Terrible day. how does anyone find time for anything?

[kelce]

Just that really. DD almost 2 years old. I'm back to work full time, days pretty much nonstop from 630an-730 pm. I go to bed at 930 which leaves 2 hours a day for myself.

How am I supposed to fit : healthy meal prep, laundry, housework, EXERCISE, time with my husband, self-care, time to relax...

I feel shell shocked. Do other mums just never get to work out or do they try to squeeze it all in leaving zero time to relax or sleep?! How does everyone else do it?!

And yes, DH more than helpful when he's home, we like to spend time all together for dinner and bath/bed etc. Would that basically have to stop and us start alternating the night shift to get any semblance of time to do things mentioned above??

Feeling really low about it lately. Probably because I never have time for exercise or self-care!! Smh please help

I know my mum and dad had a lot of help from both sides of the family. A lot of my childhood memories are with my grandparents rather than my parents.
My parents also went out loads at weekend and had parties etc. Mum says it was a different time and that in the evening she just wanted us to sleep so she could go make her wedding cakes (hobby).
Pretty sure we were left to cry which I do not do with my children.

I don't know about your mother but mine didn't have to work when we were young. I have a big age gap between my 1st and 2nd baby. With my first I was lucky to not have to work until he was school age, I was studying when he was a toddler.

you haven't been naive the way society is set up at the moment it feels to me we as mothers are doomed to fail, I keep thinking it was never this hard with my first but that's because I wasn't trying to hold down an almost full time job when he was a baby. We keep being told how lucky we are because we can "have it all" but I don't feel lucky, it feels as though now as well as bringing up children and looking after a home I also have to work, keep fit, look good/young, hold down friendships/ have a social life, spend quality time preferably child free with my husband, oh and self care. It's impossible and it's unfair and it's exhausting.

some thoughts from your OP, could you do bath and bed 2 nights a week, Dad do it 2 nights a week and do it together 1 night a week, could be a nice Sunday ritual? Then on the nights you're not doing it could you do a 20 minute workout, YouTube have some great workouts.

it does get easier as they get older, you are in the thick of it right now, you're not alone, sometimes I feel like I'm drowning.

No exercise or healthy meal prep. I don’t believe it’s possible when you’re already on the go for 13 hours a day.

DS is 5 and I’m just starting to manage once per week but it’s tough. You give it all up when you become a parent. It’s crap!

Full time with an infant is rough.

Realistically you can't do it all. That's why people become SAHMs or Ds.

So prioritise, and cut as many corners as you can.
Some people can get away with barely any exercise but they make up for it by eating well and getting enough sleep.

Some people absolutely have to exercise for physical and mental health, so get yourself out for a 30 minute run and forget about the washing and cleaning.

You need to think about what, on balance, is the most important for your physical and mental health, and prioritise those. Forget about the rest, or outsource it.

Also you don't have to go to the gym for hours to get some exercise. A 15 minute walk is exercise.
Anything is better than nothing. I think sometimes we think we should be doing 2-3 hours a week for it to be worth it. We really don't.

You’re not alone

im staying up for 10 minutes now on my own just to wind down but I’m shattered

i compressed my hours, that saves a day childcare bill and gives me a day with 2 year old but with that comes longer hours on other days. Exercise consists of walking from one desk to another and the daily dog walk

I really need one pot meal inspo so I can prep and chop night before and whack it all in the ninja on slow cook before I go to work

they are the best years for fun and their growth but I have no idea how others appear so organised and smashing it

I do zero exercise, meals are basic or pizza, laundry on weekends, partner and I are resigned to spend time together when kids have grown up a bit.

I really struggle with this, working full time and three kids (older so no childcare) but no time for me or for exercise really! I used to eat healthier too when I was working part time and had time, feel my health is being compromised as I have no time!

I work 4 days a week, and we have a cleaner and HelloFresh for 3 meals a week. My OH works long shifts so is usually out the house 6-6. I always keep something in for oven tea, for when I am too tired to cook, but I struggle to find time to batch cook.

Something that helped me was to reframe exercise as self care - rather than another chore. Also I think that something is better than nothing. I squeeze in a 10-15min brisk walk after I drop my DS at nursery and before starting work. Then I do weight lifting with some at home barbells - this I fit in after bedtime and before dinner. I used a weight lifting program called ‘Couch to Barbell’, it’s brilliant and basically gets you the maximum exercise for minimum time. It usually only takes me 10-15 mins.

I will say that I don’t really have any hobbies anymore (other than video games which I play after dinner). But once DS is older I plan to get back into my sewing and crafting.

Also I went to be at half 9, woke at midnight and can’t get back to sleep, so I’m thinking of it as some bonus me time lol! Although I’m gonna be tired tomorrow!

I don't work full time & the lates I get home if working is 3:40 & my dc are in school. I still don't have time to exercise much nor does DH but have time for pretty much everything else.

