Newborn won't be put down! Going mad.

[Tiddybiddy247]

Hello, looking for hope and perhaps some advice. I've a 5 week old baby boy. Birth was not easy, forgive me for not knowing the abbreviations for stuff, Also writing this on 3hes sleep. First week of life baby slept relatively well in his next to me crib but was feeding every 30 mins, was told it was cluster feeding. Second week still no more than an hour between feeds and all the books said should be 2-3hrs between feeds. I'm breastfeeding. Midwife said it was a growth spurt and he did have a big weight gain. Third week it was the heatwave and they said he was just thirsty. At this point I started cracking. So we introduced formula 30ml to start with, then 60, so my DH could do a shift. Which meant I get a 3/4hr break in the evening, usually until 12.30am.

Fourth week I paid for a lactation nurse, she said everything was ok. But this week he started having bad gas/wind and now will only sleep on me. Feeds to sleep, I try and burp him he cries, wakes up and want to feed again. I've been sat here feeding since 1.30...its now 4.30. I tried refusing him and rocking/patting and shhh. It worked and he fell asleep. Waited 15 mins, put him down and he woke himself up. I had swaddle him.

Sorry for long post but I'm sat here crying my eyes out. It seems never ending. The start of another week just trapped on the sofa breastfeeding 😭😔

Will it ever end? Will he ever let me put him down?

He will, it's so hard at 5 weeks. They're cluster feeding and it seems never ending but it will end.

In the meantime could you try a stretchy wrap? It will keep baby close and on you without feeling like you have to hold all the time

Sending hugs, it feels so hard when you're in the thick of it xx

It will get better. I'm afraid it won't be tomorrow though! It will gradually change slowly enough that you don't notice.

In my experience feeding that frequently is perfectly normal. Mine would have a 45 min feed, then 45 min the other side. I would get 30-60 minutes before the next feed. I just had to accept that he was a child with a crazy appetite. As long as your baby is gaining weight and producing wet and dirty nappies, you're golden.

I know it's hard. This part is relentless. Do keep trying to put him down, but quite often he just needs his mummy.

Sending hugs

It will end and he will eventually let him put you down. It is really hard and I remember the nights sat watching TV at 2am with my newborn as he just wouldn't settle and wanted to latch on for hours on end.

All babies are different, mine basically woke every 2 hours for boob until I stopped feeding him at 13 months when he basically slept through ever since. My daughter has generally been a better sleeper 2nd time round.

But it is completely normal and will settle around 12 weeks if not earlier. I would say hang in there as once you've gone past this stage, breastfeeding is soooo easy. As I say though all babies are different, and if it isn't for you then that's ok too. Your baby might be like my son who wakes every 2 hours for a year and you aren't happy with that. (I was too lazy to do anything about it and just co slept and fed to sleep everytime). But he also might be like my friend breastfed baby who from about 10-12 weeks has given her 5-6 hour gaps between feeds!

Thank you 👍 I'm just sat on the sofa crying my eyes out. Little sod has fed to sleep and I can't be bothered to burp him. It'll only start again...oh wait no he's back on it. He thrashes around a lot as well!

I've tried a sling he cries because he can't feed. If he's asleep and I try and put him in and he wakes up and cries 😫 I have a fabric sling and a traditional kind of strap in one.

It's approaching 5pm and he's still feeding 😭 all my friends are telling me to bottle feed him. That bf is overrated and I'm making it harder for myself.

It's true I've barely left the house since he was born.

I'm currently sat on the sofa snuggling my 10 week old because she'll only contact nap during the day. I only just now feel like I'm getting to grips on this motherhood thing and found the first few weeks (9 to be precise!!) extremely hard. I remember around 5 weeks completely sobbing in bed whilst breastfeeding for lots of reasons, tiredness, sore etc.

Babies are very sleepy the first few weeks and then start to become more alert. It's true they have growth spurts and I remember asking questions like yours and was always told it was a growth spurt however I feel that is an excuse when no one really knows the answer. However there are points in time they are actually going through this.

