Don’t enjoy being at home with toddler

[ammmmmo]

I have a 15 month old and work three days a week. On the two days I’m off, I feel the need to constantly plan something to do just to get us out the house, as my toddler just gets irate being indoors. He won’t play by himself, his attention span is about 3 minutes, and then he’s bored of whatever he was playing with, and I’m sorry to say this but I find it so boring. I feel the need to constantly fill the time, and then when something doesn’t work out - for example today, he usually naps 12:30-2:30. Instead he was so tired and fell asleep at 11:30 and woke at 12:30, and I literally just cried because I can’t bear the thought of having to try and entertain him for 6 hours straight until bedtime.

My husband doesn’t get it and tells me that I should just enjoy the time with him. Honestly it’s making me feel like I want to up my hours at work so I don’t have to look after him all day. I enjoy him in small doses, two full days a week (this is not including the weekend) is just too much for me.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a terrible mum? :(

You are not a terrible mum.

Put him in nursery full time.

If your husband doesn't like it he can stay at home instead.

Ditto above. Can you do 4 or 5 short work days instead? Or maybe your DH should reduce his hours and you increase yours, if he thinks it’s all fun and games to be at home

I'm with you although mine is slightly older. It is tough to fill those two days! I try and get out as much as possible and have a treat for myself during nap time/evening. I'm guessing it's gets better and we just need to get through this bit!

I deffo feel this way. I don't want to work more and I have found over my time my own little routines, made friends with little ones to hang out with etc but that all comes with time (I have two DC). You're still only 15m in to your first. Your DH btw is being a wanker, he should be supporting you. As PP said if he reckons it's that amazing why doesnt he reduce his hours and look after your DC then?

Key for me was like you getting out the house, we always have a happier time of it and we all enjoy our time together being out. But days when one or both are sick/weather is horrendous (I don't drive)/nobody I know is free to meet up etc yes there are some bloody trying days!! My youngest is nearly 2 and hes poorly and thus crying most the time, so today is a looong day for me just punctuated by school run twice.

Totally get it. I felt this way on my non working days (I work compressed hours) until DS1 was about 22 months - and then suddenly, he was a little boy! Who was fun to play with, with an imagination, and the ability to also play on his own!

It gets better.

Also, you’re not a bad mum if you put him in nursery full time. And your DH is being a dick with his “you should be grateful” comments.

I agree. 20mo and I've just had 3 days off with her and it has been exhausting and expensive going to every baby group/ play date at coffee shops/ driving to see family. She hasn't napped well either so I've had about 3 hours to myself this week. DH at work from 7am until 4.30/5pm and the days are LONG.

It's okay to not enjoy this stage. We pay people full time to do it because it is hard work. I have to say as I see how fast she's growing I am trying to soak in every minute a bit more but I only have the occasional day off, not regular 2 days. I'm sure I'd feel differently.

DHis off today and I'm WFH and so far I've basically had to do everything because he's finding it all too much. So there you go.

It is boring. I would hate a full day with nothing planned. Assuming he's walking can you go for a very slow/low key walk where you let him pick up every stone/leaf/piece of litter and put it in a wee bag or something? Or splash in puddles then come home for a bath. I read a piece of advice on here that was if things are kicking off or you're bored then either leave the house or run a bath! I'd say that's good advice. Once they turn two things get a bit easier, slightly longer attention span and you can plonk them in front of the telly for 5 mins peace.

It is crap. You're not a bad mum. 12-18m is just a really annoying stage. Go full time if you like, but now my two are bigger (2 and 4) my day off with them both is my favourite day. I definitely wouldn't have said that 18m ago!

I remember this!! I only had one day at home with mine through the week but still found it so hard. It got better once they were over three I would say, but during the young toddler years it was HARD. No advice that you haven’t already been given, just sympathy.

Yeah I agree with this too, from 3 its sooo much easier and more enjoyable. But then I had the second around from my eldest being 3yrs 4 months so I only got 4 months of that golden time hah.

Thank you all so much for your replies, I’m so grateful that you understand me because I really felt like I was just the worst mum ever who for some reason could not enjoy spending time with her son. I don’t want to regret this when he’s older because I know how fleeting this all is, but it’s still so hard.

DH is a teacher so has both DSs full time in the holidays. He is also one of the few men I know who doesn’t think their wife would be happier part time and spending a couple of days with their preschooler(s).

Mine are much older and I didn’t even consider being other than full time…it doesn’t suit lots of people and I am a much better parent for that balance (as was my DM who also worked FT and I adore!).

I remember this well and you do just need to get out and about. If Yupik are home on regular days find some classes so you always know what you will be doing. Toddler groups, swimming, tumble tots etc. At least one per day possibly two with a short nap in between.
ironicalky I found it easier when mine dropped the nap. We replaced it with a quiet hour in front of tv when he turned two.

At that age, my daughter would have got bored playing on her own. We did go out for a walk to the park several time each week, but most of the time I sat on e floor playing with her, which she never got bored with. I never felt any pressure to take her to groups at that age, and just occasionally went to Tumble Tots, and I don't think its really necessary to have things planned every day.

