an easier life.