Newborn won't be put down! Going mad.

[Tiddybiddy247]

Hello, looking for hope and perhaps some advice. I've a 5 week old baby boy. Birth was not easy, forgive me for not knowing the abbreviations for stuff, Also writing this on 3hes sleep. First week of life baby slept relatively well in his next to me crib but was feeding every 30 mins, was told it was cluster feeding. Second week still no more than an hour between feeds and all the books said should be 2-3hrs between feeds. I'm breastfeeding. Midwife said it was a growth spurt and he did have a big weight gain. Third week it was the heatwave and they said he was just thirsty. At this point I started cracking. So we introduced formula 30ml to start with, then 60, so my DH could do a shift. Which meant I get a 3/4hr break in the evening, usually until 12.30am.

Fourth week I paid for a lactation nurse, she said everything was ok. But this week he started having bad gas/wind and now will only sleep on me. Feeds to sleep, I try and burp him he cries, wakes up and want to feed again. I've been sat here feeding since 1.30...its now 4.30. I tried refusing him and rocking/patting and shhh. It worked and he fell asleep. Waited 15 mins, put him down and he woke himself up. I had swaddle him.

Sorry for long post but I'm sat here crying my eyes out. It seems never ending. The start of another week just trapped on the sofa breastfeeding 😭😔

Will it ever end? Will he ever let me put him down?

Yes definitely don’t. 100% don’t. But if I had continued thinking my babies were just windy and hadn’t cracked one day (at the sheer amount of wind and accompanying anguish) and phoned the HV in tears then I’d never have even known it was a possibility. Sometimes babies aren’t just windy and it’s not “all normal”. How does OP know which category her baby falls into? She talks to a medical professional and the necessary assessments are made. Which is all I recommended.

I really appreciate all responses and take from each one something useful. I'll totally mention it to the GP next week and see what they say. My gut is telling me it might just be another newborn thing that's started up. But you know. Feeling like just gotta get through each day at a time right now

What I’d say is how you feed your baby is totally your choice. If you don’t want to carry on breast feeding you can stop. You are allowed to make this choice. Likewise you can carry on if you want to. Your mental health and wellbeing is important.

Hi OP, my son was called a velcro baby because he wouldn't be held by anyone else or want to be put down ever. I have to now practically beg for a hug some days, he's 9. It will get better you're still in the very early days. Would a sling help or trying to feed in more comfortable positions. Sorry I didn't read the whole post I'm rushing but a hand hold and solidarity, early cluster feeding days feel endless but enjoy the little cuddles. Also co sleeping safely meant some decent rest and sleep for everyone.

Both of mine were sleepy and slept a lot for the first 2-3 weeks.

After that they just cried and problems with feeds. And just unsettled

First kid didn't really improve for months.

Second one better by about 4 months.

I think its normal for them to start crying more after the first 3 weeks. They are a lot more aware of what's happening. I think it'll improve but will take time. Usually by the time the baby is 4 months old.

If baby is gaining weight well I don't think you need to worry.

It will end. Ignore the books and feed on demand. Expect your baby to need you. Adjust expectations. Ask for and accept any help offered that you are comfortable with. Make sure your partner is taking on his share of the load.

If he is thrashing around a lot I wonder if he might have reflux. Look up some tips for reflux babies and see if they are any help? I didn't have babies with reflux and they didn't do the thrashing around thing. I know that it's meant to help to keep them more upright or tilted rather than lying flat, this might be why he didn't want to be put down?

I think having an expectation of having some time when you aren't attached to a baby is ok and something you can work towards. The babies needs don't trump the mothers is all circumstances.

Have you tried feeling him lying down and then inching away once he's asleep? I couldn't do that all the time (although some people do) but on the nights when I just couldn't put them down I used to do it. Both mine also dribbled milk everywhere so I used to put a muslin underneath!

Can you not sleep 9-1am? That's quite a good stretch for a newborn. The thrashing and looking uncomfortable could be slight reflux? Or maybe his latch means he's taking in air? Can you find a new mums breastfeeding group to go along to and speak to them. I did that and it was really helpful, and also nice to get out the house.

I had Velcro babies - pfb being the absolute worst but she liked slings and wasn't feeding all the time.

Rugby hold - was suggested to me with wind by lactation person we saw- other thing are you sure he's getting hind milk otherwise they do just have feeding spurts as they push up your supply to meet their needs. Also is he definitely feeding and not just wanting the nipple in mouth - knew a mother who needed to use dummy for that reason.

I'd also rule out reflux - you can slightly pop mattress up with care to help but being more upright helps there but I'd have expected you to notice he'd prefer being more upright - it was very clear with DS.

Sort out feeding laying down on your side it will change everything!

Section on setting yourself up here from the NHS.

www.nhs.uk/start-for-life/baby/feeding-your-baby/breastfeeding/how-to-breastfeed/breastfeeding-positions/#lying

How is his weight gain? My baby was feeding constantly when I was BF and was gaining weight very slowly. Every time I put him down he woke up straight away. I decided to just formula feed as I couldn’t do it anymore, he gained weight so fast after that and slept longer.

