Don’t enjoy being at home with toddler

[ammmmmo]

I have a 15 month old and work three days a week. On the two days I’m off, I feel the need to constantly plan something to do just to get us out the house, as my toddler just gets irate being indoors. He won’t play by himself, his attention span is about 3 minutes, and then he’s bored of whatever he was playing with, and I’m sorry to say this but I find it so boring. I feel the need to constantly fill the time, and then when something doesn’t work out - for example today, he usually naps 12:30-2:30. Instead he was so tired and fell asleep at 11:30 and woke at 12:30, and I literally just cried because I can’t bear the thought of having to try and entertain him for 6 hours straight until bedtime.

My husband doesn’t get it and tells me that I should just enjoy the time with him. Honestly it’s making me feel like I want to up my hours at work so I don’t have to look after him all day. I enjoy him in small doses, two full days a week (this is not including the weekend) is just too much for me.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a terrible mum? :(

I work full time, but any time off, weekends etc, we’re out doing stuff, I hate being stuck at home for longer than an hour or so, it’s boring!

I'm a full time stay At home mom and sometimes I think I'm going to lose my mind. Luckily my husband isn't an idiot and offers to watch her once and awhile while I go breathe some fresh air and exist in a space alone. Do yoga, shower, go for a walk listening to music and being something other than a mother and a wife. And don't get me wrong. I take great pride in both of those things. But sometimes I just need to be my own person for a bit.

The only way to keep sane is keep busy and have a routine. I go to classes or groups in morning and park or play at home on afternoon.

At that age I planned the shit out of it. Church playgroups in the morning, home for a nap and lunch, meet a friend/ softplay / library/ errans in the afternoons. I found 4 activities a week, every week without fail. The thought of being at home with a spirited toddler was just too much. Plus I had a DH working from home so tried to be considerate to him.
It was fucking hard, utterly my boy is 4 now and an absolute joy. You'll get there.

I’m just “giving thanks” to all of these posts because it’s so nice to hear the OP is not alone in feeling this way. And that I’m not either! supportive Mumsnet at its best 👏

Our local soft play was vandalised and shut for months until the council could fix it, and I honestly nearly cried when I heard. That was one of my planning options! Do the vandals know what they’ve done to the stressed and desperate mothers of 12-20 month olds of my area?!

You’re amazing @PumpkinspiceLeggongs - I absolutely couldn’t do your job.

Genuine question: what about when it’s rainy and your budget constrained?

It's def hard work. I have 4yo and 14mo at home Tuesdays and Wednesdays and we have to be out of the house for a bit chunk of those or we all fall out! Thursday it's just me and 14mo so it's a bit easier but by work on Friday, when they are both at nursery, I am very ready for it. Think it's a tricky age as they are mobile and want to be doing stuff but not very verbal and get frustrated a lot. DD2 has started having little tantrums where she beats her fists on things when I stop her doing whatever dangerous thing she's trying to do.

It does pass, I found when we approached 2 with DD1 it got a bit more fun because you could start to do stuff and communicate more and it felt less like following around an angry drunk miniature pirate.

I also have one of those kids who has to leave the house. I'd try to be back home for a nap in his cot as that would give me 2 hours to myself. Otherwise we would go swimming to tire him out, meet up with other mum friends and their kids at playgrounds. They don't need to do exciting things, just as long as it's out of the house

Honestly OP, if you want to up your working days to 4 or 5, do it and don't feel guilty. Tell DH he can reduce his days if he wants to!

@AngryBirdsNoMore

Thank you. Some days I wonder how I do it myself. Only got one kid and I'm already going crazy. Hubby is getting the snip because there's no way I'm doing this twice! 🤣

My sisters and mother are always commenting that my daughter is so easy and well behaved compared to her cousins and I have to agree which is why we aren't taking our chances rolling the dice again. Lol!

If this is what an easy child is like then I don't want to know what a normal to difficult child is like. 🤪

I have a Google calendar that is just full of regular child activities. Not all of them are free, but if my budget was low there would be enough free things to do every day. Children's Centres (sometimes have to travel further on certain days but no more than a bus ride), library rhyme times, church drop-ins, free music sessions. We're in London, so could also go to galleries or museums, and there are lots with nice play areas or interactive bits.

