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Original poster

Help please!! My toddler is terrified of “monsters” in her room!

59 replies

Mumto2under2 · 26/08/2023 21:33

Long post I’m sorry: Please has anyone got any advice - my toddler (2.5yrs) has become terrified of monsters in her room. This fear has come from nowhere, she is usually the most confident little girl and has been sleeping through the night without a single issue for over a year. Then one night she screamed and screamed about being scared of monsters in her room. We’ve have tried absolutely everything: monster spray, night lights, white noise, music, teddies, monsters university the film, trying to change the idea of monsters being scary to being fun and friendly, let the dog sleep in her room, we’ve slept in her room to show there’s nothing to be scared of, rearranged her whole bedroom and got rid of anything causing shadows etc, we bought a worry monster and the matching book. We have honestly tried every single recommended thing and nothing is working. We can’t even leave her room without her screaming and panicking. Bedtime is becoming an awful time, we’re starting to lose our tempers and I honestly feel awful but I’m lost for what to do. We have to stay in her room until she falls asleep which is sometimes taking 2 hours! We say every tea time “after tea we will have a bath, read a story and then it’s bedtime okay” so she knows bedtime is coming and can be prepared. She talks about being scared of monsters throughout the day and we have reassured her that she is safe at home and we will always look after her. We don’t know what else to do :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DustyLee123 · 26/08/2023 21:43

Are you looking under the bed and in the wardrobe with her before bed ?

TotalOverhaul · 26/08/2023 21:48

Get a big new teddy bear for her and say that s/he is her protector from monsters. That although the teddy is very lovely to her, the monsters are scared of him and don;t dare come into the room if he is watching over her.

Does she have a low light on in her room? You could get a really soft light light a slat lamp or led light that might keep them away.

NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2023 21:52

Have you told her monsters aren't real?

It seems everything you've done is playing on the idea that the monsters are real and they are in her bedroom....

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Needmorelego · 26/08/2023 21:54

Is there actually something in her room that is scary looking in the dark that isn't obvious.
My daughter's had a huge Hello Kitty poster when she was little. Hello Kitty is cute right?
Well one night when I was sleeping in her bed (because she was having sleep problems) - that poster was a massive black blob staring down at me in the dark.
Can you be in her room when it's dark to see if there is something that looks scary.
Edit : sorry I see you've tried that. Might be worth checking again. It could be something really not obvious in the daylight.

partypompoms · 26/08/2023 21:57

Absolutely reiterate monsters aren't real over and over. I'm sure you have done this though.

johnd2 · 26/08/2023 21:57

Totally agree you are basically reinforcing the idea of monsters with lots of your things.
Also a lot of things sound like they may be invalidating her feeling, basically indirectly dismissing her worry. It's easy to do that when reassuring.
Try to forget about the monsters part and focus more on supporting her and helping her to understand her feelings, in more of a narrative way rather than a fixing way?
Sorry that sounds unhelpful when I read it back but let me know if I need to clarify... And good luck, sleep can be a right pain!!

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 26/08/2023 21:58

Monsters are really scared of people, and it's only the tiny baby ones that get lost in bedrooms. You have to be really quiet and pretend to be asleep so if there is one there then it can creep back outside to its mummy who is worried about it.

Worked on me, age 6

VikingLady · 26/08/2023 21:58

It sounds weird, but what worked for my kids was informing them very emphatically that I didn't hold with monsters in MY house. The cats leave enough poo and sick to clean up as it is and could they imagine what monsters would leave? I simply don't allow it.

They found that believable. Just looking for monsters didn't work because they could come in later, or be hiding really well.

Could you come up with something like that?

(When my DS started having nightmares I talked him through creating an imaginary T Rex friend to patrol his dreams and eat the monsters.)

YourNameGoesHere · 26/08/2023 22:00

NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2023 21:52

Have you told her monsters aren't real?

It seems everything you've done is playing on the idea that the monsters are real and they are in her bedroom....

Agreed. Honestly all those ideas are lovely but they are just reinforcing to her the idea that the monsters are real.

You need to explain to her that monsters don't exist and keep going back in to resettle her with that as the mantra remember monsters are not real. It would also be worth talking to her and trying to get to the route of what started the fear in the first place and deal with what's actually worrying her.

johnd2 · 26/08/2023 22:00

Also as an example my son was crying one time in the night and saying there were spiders on the stairs, so the next day we built a spider out of Lego and put it on the stairs together. It's still there now, we must have done it when he was nearly 3.
It just helps associate the scary narrative with a less scary one and relive it in a non judgemental and validating way.
Not saying it compared with your situation, as every child is different, but just in case you can take anything away from that!

CuriousPorg · 26/08/2023 22:02

I just say "urgh I know, such a pain. That monster 'susan' kept me up all night and in the end I just let her sit up and show me her knitting" or something equally silly.

