Newborn won't be put down! Going mad.

[Tiddybiddy247]

Hello, looking for hope and perhaps some advice. I've a 5 week old baby boy. Birth was not easy, forgive me for not knowing the abbreviations for stuff, Also writing this on 3hes sleep. First week of life baby slept relatively well in his next to me crib but was feeding every 30 mins, was told it was cluster feeding. Second week still no more than an hour between feeds and all the books said should be 2-3hrs between feeds. I'm breastfeeding. Midwife said it was a growth spurt and he did have a big weight gain. Third week it was the heatwave and they said he was just thirsty. At this point I started cracking. So we introduced formula 30ml to start with, then 60, so my DH could do a shift. Which meant I get a 3/4hr break in the evening, usually until 12.30am.

Fourth week I paid for a lactation nurse, she said everything was ok. But this week he started having bad gas/wind and now will only sleep on me. Feeds to sleep, I try and burp him he cries, wakes up and want to feed again. I've been sat here feeding since 1.30...its now 4.30. I tried refusing him and rocking/patting and shhh. It worked and he fell asleep. Waited 15 mins, put him down and he woke himself up. I had swaddle him.

Sorry for long post but I'm sat here crying my eyes out. It seems never ending. The start of another week just trapped on the sofa breastfeeding 😭😔

Will it ever end? Will he ever let me put him down?

Weeks 5 and 6 were the worst with both of mine - they’re having growth spurts and feeding like mad to keep up, plus you’ve had now over a month of sleep deprivation so the deep over-exhaustion is setting in and it feels like a never ending tedious grind. I noticed a definite, tiny, day-by-day change from just after the 6th week both times. Not every day and not huge, but eventually by degrees much better. I reckon things were feeling much less crazy by week 7/8. Sounds like you’re doing a great job, and it will get better!

I bought an iPad and a little bean bag to prop it up on so I could lay down and feed and watch on the sideways iPad. I watched all 8 series of Game of Thrones over the top of my peacefully sleeping/feeding DS's head.

This sounds very similar to our experience early days! It will get better I promise although you are probably sick of hearing that! We are at 12 weeks now and feeding just works so much better.

If you are particularly keen on breastfeeding (and it doesn't matter if you are not!) I just wanted to say that we used formula for a top up, then for slightly longer stretches during the night. Honestly things didn't turn around for.us until DH .could take baby so I could sleep a while. Once I had more rest bf went so much better and we gradually phased out formula (replaced with expressed milk). I also pumped before I went to sleep to make up for the demand that was missed by giving her formula if that makes sense. She's now exclusively breast fed from the source or from the bottle but still occasionally has tremendous farts to be fair! And she definitely still needs burping although we don't bother in the night as it just wakes her up.

My local Breastfeeding support group was also an absolute lifesaver!

I know everyones journey and every baby is different so I am not saying that it will work for you BUT Friends/family/internet/Mumsnet all said that basically introducing formula into the mix was the end of the road for breastfeeding and (in my case) it really wasn't (unless you want it to be! I still find bottle feeding just as good as bf for our bonding). I just wanted to pass that on as it was something that sent me into a spiral and I honestly would have had a mental breakdown if the consultant at the support group hadn't put me on the right track and I got some rest from DH doing a formula feed.

All the best I hope you get some rest.

So you said you saw a lactation consultant. Was it and IBLBC, as anyone can claim to be breastfeeding expert or a lactation consultant but an IBLBC is a protected term.

did they observe a feed, and show that baby is transferring milk effectively. My eldest was severely tongue tied, had a division which reattached and all the issues started again. Windy, crying, never satisfied, being sick, she was gaining ok but then when the milk production changed from being hormonally driven to supply and demand she started to refuse because she was basically living on the let down, the letdown and poor latch was causing the wind and squirmy ness. Her weight stagnated then too

divided again and latch improved and she was a different child

I’m so sorry OP. I do know exactly how you feel. To make things worse I tried letting my husband combo feed formula to catch a break just like you but it turned out that her body wouldn’t accept formula. Not even the expensive hospital grade kind. She would projectile vomit it everywhere which left it all up to me. 😭🥲

I thought I was going insane but it did get better eventually. I think I felt it get a little better at 3 months and then a lot better at 6 months when she was introduced to solids.

I know that both those mile stones feel like an eternity away when you’re in the thick of it. I remember a mum telling me that and I just sobbed at the thought of it all. But it goes passed quickly. I tried to focus on other things to keep my mind off of it like what kind of cute halloween costumes we would put her in or her first pictures with santa and what dress she would wear and such.

Don’t feel bad if you have to put her down and let her cry for a few minutes to make yourself a sandwich or to go pee or even just to catch a breath in the other room to collect your sanity and give your back a break then do it! I so so wish someone had told me that because I felt immense guilt letting her cry. But you are not a bad mum!

You are doing everything right it’s just this bit is really tough for some mums depending on the baby.

Gosh I know it so well! Mine is 6 months now and happy as Larry playing with her toys on the floor, but by god did she give me some grief for a while - just would not be put down anywhere during the day and cluster feeding all evening. I have a toddler too so couldn't just sit with the baby.
I know everyone says it, but a sling/carrier is the way forward. I can't get on with stretchy wraps, so used a BabyBjorn One. She was in it ALL day for maybe 3 months or so (sorry, it did take a while). She just came out for nappy changes and feeds really, and just slept in the carrier for the rest.
It is so frustrating and it feels never-ending. Slowly but surely it will get better.

