Don’t enjoy being at home with toddler

[ammmmmo]

I have a 15 month old and work three days a week. On the two days I’m off, I feel the need to constantly plan something to do just to get us out the house, as my toddler just gets irate being indoors. He won’t play by himself, his attention span is about 3 minutes, and then he’s bored of whatever he was playing with, and I’m sorry to say this but I find it so boring. I feel the need to constantly fill the time, and then when something doesn’t work out - for example today, he usually naps 12:30-2:30. Instead he was so tired and fell asleep at 11:30 and woke at 12:30, and I literally just cried because I can’t bear the thought of having to try and entertain him for 6 hours straight until bedtime.

My husband doesn’t get it and tells me that I should just enjoy the time with him. Honestly it’s making me feel like I want to up my hours at work so I don’t have to look after him all day. I enjoy him in small doses, two full days a week (this is not including the weekend) is just too much for me.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a terrible mum? :(

I have a sixteen month old and trust me there is nothing idyllic with being at home with him! On days he is at home like most people, I have to get out and about as it's the only way to stay sane. I really miss time to myself and the ability to just chill at home. Its one of the things I find hardest about parenting a toddler! And like everyone else here, I love him dearly but it's a grim age, some days I have to dig deep to make it to bed time!

He goes to nursery two days a week when I'm at work and honestly I'd put him in full time if I could afford it. He gets far more stimulation and socialisation from nursery than I can give him. Not really any advice but just to say solidarity!

My morning today, and this is a work day...eldest has wet the bed, on discovery of the wet bed we also find the toddler asleep in eldest bed! This is at 4.45 am, toddler does not go back to bed.
Whilst hanging the now washed bedding out on the line, 5 mins before the school, nursery and then work run. Toddler is found playing in the bbq just behind my back, head to toe in coal...there is no joy to be taken from that.

Some days are just crap and I make peace with that, I also make myself recognise the good days, that and a nice glass of wine helps.

But why is that? ... What do women think will happen when they have a baby? Quite often on these greads, mothers seem to be unable to understand that babies and children need a huge amount of physical and emotional care and aren't born capable of an intellectual conversation. Do these mothers truly know nothing about childrearing etc before giving birth? Women on here often trot out the horrible, negative, "It's relentless". Viewing caring for and nurturing your baby as "relentless" is pretty cold.

@Bbq1 by "these mothers" are you referring literally everyone but you on this thread? 😂

And of course motherhood is relentless. Relentless literally means "unceasingly intense". Whether that be positive or negative emotions or experiences - it is all intense and it does not cease.

Oh and I don't recall a single person on here saying "God I can't believe my toddler can't hold an intellectual conversation!"

@Bbq1 it is one thing to know something is going to be hard and quite another to be in the trenches. I don’t think this is the thread for you.

My 14mo and I just had a very profound conversation about the stock market so I don't know what you mean? But then she shat herself so we had to stop there.

No one knows what being a parent is like till they do it. No one knows what the actual relentless of it feels like or how boring it can be sometimes. Not every moment is some intense experience where you are both wrapped in wonder. I would never use the word idyllic about parenting! There are lovely moments, there are shit moments, and some age ranges and temperaments of babies are less enjoyable than others. I enjoy the time we spend together, but I'm glad I don't spend all our time together.

Why should it be one or the other (idyllic or shit)? Why not both? Parenting is hard and amazing at the same time, I have a 21 month old and she's a little tornado; hard work from birth, and yet this child is the joy of my life, and yet some days I cannot wait to leave the house to go to work, other days I don't want to leave her, and that's fine.
I wish there was more honesty about parenting OP, more mums like you that call the bad days bad and the good days good, then mums won't be held to impossibly high standards and new parents will have a better idea of what to expect.

@Bbq1

I knew because my own mother told me. I still wanted one. You know why? Because they aren't small forever. Also I'm not traumatized by my mother being honest. She had three. She was a very loving, caring and selfless person. I don't think any less of her that she felt that way.

Also even knowing all that doesn't make it easier. We are humans not Gods or angels. This is why you always hear women say that motherhood is one of the hardest but most rewarding experiences a woman can go through. Because it is both self sacrificing and extremely hard work and equally wonderful at the same time.

You seem to believe that it can only be one or the other. But it's both. And people are allowed to feel both feelings at the same time.

I suppose childbirth is also supposed to feel like cotton candy and rainbows right? I mean we all knew childbirth was going to hurt so why all the crying and screaming? Surely knowing it was going to hurt should erase all of that pain right? 🧐

I feel a bit sad reading this thread. I definitely felt bored and isolated with toddlers but they are adults now and I’d give anything to scroll back the years. I wonder if a lot of the stress is really about loneliness? I never lived near family on either side and there was no one to offload to. The coffee morning meet ups with mums at each other’s homes were great and kept me sane.