Or just get the monster spray out (water in a bathroom cleaning spray bottle) and spray everything.

Or get a 'monster inspector' (neighbour with a clipboard) round to run an official review of monsters activity in the area.

HeartshapedFox · 26/08/2023 22:03

When my son went through something similar we’d both go to the back door before bed, open it and shout as loudly as we could “go away monsters” to scare them away. Sounds silly but he enjoyed doing it and it worked. Neighbours probably thought we were bonkers :-)
Good luck OP

NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2023 22:06

The number of people telling their children there ARE monsters is crazy!

You all know they don't exist, right?

Blanketpolicy · 26/08/2023 22:08

Everything you have done had taught her monsters might be real and in her room (friendly or not). You need to start unpicking that and let her know they are not real, you don't check for something that doesn't exist.

Her imagination is developing, you might need to help her by sleeping in with her or letting her in your bed until she settles down again.

Original poster

Mumto2under2 · 26/08/2023 22:08

I really appreciate all of your replies!

When this first happened we went down the route of telling her monsters aren’t real, that there’s nothing in her room and tried not to speak on the matter more than needed so that it wasn’t being brought up and playing on her mind but when I googled this is said I shouldn’t tell her they aren’t real as this doesn’t validate her feelings, so this is when we changed to telling her we understand how she feels and trying to do everything that would make her feel more at ease. I feel like there’s these 2 different routes and I’m not sure which is best to go with :(

We have lay in her bed to see what could be scaring her and removed dressing gowns/coats etc off the back of her door and moved books that had faces on. There’s honestly nothing in there that I think she would find scary. It’s just completely took us by surprise, I’m starting to wonder if some of the children at her nursery have mentioned monsters. I don’t know where else this would have come from.

OP posts:

YourNameGoesHere · 26/08/2023 22:13

From your update it sounds like you told her monsters were not real and then changed your mind and basically did a 360 implying they were real so no wonder she's confused poor lamb.

Honestly go back to what you were initially doing, explain monsters are not real and that whilst it's ok for her to find things scary monsters are not one of those things because there's no such thing as monsters. You can still validate her feelings whilst sticking to the fact that monsters are not real.

ScooterTricks · 26/08/2023 22:14

^It seems everything you've done is playing on the idea that the monsters are real and they are in her bedroom....*

Agree.

I can’t believe others are suggesting teddies to protect from monsters etc.

You just keep reiterating that monsters are not real and it will pass in time.

Hopingforagreatescape · 26/08/2023 22:15

I take it she has a nightlight? And her door is open, as is yours? And there's a gate on the stairs (if you have stairs). Maybe make the nightlight brighter? Make sure she knows that she can come into you if she feels scared. Hopefully the anxiety will pass in a few months - that's what it is - a symptom of anxiety. It's no good you getting angry with her, but you know that.

Sandcastles24 · 26/08/2023 22:16

There is a cute episode of Paddington on netflix where he is scared of monsters

Original poster

Mumto2under2 · 26/08/2023 22:17

Thank you for your advice, we’re going to keep telling her they aren’t real and hopefully she will begin to understand. I feel like I’ve messed up now but I just want to do what’s best! This has been the first real hurdle we’ve had but we’ll get there. It’s just breaking my heart seeing her be so scared.

I will definitely try this and fingers crossed it works x

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2023 22:18

I think you've slightly misunderstood what it means to validate her feelings. It doesn't mean to lie to her and tell her that, yes, monsters are real and in her room. It means don't dismiss her feelings, don't say 'don't be silly monsters aren't real'.

It's perfectly fine (and in fact the best approach) to say, 'I know you're scared of the idea of monsters. It is a scary idea! Luckily they're not in the real world (FACT), they're just in stories (FACT)'.

You can validate someone's feelings while also sticking to the truth.

Original poster

Mumto2under2 · 26/08/2023 22:20

We do say to her monsters aren’t real, they’re only on the telly and in stories. But also I can understand how the things we’ve been trying will be confusing her into thinking there’s a possibility they could be real which is our mistake! We have never said “monsters are real”. We’ve always said they aren’t but then obviously our actions haven’t supported that. So we will definitely work on this!

OP posts:

StopStartStop · 26/08/2023 22:20

As a toddler alone in my large, dark bedroom, I saw demons. With my eyes open, or with my eyes shut. Those images are seared on my mind and I can still see them 63 years later.

Please let her sleep with you.

Jk987 · 26/08/2023 22:21

If it takes 2 hours for her to fall asleep, it sound like bedtime is too early or nap is too long.

shalalala · 26/08/2023 22:22

Oh I have a great tip for this! Monster spray! Water (or febreeze!) in a spray bottle which you/LO spray every evening at bedtime. Helped so much with both my kids. Good luck!

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