Going against the grain here Op and saying that i think it sounds quite ildyllic being at home with dc. Your dh is just stating the obvious fact that a lot of mothers would love to be in your postion. I think 13 months is a lovely age and easy as it's still a baby, not a toddler. I loved all stages of my ds growing up as it was lovely seeing the world through his eyes and sharing experiences together. Do you not feel that? I felt bereft going back to work when ds was almost 1. I also felt very lucky to have 2 days off with him. If you approach each day negatively complaining you're bored then your day will turn out that way. Plan things, get out, introducre your ds to new things. Don't put him in full time nursery so young, he's still a baby.

I feel the exact same way OP. I’m looking for others responses because I get so down about it.
You are not a bad parent though, just a bit burnt out x

Could you afford a half day at nursery on one of your days off?

I just did a year of three days at home a week, now down to 2. Mainly loved it but had some moments! What made it work was one pre nap activity and one post nap activity without fail. Toddler groups, library, park, swimming, fish in a pet shop, supermarket, anything! And meeting up with people as much as possible. I don't really play when we are at home I just get on and he plays but this has got much easier now he's older!

Also you are allowed to go back to work full time if you want to! 4 days each works really well for lots of couples i know.

Honestly I think most people feel like this with young children. It's tedious, repetitive, relentless and extremely boring!
I used to be a nanny and as much as I loved the children I found it monotonous too. The best jobs I had were when parents would agree with me that it could be extremely boring.
I soon left the job after that!
Don't feel guilty, it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. Not many people truly and genuinely enjoy engaging with children over a period of more than an hour.

@Bbq1

I actually quite enjoy the toddler phase. We do plenty of things together it's just the fact that it's not always sunshine and roses.

I agree with your comment but decided not to come down on OP about it because this is such a common thing parents hear. Sometimes it feels like we aren't allowed to just vent our frustrations or feel human about it all.

Generally speaking I think most mothers love their children dearly and look forward to seeing them but it can be work even in the best situations.

@Bbq1 The vast majority of mothers on this thread did not feel like that. There's nothing wrong with that, we're all different. Maybe read the room.

Idyllic, my arse 😂

You guys have all made me smile on what was a bad afternoon, thank you so much for all these honest but oh so realistic replies. I’m sick of trying to pretend I love every minute because I don’t. Some great ideas though, thank you. And I do love him beyond belief, but sometimes it’s just hard!!

I get you I really do, sometimes I feel the same OP. It's tiring. But I tell myself, if anything happened to that darling boy of mine I would do anything to get these days back in reality. As they grow though (mine is now 2 and half) I find he is entertaining himself more now. And I feel now the conversations are beginning I am looking forward to him being a little person who I can hang out with over the never few years ❤️

I'm the same.

With my eldest we used to always be out doing stuff, and I'd ended up costing me a fortune.

I try and do more low key things with the younger one (park, bus to shops etc) but I still find it hard.

Today I had planned a walk to the shop and then bus to local woods - but he kicked off because he wanted to walk in a different direction. The direction away from everything. I just find it all so tiresome and frustrating and am so worn down I just can't be bothered dealing with these tantrums over nothing.

@oioicheeky

I feel like I could have wrote this. Mine here lately just picks a direction and walks. Lately when I'm taking her to the park she wants to go the opposite direction. It's frustrating because correcting her almost always results in a meltdown. 😭

15 months is the worst of all the ages I’ve dealt with so far. I can’t even list all the reasons why because I’m still not far enough past it what with my youngest and last only being 2 and a half. We spent a lot of time in the basement area of the Science Museum, it’s free so only had to pay for the bus and that guaranteed a good nap on the way home 🤣

Completely normal.

I survived this stage by having her one day a week at home, and at nursery on my other day off.
On the day we were at home, I usually met up with friends with small children so they could run riot together and we could drink coffee.

It's pretty relentless, but does get easier (she's 5 now and things are slightly easier)