Did our mothers' generation just have more of a village/tribe spirit culturally? I don't know why the examples around me seems like everyone else is fine. It's nice to hear I'm at least not alone. <3

Yes, other things were easier too however my mum, aunts, family friends never went ti the gym etc, exercise was walking

I work full time with 3 primary aged kids, as does my husband. I get up at 5.30am to exercise or after work while my husband preps the kids dinner.

Does your dh do the same?

Having a child is why I went from a slim gym goer with a clean and tidy house, to a fat, exhausted slattern with a messy house. They I developed a health issue which means I lost the weight, so, um, yay?! Am even more knackered now, though, so do even less!

I walk for exercise on my lunch hour. Also I walk the kids to school/nursery and then pick them up again - this can mean I get 1.5 hours walking in a day.

Is your job one that could be done from home potentially? I find wfh a big help as can throw a wash on in lunch break or put on the dishwasher etc

Exercise either before you go to work and dh looks after dc or after work before you pick up from nursery or whilst dh has dc. Honestly it’s the first thing to go on my routine but the thing I value most. Take it in turns to cook so that your not always having to. Get dh to take dc out at weekend so you can batch cook for a few hours and help in the week make that job bit easier every few weeks. It is non stop- especially if you feel isolated. Neither of dh or my parents live close enough to see them regularly but if they did I would use that time to do some of the jobs too. I’ve just gone back to full time and it’s definitely the little bits that you notice needing doing more

It is SO hard

I work F/T in a stressful job and my DH is self employed. We have a 4 and 9 YO. Luckily I wfh 3 days a week but it's relentless.

I currently have 6 loads of washing sat to put away!! Kids have been digging through to get clean underwear all week!

The problem I find is we are so full on at the weekend as well that we never really do anything properly.

I've recently gone back to the gym as well so struggling to fit that in. But am determined, lol

Honestly I do it by working from home and my job doesn’t take me actual full time hours to do, and my company is fully supportive of me doing whatever hours I actually need to do. My day looks like up around 6:10, shower, grab the coffee in the machine I set the night before, in my home office at 6:30. I usually run around and tidy about 9, when DH has left to take DC to school. 11:45 I go for either a run (back by 12:30) or a swim (back by 1:15). Lunch in the microwave and eat at my desk. Usually spend 30 minutes prepping dinner in there somewhere. 3:30, leave to pick DC up from school, back by 4:30, make dinner while talking to her/she helps, eat as a family around 5:30, DH does back at 6:30, I do stories at 6:45-7:15, Dc goes straight to sleep. I go up around 9:15, asleep around 10. DH and I each take a night or two off most weeks where one of us does all of bed time.

If you can find a WFH job, just not commuting is a game changer, but also anytime you’d be scrolling around on some nonsense, bung some washing in instead 🤷‍♀️.

Well I’m a sahm so take my suggestion with a grain of salt but I do ten minute yoga videos 4 days a week. It’s not much but it does make a huge difference! Probably not ideal of course but I thought I would throw that in there.

I think women's lib, will be shot down in flames for this, actually resulted in women do it all.
My mum didn't work, my sister, with children, hasn't. Culture of men then was that they were the bread winner.My sisters husband is unusual! Not a wealthy family.

I choose sleep over down time tbh. I do an online Pilates class at 6am 2 times a week, plus have my horse so that’s my exercise although I’m pregnant so not riding. House just gets a low level wipe down most weekdays and proper clean happens at the weekend.

Sister and me born in the early 60s.

Here in solidarity it’s tough. I work 5 days over 4 and still feel like I don’t have time. I tend to get up of 3 those days at 5 to head to the gym for 5.20 then home by 6.30. DP is home with baby and will get up with her when she wakes. Then it’s all systems go getting ready for nursery drop offs and work etc. early morning is the only time that works for me to exercise, I could go in the evening but I can’t be arsed after a long day.

I also get it and feel your pain, OP. I used to exercise every day in some shape or form and have time to cook healthy meals, read - something I love - and I had a spotless home. I also had an amazing marriage.

Now, I cannot shift my baby weight as I rely on sugar and white carbs to fuel non-stop days (and sometimes even nights) and an insatiable appetite due to breastfeeding and being run ragged every single day. When my baby finally sleeps, I have just about enough energy to then tackle the bottomless mountain of laundry. I miss my husband. And sleep! So I must say I’m sure many read this and they’ll be so envious of you being able to sleep for that long - wow, what a dream!

I’d sacrifice an hour of that long sleep potentially for some exercise - whatever is most important to you. We also had to resort to carving out time for ourselves alone as it was the only way we could get some rest. My husband uses him to go to the gym and I might ask him to take the baby for a long walk while I have a bath and have a nap.

It’s really hard, you have my sympathy. I used to be out of the house from 7 til 5, cos I left work early. Do kid stuff, eat, bath etc. Then work 2 more hours, then bed. It used to infuriate me when people said I’d find time to exercise if I made it a priority!
It does pass though, and quite quickly!