"These mothers" refer to mothers who use tte word relentless to describe motherhood. I very much doubt i am the only mother in the world to not have viewed mothering my child as relentless so no, i don't think everyone except me. Somebody ekse has just described being a mother as akin to being in the trenches! ! Fair enough, this thread isn't for me and to all those struggling with being a parent, i genuinely hope it stops being relentless for you one day.

@Bbq1 in case you missed it my comment about this thread not being for you was my polite way of saying fuck off. Your views are neither welcome nor useful here.

@Bbq1

Well have a fantastic day mother Teresa darling. Round of applause for mother of the century everyone. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@Bbq1 how old are your DC? I have a feel you may have passed the early years, humans tend to look back and naturally remember the good things, it's a wonderful self-preservation thing, but when you are in the thick of it, you can't see the wood for the trees. So there's more than one way to feel about this, and to suggest otherwise just perpetuates the old stereotype of how women "should feel" about motherhood in general, which then leads to less honesty about the whole thing from fear of being judged, more guilty feelings, anxiety, etc.
Less judging and more understanding would go a long way here.

I have a 12 week baby and he’s delightful, but spend a lot of time ricocheting between boredom, exhaustion and worry that something’s wrong. I’ve been informed that it gets better, but when?! Three seems a long way away.

It does, it really does! For me there was a big jump at 9 months, then at 18 months, then at 22 months. At each of those, DC1 just became much more interesting and fun and satisfying to spend time with. He’s now 2y 1m and honestly it just keeps improving.

DC2 is 9 weeks so I vividly understand your perspective.

Sometimes it’s ‘idyllic’ but usually briefly.

Today for example we lay on the grass on a common, playing ie him tracking my moving fingers then me booping him on the nose. Adorable big smiles, beaming at me like I’m the best thing ever.

Then he shat so hard that a) a woman several feet away turned around looking alarmed at the noise and b) the poo escaped down both legs to the knee. Oh, and it was green.

Variety. The spice of life.

@AngryBirdsNoMore

I'm so sorry but your comment made me die laughing! 🤣 that is terribly unfortunate. I haven't had any devistating blow outs like this. However mine was learning to say tik tok as she learned the nursery rhyme recently and she decided to sing it loudly on the playground but instead it came out sounding like "dick cock dick cock I'm a little cuckoo cock." I was modified and the mother nearby did not look like she was in an understanding mood. 🥹🤦🏻‍♀️

That's my embarrassing parenting story of the day.

I don't feel like that but of course I have to get out and do something with him every day or I would go mad. You're not a terrible mum and it will pass so do what you have to do to get through a tricky stage

It's a bit of a worst of both worlds age where they aren't a baby who potentially sleeps a lot but they aren't an older toddler with more attention span who can get into an activity. I coped by being out of the house a lot and having different activities planned for each day. Really agree with the PP that said you get to a point when you have to either leave the house or run a bath.

Thank you to all the supportive comments on here, depicting the realities of being a mother. You really got me through yesterday. 💐

@Bbq1 I’m glad you’ve found it so easy, but maybe you haven’t had a child who has cried intensely (I mean like 80% of his life) since he was born, who didn’t sleep more than 2 hours at a time until he was about 14 months old, and didn’t experience post partum depression, and a miscarriage all in the time of doing this. Well done to you for being such a great mum, enjoy your idyllic life.

Sometimes feeling depleted in other areas of your life can make it feel this way. It's good to be self-aware so you can change things or get more support through family or childcare, or the HV or GP if it continues.

Parenting isn't meant to be fun and enjoyable all the time. It might be a bit sad or disappointing to not enjoy a particular stage but it's normal and can change quickly. There's so much you can do with one-year-olds. Having unrealistic expectations can make it harder, like expecting a young toddler to have a long attention span or play independently. Having a clear understanding and activities to do can make it more enjoyable, or if you can't or won't then using childcare is a good option. Early experiences have a huge impact so sometimes it's better for them to be in childcare.

I’m going to close this thread now, the negativity is making me feel uncomfortable which is not the reason I came to mumsnet.

Thank you all x

We are overwhelmingly in agreement with you @ammmmmo - 💐💐

This is wonderful! Thank you! 🤣🤣🤣

@ammmmmo please don't! This thread is giving me the most reassurance I've had in ages! Apart from the obvious poster. Keep going!

I’ve got a 1 and a 3 year old and the 3 year old is easy now so it does pass. Some people (credit to them) love the stay at home toddler phase, it wasn’t for me (tbh the infant stage wasn’t either) 😂). Feel no guilt, work if you want to, and know you’re doing what’s best for your family.