You're doing amazing mama! This does sound very familiar though, why don't they sleep?! I had a baby on me for many months just breastfeeding endlessly, best advice was to find a good series and relax (I watched the entire back catalogue of celebs go dating and it will always have a special place in my heart for keeping me company 🤣)

I also felt a lot better once I realised that what was going on was normal, and I leant into it. And getting out and about helped, even knackered just get dressed get out the house feel a bit more human (your only 5 weeks in though I mean in a few weeks or whenever your ready no rush)

I know everyone says this but it does pass, this snuggly days are so hard and I guess I didn't know many babies before I had one because apparently it's all completely right - they just want their mums ❤️

Oh yes, and the burps thing is one of the worst thing about babies IMO! Both of mine have been a nightmare for it. My baby is 6 months now but it's still a big issue. After she has fed, I burp her and then, I gently shake the stomach area, and if I hear a sloshing sound, there's more burps in there. I do all kinds of manoeuvres to try and get them out, otherwise she won't sleep. Sometimes it is enough to drive a person to the edge of reason, especially in the middle of the night. Often I have to hand her over to my partner to see if he can do it, and vice versa.
It's particularly difficult when they're newborn and all curled up, and can't hold their heads up.
It's a problem. A big design flaw!

I'm not sure if this helps...

My baby was very poorly at birth with a heart condition and we got her home after life saving surgery at 8 weeks. I had been expressing in the NICU but by the time I actually got her to latch on when we were allowed (7 weeks), my milk had halved and halved again. Because we weren't allowed to tire her out, I was allowed to offer the breast at home and then top up each feed with formula. I had a weaning plan to take away formula and gradually have more breast milk - she has been fully breastfed now for 2 weeks.

...all this to say! She is fine now in terms of trapped wind, but when I was supplementing with formula there were times she cried so much and was clearly in so much pain with trapped wind that we almost took her back to hospital. Now on just breast milk we have no issues.

Alternatively, if it's not the formula, it could be his latch.

I haven't got anything useful to say but it is SO fucking hard. Somehow it gets better and somehow you do survive.

It will get better. Just take it day by day and try to get any break you can. I noticed with mine that the boys were much hungrier than the girls!!

Hi OP

I won’t give you any advice because everyone’s baby is different, and I think ultimately everyone just has to work it all out for themselves through trial and error. But I will say that breastfeeding for hours and hours and hours and never ever wanting to be put down is, in my experience, totally normal and not a sign that anything needs fixing. Babies grow and they grow out of things, usually without any special intervention from us. Trust your instincts and do what you really want to do, not what other people tell you to do. It all gets so much easier and SO much more rewarding, so hang in there.

Well said.

Milk allergy is much rarer than it seems to be thrown about on forums - try the other stuff first. You could try cutting out milk if you wanted to persevere with BF and nothing else is working but it's a pain in the arse and often dairy allergy goes along with other things like soya and eggs, which are often offered as alternatives to dairy products, so it can be a pain and some forums will swear that you have to cut it all out for 6 weeks and then people find their baby has calmed down but... one of my friends confided in me "I think she would have calmed down anyway because she'd just got a bit bigger and out of the fussy phase..."

It is definitely a game changer IF your child does have a dairy allergy and I'm not saying that it never happens, because it absolutely does, and it's probably a bit more common than the medical professionals would have you believe, but it's also not the answer to every single possible complaint a baby could have which is what some of the BF forums would have you believe, and it's not a good first line thing to try because of the difficulty in cutting it out.

(If you do decide to: Do a trial for 4-5 days. You should see an improvement by day 3. In the case of milk allergy typically you do need the ~6 weeks for symptoms to totally disappear, but you should see SOME improvement in a couple of days and if you do not see this, it's probably not milk allergy.)

Love this 😊 my DH suggested a plan for something similar. Had sleep and now back on shift lol but feel better and so encouraged by the comments.

Thank you for taking the time x

Just wanted to say thanks again for all the information and comments, for sharing your experiences. It makes me feel like I can do this! X

Sympathies OP! We are on week 9 and been having very similar issues, we've gone from very frequent but shorter feeds to them being more spaced out but lasting forever. She had a TT cut at four weeks and I'm pretty sure it wasn't done fully. We have issues with the latch and the screaming, arching etc which I think is reflux. Getting an assessment this week from the local feeding team to see if we need to be referred back and I'll go private if needed.

But I mainly wanted to say we do rugby hold (the only one we can do after early issues with latch) which is where she latches most easily/fully and I also have a long baby with long legs! It's not ideal but you have to prop yourself up with plenty of firm cushions and then their legs go alongside the cushions at the back so you get a bit more space. Good luck with it all!

My baby did all the crying and thrashing around when cluster feeding. Eventually I realised that if I turned off TV and sat in a dark room shhing her, patting her back and comforting her, she would feed more effectively and stop the fussy feeding, though some evening fussiness is totally normal for all babies. She also fed extremely regularly - it felt like it was constantly really - as a newborn for many weeks. Eventually what really helped me was giving in and cosleeping as the closeness calmed her and she would feed less, and I could also latch her on whilst lying down and drift off to sleep, but I know cosleeping isn't for everyone.

Cosleeping saved me. There are ways to do it safely. I would lie down with my baby, feed to sleep then just fall asleep myself. You don’t need to burp a breastfed baby, they don’t swallow air like formula fed babies do. Just let him feed to sleep then leave him!

I failed miserably breastfeeding after only 6 days. You are doing amazing. Well done!

Yanno breastfeeding is how I got into console gaming. If they're permanently attached then may as well do something that you can do sitting down.

His only job in the world is to get your milk supply established. He has to feed a lot to do that. It's mind numbing and frustrating. It does pass though. I was always to lazy to do the bottle thing, too much faff and there's no guarantee it'll work anyway. Some babies are just velcro.