Terrible day. how does anyone find time for anything?

[kelce]

Just that really. DD almost 2 years old. I'm back to work full time, days pretty much nonstop from 630an-730 pm. I go to bed at 930 which leaves 2 hours a day for myself.

How am I supposed to fit : healthy meal prep, laundry, housework, EXERCISE, time with my husband, self-care, time to relax...

I feel shell shocked. Do other mums just never get to work out or do they try to squeeze it all in leaving zero time to relax or sleep?! How does everyone else do it?!

And yes, DH more than helpful when he's home, we like to spend time all together for dinner and bath/bed etc. Would that basically have to stop and us start alternating the night shift to get any semblance of time to do things mentioned above??

Feeling really low about it lately. Probably because I never have time for exercise or self-care!! Smh please help

Honestly it is about priorities and something always ends up having to slip , especially if your DH isn't willing or able ( due to long hours etc) to pull his weight.

Due to health concerns I have recently changed my priorities so they are now

1. Top - Get in 40 min exercise a day
2. Top - Prep healthy meals
3. Mid - look after children
4. Mid - Keep up some resemblance of a career (work pt)
5. Low - keep house clean and tidy
6. Low - maintain garden

I have effectively swapped having a clean and tidy house for feeling healthier and better about myself. I think it is a good swap but the state of the house does make me a bit down sometimes. Unless you have money to out resource lots I don't think it is possible to have it all.

I don't prioritise a clean & tidy house, although I do have a cleaner. I prioritise eating from scratch all together - DH can't do this twice a week but the rest of us can & then I prioritise family time, then sleep.

It it impossible to fit everything in, I try & spend time with friends & family too & my dc do quite a few activities. childhood is so short really 🥲

This is life with a 2 year old IME. I prioritise rest and sleep so do no exercise and minimal housework. DH prioritises the gym so he can be on the go 6am-6pm (commute and work) 6pm-8pm (with DD) 8pm-10pm (at gym) and then bed at 10.30pm. He’s exhausted.

I work full time compressed, so do dishes and laundry on the lunch break of my 2 WFH days and when I’m with DD I do it when she naps, I batch cook one one or two of the evenings, eat ready meals when need be, change the sheets with DD’s “help” when she’s around, have a robot hoover and do online shopping deliveries when she’s in bed. Really need to get a cleaner to do bathrooms as they at best get a wipe round whilst DD is in the bath.

Oh and we do part alternate bed times, we both do the initial stages but alternate who sits with her while she falls asleep (she sleeps really well through the night so reluctant to change the need to sit with her at the moment). At weekends we alternate who gets up with her.

Also, we are definitely not having a second so I feel quite ok about the situation most of the time, and that things will only get better as DD gets more independent.

My kids are 10 and 14 now and I have quite a lot of time for exercise and seeing friends, mainly because I go the gym 6.30-7.30, which I never would have done when they were little, sleep too precious!

It does get better

🤣🤣🤣. 9:30pm that's the problem. DS is 10 but all that has changed since he started sleeping through us the time he goes to bed!

We get up at 6am and empty the dishwasher as we make breakfast. If it isn't dishwasher safe we don't buy it. Hang up washing, shower etc

Leave the house 07:45 home 17:30

Make tea 17:30-6ish eat and chill until 7:30ish as a family. The bath time and bed for DS at 9pm.

We then alternate so some night will be on the sofas other in the gym etc. we generally both hit the sofas after that for 10pmish.

I clean the house once a week on an evening and pay a cleaner once every two weeks.

I think certainly more of our parents’ generation could afford for one parent to work. Both my mum and my MIL had a few years off work.

We have only managed better since I dropped a day at work to do errands while my son is at nursery, and it still became the only day I could exercise. I’m about to have my 2nd so will lose all that again.

We have a dog, so exercise for us is up and out when the toddler is awake in the morning before work altogether. Toddler on trike. Dog running. Outdoor gym in the park. Not as good as a hiit class maybe but good enough for now. And really nice family time.

Sometimes can fit a workout in at lunch, but I'm pregnant now and knackered, so two walks a day is it for me. We prioritise cooking from scratch, but a lot of times it's quick like wholemeal pasta with loads of veg, chickpea prawn veg curries etc. Stuff that takes 10-15 mins. Rice, potatoes, veg, sweet potatoes, squash etc roasted in the oven as a batch on another day or weekend that can be chucked in as accompaniments to meals.

Cleaning has fallen to the wayside, but we're renovating atm and that's a time drain. We will get a cleaner I think when renovation is done, and baby number 2 is here. Weekends we try to see friends and family, but honestly we're tired a lot. I don't know if anyone has tips to get more motivated and social? If we push past it we enjoy it. But then feel terrible in Monday.

It is hard, it feels like constant logistics juggling. We're lucky in that we get to WFH a couple of days a week each which really helps.

I should say exercise wise I do walk every day, for about 45 mins at lunch time or try to do a walk with DD when I’m with her. If parent and toddler yoga was a thing I’d go to that but I see that it might not be very relaxing trying to do yoga with a toddler! I have contemplated starting swimming again on a Tuesday after DD in bed but not got further than thinking about it, but when DH and I or my parents and I go swimming with DD we take turns to do a few lengths.

So we were just starting to get out of this terrible war of attrition- our DS was 4 and then I went and had another baby. So absolutely in the thick of it again.

But I think age 5+ you get a lot more of your time and energy back.

What worked for me prior to second baby:

Fitting me time into the working day- gym at lunch, nice walk with audiobook.

Work from home a couple of days a week and stick a wash on/life admin stuff (appreciate not possible for all but it really helps feeling like I have a grasp on stuff)

Always clear up dishes etc on kids time- don't do it after they've gone to bed, so you can come down and there isn't all that to do

Take it in turns to give each other some alone/hobby/socialising time at the weekends, like alternate Saturday afternoons

Make sure that you're not accidentally being left with the lion's share of the tasks- eg are you the nursery primary contact? Do you just sort stuff out without your partner even knowing about it? Who does the weekly online shop? Who remembers birthdays and buys presents? It takes effort to truly divide all the tedious tasks, because it seems quicker to just do it yourself. But once it becomes a habit then it's just natural. Make sure you use a joint online calendar/organiser so both parents are clued into everything that needs doing.

It does get better with age and with sleep. That's why I had another with a relatively large gap- I needed proof that it gets better!

It will get easier. Do you work from home at all? Can you squeeze some exercise in on your lunch break? Run/walk home from work?

Mine are a bit older, 4 & 6. It’s only been the last six months that I’ve been able to consistently exercise but some mums manage it earlier. I do some at lunchtime or after they’re in bed. And then an hour or two at the weekend.

It’s really hard balancing work and kids. If you want to exercise you could go during bath/ bedtime. Start taking turns. I used to go jogging for a quick half hour whilst dh did bath time. Then we had dc number 3 and bedtime became a two person job, and now I never exercise 😢

I actually think it's easier to do exercise when the dc are younger, once they get to school it's a whole other juggle