This won't help you but the last few days I've been up every half hour to an hour at night feeding and don't know what's changed but just like us some days we are very hungry and sometimes we're not. I've also read that they don't always need to be fed when they wake up maybe they're cold, can't transition into the next sleep cycle which is around 30 mins or they just want a cuddle. Maybe try and comfort him for a while before feeding. If he really is hungry he won't settle.

I've also read something recently that suggested getting full feeds in during the day (for my babe it's supposed to be around 8-10 a day which has made me think I'm not feeding enough) and this will help with night time sleep and feeds. Just remember though your babe only has a tiny tummy so needs feeding often. It is so hard I know but keep doing what you're doing. Everyone has said this to me and it means nothing at the time but it will get easier..... and then something else will come along to disrupt everything again. I'm just at the point where my DD is smiling all the time at me and it honestly makes it all so worth it.

For me weeks 5-8 were the worst and I felt completely useless and like I had no clue what I was doing and just in survival mode, still am really!! Make sure he's getting plenty of rest in the day no matter what form that comes in and feeds every 2-3 hours. That's all you need to focus on for now. It will settle down. Your babe is learning as much as you are and they've been so comfy in your tummy for 9 months and been brought into a world where they aren't constantly full and now have to do things for themselves with your help and feeling lots of things they're not used to. Sorry for the long post too but felt I should say all that because I'm not far in front of you and been exactly where you are.

You're doing a great job mama!!!! 💜

You’re doing so well! You crying is totally okay, though I know it feels awful. It does get better. In time. I honestly take my hat off to new mums.

My twins wanted to feed round the clock and most days I would eventually have to shove them in the pram. It wasn’t fair on my two year old otherwise, and they would generally give in eventually to the pram (there was always a bit of protest initially). So my only advice is to get someone to take the baby for a walk in the pram at every opportunity. DH when he’s home from work? A willing grandparent? And sleep sleep sleep while they’re gone. Ask them to give you an hour. Even an hour will help.

Congratulations on your baby. I promise it gets easier sooner than you’ll realise. And it doesn’t just get easy, eventually it does actually get fun too!

@Tiddybiddy247 just seen your latest post. I may get annihilated for this but if I was to start again I would definitely bottle feed along side BF. I've exclusively BF and wanted to get DD onto bottles for some of the feeds and am really struggling with it she's totally refusing and cries inconsolably! It's only now I've realised that means I can't be away from her at all because no one else can feed her which is a huge responsibility. If I was to offer advice to anyone I would definitely say introduce a bottle either with your milk or formula so you have options and can get a break. You won't be letting you or your babe down, you have to do what's best for you!!
I was adamant I wanted BF and it's going very well but now feel stuck that I can't have a few hours away from DD for fear of her needing to be fed.

Sending hugs and solidarity. My dd was a bit like this, I found it so difficult because I had a toddler too (who had been way more chilled out) and I was conscious of how much I ended up leaving him to his own devices while I dealt with my needy princess of a baby. It did get better and a sling helped a bit. She is now 12 and still very insistent on regular hugs!

It will pass and fgs don't beat yourself up over bottles if you choose to supplement or even switch, although I know it's hard not to (also have that Tshirt).

So - remembering back 17 years and, not sure this is answering the question you're asking, but I still remember it and offering it just in case it helps.
I took a winseyette (spelling suss) flat sheet - folded it in 4 (so it's relatively thick), place on lap before feeding under baby so it warm. Then when they then fall asleep slide arms under sheet and cradle whilst baby is asleep and put baby (with sheet) in cot. No cold moment to wake them.
Also, when baby was feeding DH would quickly change the nappy on my lap as this was less disturbing this way. Then they have time to carry on feeding after and barely wake.
Other things that helped were - 1. accept there will be no sleep and plan for it - managing expectations helped me, 2. get boxset ready every night so you can enjoy watching something, 3. get hot chocolate in flask or similar waiting. In other words look after yourself.

Oh and yes crying definitely totally ok (everyone does it) and yes it gets better soon.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I've tried making his side cot and moses basket warm before putting him down. I think it's the farts last week, when he's on his back he arches and starts doing massive farts that eventually make him cry. Or his arms start Flapping wildly and he punches himself in the face. He's so flappy. I hope it's not damage from the forceps to his brain! Kind of dramatic but I sit up a lot at night googling things...4th trimester, co-sleeping, cluster feeding, colic... you name it and I've poured over the internet in the wee hours until I feel scared and overwhelmed. I'm my own worst enemy in that respect.