That was the worst age for me! I used to do a playgroup of class on the morning, lunch then nap. After nap we'd go to the library, park or do some shopping.

Being in the house would just lead to both of us being fed up. It's much better now he's more interested in crafts and playing with toys, rather than emptying shelves and crying at my feet.

DH did two half days of childcare for our DD at this age. He'd pick her up from nursery and pootle about with her outside for another hour or two. She didn't tend to nap much as nursery so by the time they got home she conked out for hours..
He could not have amused her at home for half a day.

I was the same and ended up putting ours in for an extra afternoon so I got a small bit of time to myself before work and it really helped get through that stage.

Two days indoors sounds dull for both of you. I had to wait in all day on Friday for some building equipment to arrive and I was climbing the walls by 3pm, let alone my toddler!

We do something in both wake windows. In the morning it's usually breakfast, play, then some kind of forest school/muddy play type/class, then lunch somewhere and his nap, and then we either walk to the park, or go to a playground, or go shopping... then a bit more play, then he helps make tea, teatime, sesame street, bit of play, two books and bedtime.

I've never been the type of person who was very happy being in the same place all day anyway; but DH was and it's been a bit of a change for him to have things planned, but it works SO much better that way. Otherwise you're basically inside four very familiar walls; trying to entertain someone with a lot of curiosity, but the attention span of a fish.

I'd try that, and if you don't enjoy that, up his nursery days. If your husband wants to have him, he can, but otherwise - you are still enjoying it, and your toddler is still getting stimulation. Win win.

"My husband doesn’t get it and tells me that I should just enjoy the time with him." hmmm does he ever have him one to one? Or is the weekend both of you parenting? Because if it is maybe you should have a lovely day to yourself and he gets to be the only parent in the house trying to entertain his child. I am sure he will just love it.

Pinterest is great for indoor activity ideas, just thinking ahead to winter where it will get more difficult to be out and about. But if you can afford it put him in nursery for 4 days and have a day where you can get things done without trying to entertain a toddler. It is hard work, toddlers are hard work. It doesn't make you a bad Mum. He has other children to play with and next to at nursery.

Oh god, I can only offer solidarity. I have a 14mo and I work 3 days a week. She is going through an extremely whingey and clingy stage and is also trying to reject her afternoon nap. I love her but... god

I'm trying to plan in advance now with mum friends who also work part time. I take her to the supermarket, which she enjoys. and thank god for soft play!

I HAD to leave the house. I remember having a walloping meltdown when our plans were cancelled because I couldn't face the day.
I had a list - of every single activity. I knew when library sing and sign sessions were, the quieter softplays, any toddler groups. Different playgrounds etc. And then a list of indoor activities too.

You don't have to love everything about being a parent in order to be a good parent. Make your peace with the fact that sometimes it will be fantastic and sometimes it will be shit. The only thing that matters is that you show up regardless. Sounds like you are doing great - keep getting out the house and making the best of it. I found it much more enjoyable once he got to 18months and was talking more, learning more and physically more capable.

I am right there with you ... my 13 month old DS is amazing and I work 4 days a week, spending Fridays with him alone, and every Thursday night I go to bed thinking "dear god what am I going to do with him until DH gets back from work tomorrow"

He's still on two naps which is just awkward. We don't do an activity before nap 1, which means stuck in the house for 3+ hours. We go out after his first nap (soft play etc) but like others I end up spending a fortune. Then nap 2 ends and I am faced with the seemingly endless gap until bath and bed. We walk the dog, he screams at me for baby crisps or biscuits, cries because I won't let him torture the dog or get in the bin etc... by the time DH gets home I basically fling him at him and get myself in the shower and hide. It makes me feel very guilty.

And then of course on my work days I miss him loads!

Re: your DH - how often does he look after your child on his own for a full day? Assuming it's never, you want to instigate that asap. Arrange a day out and leave him to it. You might find he changes his mind rather swiftly. You could also suggest he goes down to four days, and you go up to four. I suspect he won't be keen.

I found being at home with a small child really hard and didn't enjoy it at all. Hats off to people who can sit on the floor playing all day, but I find it unutterably boring and simply cannot. Mine was 12-18 months during the worst of Covid so we did a LOT of walks, and once things opened up I took him out into town in the buggy on my days with him so we both had something to look at.

At that age I got everything ready the night before, breakfast and then straight into town, pootle around, picnic lunch, then into the car for nap time and transfer to the cot. Two hour nap, then in the afternoon out for a local slow walk or supermarket shop.

I found mine much more fun after about 2.5, and then 3.5 onwards was delightful.

I used to feel like this. My DS became much better company just before he turned 2, and now our days together are much more fun.

I work 4 days which I think is a nice balance.

Make sure that your DH has some time with just him and the toddler at weekends - so you get some toddler-free time, and so he can appreciate what hard work it is!

Personally I've always preferred getting out and about with my DC when babies and toddlers. I don't think I've ever spent a full day at home entertaining any of my children, even through lockdowns! Luckily we have loads of classes and places to entertain children where we are, so they've always had a packed schedule of classes or visits to toddler-friendly places. For me it takes the pressure off trying to find something to do with them, because everything is set up for them to enjoy already, and there's less tidying when they're out of the house all day.