Smelly child

[Snds43]

I would like kind and considerate thoughts on this please..

So, my two dc have a friend who lives nearby and is a lovely, happy, clever 10 yr old child. My dc and this child all go to the same primary school and play a lot in and out of the school. I know the childs parents quite well as i used to work for the same company as one of them, but we are not friends as such. They are both professional middle class people.

My dc has told me that they don't want this child coming round to our house anymore because they smell bad. My dc is a considerate friend and did not say this to the child themselves, but feels grossed out by the smell, the child always being snotty and walking around outside with socks on only, which then get really dirty and then walking straight into the childrens bedroom/jumping on beds.

I told my child they're doing the right thing by not saying these thoughts out loud to the child themselves or their friends, as that could embarrass the child and hurt their feelings. I said maybe they can only play outdoors from now on so that the smell isnt so noticeable.

The things is that the problem is real. The child is always a bit dirty, apparently they bathe only once a week. They smell of poo a lot, and the childs parent has told me a few years ago that they soiled their underpants til quite late and they unfortunately got bullied about it and found it hard to make friends.

So what would you like to happen if this was your child? My dc likes this friend a lot, and i find it sad the child is potentially loosing friends due to bad hygiene. Would you say something to the parents? How can you even approach a subject like this?

If you know the parents well, and they have previously mentioned the issue, I would definitely speak to them about it.

I would speak to school

Another vote for speaking to the school.

I would speak to school. If you ask for the safeguarding lead they're probably the best person to speak to.

The parents are nice enough, but actually quite touchy about the subject of parenting. There was a separate issue last summer where the kids in this friendship group (mine included) got into a bit of trouble (not serious). Us parents got together to talk about it, but these parents denied their kid was involved at all. He was.

So, a bit nervous about raising this. Maybe school is a better idea.

Poor kid ☹️.

If your child still wants to play, but not at home, could you take them all to play at the local swimming pool instead? I know it’s not your problem, but then the child would get another wash every week too.

Can you have the kid over for a sleepover an give them a bath/hair wash and wash their clothes?

@YapYap2023 ive already failed with trying to conceal their gender, so the child in question is a boy. Hes been here a few times for a sleepover, but i think it wouldnt be Ok for me to wash him/tell him to shower.

Poor kid. I would also talk to the school as I’m sure other kids are saying the same.

There was a smelly kid in my class. It turned out that she had a horse which she had to muck out, in uniform, before school every day. It helped when we at least understood the reason

I’d talk to the school.

But if there’s no improvement in a month I’d talk to the parents. What a couple of tossers they are.

Yeah you can’t be showering someone else’s 10yr old boy OP deffo discard that advice!

The parents don’t sound approachable so even if you do speak to the school they might bury their heads and go on the defensive, poor kid.

I think it would be kind to tell the parents the truth. Your children like this kid, but the smell is off-putting. Then at least they can do something about it.

@Thatsmorethanhalf there's definitely no horse involved here 😄

@Snds43

It sounds from your description that this child could have a serious bowel condition, as yet untreated. Your children sound lovely, sensitive enough not to call their friend for this.

This type of concern the school need to be aware of as it may need to be taken further and properly documented as a safeguarding concern (ex teacher/SG lead here). I would talk to the class teacher and explain your concerns or possibly even the safeguarding lead (the school should sign post who is in the safeguarding team around the school). The school itself will need to document this so they may ask you to write up your concerns but it will be confidential when the parents are spoken to and will not cause you or your child any issues which could arise if you flag it up directly to them. Also this level of lack of personal care for a I presume primary age child is generally a concern anyway so you are doing the right thing flagging it up :)

If it's that bad the school should have already addressed it with the parents. Perhaps they have?

another vote for talking to school!

Agree that you can't shower someone else's 10 year old. Why should she have him on a sleepover anyway when her DS has already said that they don't want them in his home?

Definitely speak to the Safeguarding Lead at the school OP. You could always speak to the NSPCC about your concerns too.

No it’s just your post reminded me of being in the same situation at school

Why? Why would you have him for sleepovers when your child doesn't even want him coming round to play?

It's a clear sign of neglect, that poor child.

Social services…. I’d not be pussyfooting around.

quite shocked that parents are not making sure the child is bathed every night before bed!! at 10 years old they should definitely be able to at least shower themselves without having to be reminded. what is going to happen when the kid hits the smelly teens? a bath once a week is not going to cut it!! are parents having regular baths or showers or do they smell too????