Looked down at him through my tears just now and he was looking up at me with his big eyes. Doing a massive smile! I was like "omg you are so lovely! Look at you smiling!" Then he goes red and does a massive fart...😳😅

You need to check your expectations. You're feeding your child, who is just 35 days old. Who has spent 9 months in your womb. We are mammals. We aren't designed to just thrive independently of mother. Babies contact napping or feeding to sleep aren't problems. What is a problem is the expectation that somehow babies can be put down and life continues as normal. Life changes.

Any idea why they kick and thrash like a mad thing from early evening onwards? He thrashes around and pulls on my nipple's (which are basically numb Af now!) His legs kicking, arms smacking him and my boobs. Drags himself off the boob and then cries, frantically trying to get back on. Replay for hours!

It's hard to use my phone or concentrate on TV.

All this is easier with more sleep. I normally get 4.5hrs a night. But last night was 2 or 3.

He usually sleeps well after his formula at 9pm when DH takes his shift and will sleep until 1 am or sometimes 2! Then he sleeps through the night, not really creating a fuss. Wakes for a feed 2 or three times but stays asleep thouout

Put the phone down and turn the TV off. Focus on the baby. Have you been shown different nursing holds?

@Tiddybiddy247 sounds like he is stimulating your breast for more milk. They are very clever creatures you know! They will squish their head into your boob and sometimes thump it or massage it and it's just their way of stimulating your supply. My babe does it, literally doing it as I type, sometimes I think she's going to rip my nipples off. All totally normal behaviour 💕

@Tiddybiddy247

That's called the witching hour.
Sounds like baby might be windy/ colicky?

Have you tried a dummy to help settle him? I breastfed and used a dummy and no latching issues.

The dreaded witching hour yep 👍 think I'm just having one of those days where it all feels a bit much. Some days are easier than others. He usually gags on dummy and spits out. He has taken it once and fallen asleep with it. But that was on DH who doesn't smell of milk I guess...

Really unpleasant response. OP is stuck under a baby for most of the day, she’s got plenty of time to focus on the baby, do some googling and watch a shitload of tv, probably with time leftover. I’ve definitely been that mother frantically googling to work out what might be up with my baby, it can become a bit obsessive but only OP knows if she’s doing more harm than good with the googling.

Yep TV has been off since lunchtime when this started. Only picked up my phone in desperation to reach out to someone on here ... tried side lying in bed and can do it but the last two times he drinks so fast and gulp that he starts choking and this morning sprayed milk out his nose and vomited. It was not nice for the little guy. Tried rugby hold but he's a very long baby. Very long legs and it's tricky. Also he has a large injury to the back of his head from delivery that made certain holds tricky from birth. Thankfully that is slowly healing 🥺

Definitely windy, which is something that just started last week really. Week 4. Trying to burp him every time and make sure he does. Read about some products that might help. Going to ask GP at the 6 week check for advice

Might be worth looking into craniopathy especially as you had a forceps delivery. This can make a massive difference to a fractious baby.

Did the wind coincide with the formula starting? My little ones have CMPA but the symptoms didn’t really fit the standard, but I was EBF. I wonder if your baby could possibly have a non-ige allergy. But I don’t want to be dishing out medical advice over the internet, maybe just ask the GP if it’s possible and whether it’s worth giving up milk for a bit to test it.

Absolutely don't give up milk on the advice of some random. Your baby is windy. Babies are windy. Their intestinal tract is still very young and it takes a few months for the windy periods to go. It's all normal. If you're wanting to remain ebf then formula needs winding back. Find a breastfeeding group locally, they'll be able to advise. X

Formula top up started week 2 and wind week 4. Midwife said it was a very minimal amount of formula was so not to worry. She also told me BF babies don't need winding...

He has a little tounge tie but they rated it a 6 and not affecting his weight he has had a massive weight gain. Private lactation consultant said his latch looks good and he's feeding beautiful so don't worry...