I think if people knew the mad, bonkers roots of strict routine-based parenting they would run a mile instead of buying more books about it.

[pruners]

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we are not meant to just "know" these things -
we are meant to have watched our mums and sisters and aunties do them for years and we are meant to have lots of help doing them, rather than struggling on on our own, by ourselves, in our own little boxes. no wonder we all go bonkers.

agree with that harpsi. I feel the best thing I can do for any mother to be is just share experience if it's asked for. Have just got off the phone to my boss whose wife had a baby last week - spent the whole time saying "I know" "Exactly" "yes it's just like that" and "oh yes I remember that"!

And what a sweetie, he found a bf consultant for his wife and wants to pay for her to go and visit a friend of his too. He's become a convert!.

I think there is a lot of differing views out there about what is and isn't attachment parenting. Here is my thoughts.

What is attachment parenting ?
Dr Sears defines AP as "a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents." In practical terms this means that AP parents are more likely to share certain less mainstream parenting tools including some or all of the following. i.e. babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby led weaning, positive discipline, elimination communication and home schooling.

Do you have to follow ALL of the above mentioned attachment methods ?
No. Every parent chooses which attachment parenting tools are right for them to promote attachment within their family.

Basically AP parenting methods vary child to child. Some children want to be carried in a sling, where as other children prefer to be in a pram. Ditto co-sleeping/cot and nappies/ECing. If people are insisting you HAVE to do something in order to be AP, they don't really understand what AP means.

I had absolutely no 'instincts' at all. I hadn'tr wanted children and I was totally at sea. But mostly I went with the flow. I quite agree that maybe you need help with the basics - they helped me to bathe DS#1 in hospital the first time, I got advice re bfing, and changing a nappy.

But I do think there must be a problem if you have to rely on a book to such an extent that when you deviate you worry about it.

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I think these books always, always underestminate babies

I have NEVER managed to work out how to mould my kids to my will, NEVER.

It would have been utterly impossible to follow a routine with either of my first two, because they screamed they place down if denied milk for 3 seconds or put anywhere aside from the sling or our arms.

dd2 is much "easier" and will actually fall asleep by herself. She will, if put in her bouncy chair, sometimes wail for a minute then fall asleep (I have 3 kids under 4.5, sometimes one of them has to scream ).

If she was my only one, jesus I'd be smug, I'd be thinking "wow, my easygoing parenting has produced a laid back child"

Sadly I learnt my lesson with ds/dd. ds never tantrumed. He never went through the "nonono" phase-he said "yes" and smiled, fgs. Naturally I assumed this was my fabulous parenting. Then dd started tantruming at about 10 months and never really stopped...

All mine are different. Same parenting

Well... This thread makes LOADS of sense

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