My DC is 2. Ever since they were born I have these episodes every once and awhile and I try to ignore them and focus on all the good parts of parenting. But then the feelings get bigger and bigger until I finally have a mental break down and sob into my husband's chest like a baby while they're in bed sleeping.
I feel like I don't have much to go on. I feel like it's really hard to get a grasp on who I am as a person. It might sound a bit juvenile to say but I feel almost like it would be easier if there were more main characters in books, movies or TV shows that were parents. Not just a parent whose kid quietly exists in the background but actually interacts with them and is an active part of the story.
But I just don't know how to get past this.
A big part of who I am is being an artist. But when I do my art I used to have to very much exist in my head up in the clouds. My child has grounded me. I think it's a good thing in many ways and I am trying to embrace it. After all my child needs me to exist in the here and now in reality. But it has made working on projects impossible.
Since I can't work on my projects I feel a huge loss of self. I keep telling myself it's temporary and I will miss these years with DC later on bit it's still very hard for me some days.