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Parenting

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Original poster

Will I regret giving baby a dummy?

93 replies

FelisMargarita · 31/08/2023 08:42

My 5 week old is waking every 1-2 hours. Apart from one 4 hour fluke, he’s never slept for more than 2 hours. I’m thinking of introducing a dummy but worried about making things worse in the long term if he’s reliant on it for sleep. Also weaning off dummies sounds tricky. To be honest, I don’t really like dummies but I’m desperate for sleep. Am I being silly by being so reluctant? Do short term benefits outweigh the negative?

Im grateful to anyone who can share their experiences, good or bad.

OP posts:

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6monthsto50 · 31/08/2023 08:44

My child was 2 months premature we were advised by the medical team to give him a dummy to help his airway.

No regrets just save up 4 k as he had a ‘slight need’ for a brace at 15 which the NHS would not pay for as it was very minor and cosmetic only.

Diggersandunicorns · 31/08/2023 08:47

5 weeks is still very young so I’m not sure if 2 hour stints isn’t normal but we gave our DD a dummy quite early on, probably by then if not before. But it was to get her off the boob as she would feed constantly when awake. We took it away at 6 months as it was disrupting sleep by that point as would drop out and she’d cry for it. It was a couple of days of pain taking it away but then settled.

I don’t have a problem with dummies. My mum was disgusted I’d used one though 🤣. My DS wouldn’t take one sadly although he was all round a more chilled baby so I didn’t need him to take one. Turns out he won’t let anyone put anything in his mouth he doesn’t want full stop - never let me feed him with a spoon either!

Singleandproud · 31/08/2023 08:54

Unfortunately babies are only supposed to sleep a couple of hours at a time so that bit is normal.
I was once desperate for DD to take a dummy for the same reason as you but she wasn't interested anyway.

If you don't want to give a dummy can you get more rest in the daytime? Sleep deprivation is awful and if someone can take baby out for a few hours that'll make a huge difference.

Are you bf or ff? I think one of the best things about bf is it makes you stop and rest several times a day for extended periods. If you ff then anyone can give a bottle and that means mum often whizzes around getting chores done instead. No matter which method you picked make sure you get rest during the day.

Weaning off a dummy won't be any trickier than anything else, have rules and routines so dummies are only for sleeping time not walking around etc. The problems from dummies are often because children use them in the day and the muscles required for speech don't develop properly. Saving for braces is a good idea generally anyway as they are tricky to get on the NHS now.

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VivaVivaa · 31/08/2023 08:58

That’s normal sleep for a 5 week old. Im not anti dummy. DC2 (7 weeks) has one in the car or if he’s crying and I can’t tend to him immediately due to DC1. But I don’t think it’ll get you more sleep overnight. It gives you another tool to initially settle him to sleep, but I don’t think it’ll keep him asleep i’m afraid.

Chanel05 · 31/08/2023 08:59

The frequent wake ups are quite normal for a newborn.

If you want to give baby a dummy, do it if it helps you. If baby is bf, you may want to hold off a bit longer so as not to suppress feeding cues.

My first took a dummy, no regrets. My second refused one.

Clefable · 31/08/2023 09:00

We didn't with DD1 but have with DD2 for sleep and it's been brilliant. She only has it for naps and overnight, we don't give her one during the day, but if she has her dummy and her comforter she will sleep anywhere. It's a game-changer when they can put it in and out of their mouths themselves and you can just scatter them in the cot. We have glow in the dark ones! I can see on the baby camera recordings that if DD2 (14mo) wakes in the night she just locates a dummy, puts it in and goes back to sleep. She's slept through from 7 months and it meant that transitioning to naps at nursery was very easy for her as the dummy/comforter are her settling tools and they can go anywhere.

Peachespeachesohpeaches · 31/08/2023 09:02

My DC2 had a dummy and it really helped her feel settled. It's a source of comfort for them.

We did cold turkey at 2yo and she didn't ask for it again after a couple of nights. She only ever had it for sleeping once she was out of the early baby stage. I think people over think the process of removing it - it's a short pain but then it's done.

Clefable · 31/08/2023 09:02

I will add though that she woke every hour or 2 hours for the first six months even though she had a dummy! That was just her sleep pattern. DD1 did much longer stints but we never cracked being able to put her down as easily as DD2 subsequently. I can put DD2 in cot and just leave and she will put herself to sleep. DD1 would never have stood for that! They're just all different.

FloweryName · 31/08/2023 09:06

Short frequent sleeps are normal for a little while yet but it won’t last forever. I wanted to avoid a dummy with dc1 but only because I was worried about the long term negative effects which can be easily controlled. Dc2 had a dummy and went off it himself at 5 months, but if he hadn’t I was prepared to limit it to nap times and do the dummy fairy if it got bad.

TropicalTrama · 31/08/2023 09:09

As soon as they’re deeply asleep the muscles relax, the dummy falls out and they’ll wake exactly the same as they would have done without the dummy and need it putting back in for comfort. So no a dummy won’t extend the stretches of sleep. That said they’re excellent to soothe a fussy baby or getting them to fall asleep in the first place as they can continue to suck for comfort, a natural reflex for newborns, after they’ve finished feeding. My eldest was a thumb sucker and the dummy is much better as past 1 it lives exclusively in bed so no speech or teeth issues and we plan to do some variation of the dummy fairy once he’s 3 as recommended by friends (can’t take the thumb away so easily). Yes it’s become a sleep crutch but a helpful one and he could replace it himself by 6 months so long as we threw enough in the cot!