I’ve been in your shoes OP, and I’m so sorry you are struggling. My DS couldn’t breast feed. He would latch on for a while then push away screaming. An hour after feeding he was back for more. It was relentless and I was in tears the whole time. I had cracked and bleeding nipples, then mastitis. In the end my mum told me to get some bottles and formula and give myself a break. I did and immediately everything was much better.

It was only much later that I met a mum whose DS had a tongue tie, and they told me he couldn’t breast feed at all until it was snipped. My DS has a tongue tie too. Suddenly I realised he wasn’t able to get enough milk breast feeding due to the tongue tie, and was starving the whole time.

Honestly, if you are able to crack the breast feeding that’s great but if you don’t then don’t feel bad about resorting to the bottle. Fast forward 20 years and my DS super fit and sporty and is never ill.

I missed your post when you said about the grade 6 tongue tie. Sounds like I hit the nail on the head. Tongue tie babies can’t breast feed. They can latch on but can’t get a strong enough suck to get a proper feed. I have one too and was the same. Switch to bottle.

Hang in there, it will get better, my little one used to contact nap exclusively on me during the day, she wouldn't be put down and she didn't want anyone else. It was dragging me down, but I just started filling the time with reading books on my Kindle, as I love reading and it was something I was missing the most during the early stage, I must have read something like 50 books back then but it kept my sanity. So during the sitting time with your little one just find something you could do that you enjoy (preferably not baby related), like watching a TV show, reading, listening to music. Time flies by, this too shall pass. x

Thanks again everyone for lots of advice and experience obviously coming through in the comments. Just handed over to DH for his shift. After breastfeeding since 1.30 this afternoon. Nipples feel rubbed away!

Will look into reflux. Baby hasn't been weighed since third week and my last midwife appointment but he'd gained lots. Biggest weight gain the midwife had seen. Not got a way to weigh him at home.

At the moment I'm telling myself to try and keep going with BF until he's had his first lot of Jan's at 8 weeks. Be nice to try and comfort him straight away with a tit. Then if things are still feeling unmanageable, start weaning him off by end of third month. ..

Just hope that he grows out of being stuck to me all the time. I've found a local BF support group. Now just have to get him there. He'll cry all the way there but I'll stick some headphones in. I don't drive and it's a 15 min walk

I'd also be looking at why he's so windy, I'd guess he's allergic/intolerant to something in your diet. Reflux is likely an issue too. He's feeding to relieve the discomfort, and is more comfortable propped up on you than lying down. Did you start eating more of something since the issues started?

I tried reading when he was asleep but the sound of pages turning woke him up and he cried 😅 plus I'm so tired some days I'm dizzy or trouble focusing and worried reading will make it worse. Might try kindle on my phone because phone reading not as bad x

Op the early weeks are SO tough and intense I've been there a few months ago! It does get better but those early weeks are just pure survival.

My ds had a slight posterior tongue tie. He was also assessed as not needing correction but his wind was horrendous and he'd have cried for hours every night. We ended up going private because eventually he couldn't feed efficiently enough and lost lots of weight. It resolved the weight loss when we got the tt cut and the wind at the same time. Tt can also lead to issues with speech so tbh I'd push for it to be cut. At the very least you can then rule it out as a reason.

Wearing ds in a sling, dh taking on the bulk of cooking and cleaning, Bluetooth headphones and lots of Netflix and sleeping during the day when ds napped got me through. I'd have expressed a few oz of milk from 4 weeks on and dh would have given ds a bottle while I slept for a few hours when he got in from work so I wasn't going into another wakeful night on no sleep. If you haven't already I'd look into the wonky winding technique and paced bottle feeding. They really helped us.

Again don't cut out dairy without advice to from a lactation consultant as its a big part of most people's diet and can therefore reduce milk supply.

This is HARD and you are doing amazing.

Hmmmm I'm not sure about my diet. It's pretty varied and always was when pregnant. Something to consider I suppose

You can try Libby - it's a free app that allows you to borrow e-books from your local library. And yes, I agree, sleep deprivation and reading are not the best match, in my case I just couldn't sleep on demand and reading helped me a lot.

Op it sounds really hard.
Don’t feel you have to hang in there or carry on if you are finding it all too much!
Its important that you look after yourself too.
There’s no shame at all in switching to formula if you feel it’s needed. Nobody wins an award for pushing themselves to the brink to continue to breast feed just like they don’t for giving birth without pain relief. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter how baby is fed. I wasn’t able to breast feed at all, but my ds and I have a lovely bond.
Do what feels right for you and your baby.

Could he have silent reflux.. and gets comfort from sucking .
The early evening thing sounds so familiar for me .
I agree with the poster who suggested taking out in the pram amap.
May e a dummy ?
It is so so hard.
It will get better and be a distant memory

Remember that reflux can be silent - no sick, it's swallowed back down but it's painful for them.

We had 7 months of silent reflux. All doctors said it would resolve itself by a year and it did, but it was really hard at times.

Would only sleep upright for 7 months.

Speak to your GP and don't let them fob you off if you instinctively feel it isn't normal.