Janebloom · 31/08/2023 09:15

Give the dummy if you think it'll help, research shows it can reduce SIDs, I tried with my baby but he refused and I think it would have made life easier if he took one

riotlady · 31/08/2023 09:27

DD had a dummy and it really helped her. 3 week old DS also has one but he’s only so-so on it.

Imo the key to getting rid of the dummy is to either do it young enough that they don’t really notice (1ish) or old enough that you can reason with/bribe them (DD was 3 and thrilled by the dummy fairy). The worst thing to do is try and get a dummy off a 2 year old as they’ll be very attached and aware of what’s happening but you can’t really reason with them

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/08/2023 09:30

The wake ups and hellish but normal. I wouldn’t and didn’t add a dummy- I found in the older babies the dummy was the reason for the wake ups, ie. It keeps falling out

Original poster

FelisMargarita · 31/08/2023 10:01

He is exclusively BF. He is DC2. DC1 started sucking her thumb at 6 weeks and her sleep was great after that. I've been hoping he will do the same but he is so much harder to settle and it's exhausting. I feel like I'm constantly bouncing and feeding day and night. I'm so thirsty all the time and my back really hurts. He wakes very easily after being put down so I'm often waiting a while before I lie him down so I'm getting very little rest in these 1-2 hour intervals. In the day it's really hard to put him down at all.

Husband wants to help in the night but I know he is struggling with his workload and stress so I'm very reluctant to wake him. He is taking care of DC1 before and after nursery who is very high energy. We live in a flat and she has to be taken out after nursery to get her energy out. I know he is finding it hard to balance this with work already.

I've been to the shop and bought a dummy to have in the house but not sure if we should use it. It's so hard at the moment and I feel like I'm failing.

OP posts:

Singleandproud · 31/08/2023 10:45

Have you tried feeding him lying down on the bed and laying on your side? I know I used to feed and snooze a lot like that but can't remember if it was in those very early weeks. If not have you tried a sling to give your back some support and carry them?

buckingmad · 31/08/2023 10:47

I’d personally rather be reliant on a dummy than a thumb! You can take a dummy away but you can’t take a thumb away. One of my friends had to have her jaw broken to fix her overbite from thumb sucking and another has a permanently disfigured thumb from sucking.

Jellycats4life · 31/08/2023 10:50

My children got so much comfort from dummies, they were a godsend.

And instead of forcing them to give up when they weren’t ready, I just waited for them to be ready. Gradually we tapered down to only having them for sleep, and eventually I just stopped handing them over at night. They were both 3, maybe just turned 4 at a push. No tears, no books, no dummy fairies!

ShineBright1209 · 31/08/2023 10:57

My DC1 was never interested in a dummy, neither was DC2 but she was a thumb sucker (now 11 with perfect straight teeth). My DC3 had a dummy but I only ever gave it him at nap/bedtime he stopped using it himself at around 8 months and DC4 had a dummy only for nap/bedtime again but she decided at around 6 months that her thumb was better so I took the dummy away.
There’s pros and cons to everything you just have to find what works for your DC.

aSofaNearYou · 31/08/2023 11:02

I would hold out, for the reasons you said. DD1 had a dummy and yes, it helped her get to sleep, but then we were in and out throughout the night as she threw it out of her cot and wanted it back. DD2 does not have a dummy. It's harder to get her to sleep but once she's down she's not constantly waking because she's lost her dummy.

I wouldn't give up after just a few weeks.

Jackiebrambles · 31/08/2023 11:02

I’m a huge dummy fan, both of mine had them and gave them up so easily at around 2 or 3. Much rather that than a thumb, I sucked mine until I was about 9 and needed braces! Once they can put them back in themselves in the cot it really helped mine sleep longer too. I used to put about 5 in there so they could just flail about in the dark and find one!

aSofaNearYou · 31/08/2023 11:03

DD2 has never sucked her thumb, either, she's just not reliant on sucking for sleep.

Reugny · 31/08/2023 11:04

Myself and one of my SILs tried to give our children as babies dummies to stop them sucking thumbs/fingers. Didn't work.

Other nieces and nephews were given dummies, and others managed with nothing.

It is harder stopping them sucking digits than stopping them suck a dummy.

Oh and stop beating yourself up. Just see what works as every kid is different.

SnapdragonToadflax · 31/08/2023 11:05

I didn't want to use a dummy but was being driven demented by the crying from reflux plus sleep deprivation, so gave in and used one my friend gave us. It was a godsend, I honestly loved them. I only used them for getting to sleep, and took it away cold turkey at about 10 months (it's all a blur but definitely under 1) which was shit for a couple of days and then fine.

Nothing wrong with dummies, it's just being strong enough to get rid at some point that's hard.

Strokethefurrywall · 31/08/2023 11:14

Yep, used one from 4 weeks with the first (he dropped it at 1 year) and day 1 with my second. He could have sucked milk out of a rock, that kid was a prolific sucker! He dropped his at 3 (night time).

Both were a total miracle. Both breastfed, and allowed me to rest. There was no nipple "confusion" etc.

Badseedmum · 31/08/2023 11:52

Mine has a dummy and it's an absolute godsend. It's only uses now for naps and bedtime or if they are really upset but it was a great tool to help her self soothe at night and for comfort when she was younger.

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