Help please!! My toddler is terrified of “monsters” in her room!

[Mumto2under2]

Long post I’m sorry: Please has anyone got any advice - my toddler (2.5yrs) has become terrified of monsters in her room. This fear has come from nowhere, she is usually the most confident little girl and has been sleeping through the night without a single issue for over a year. Then one night she screamed and screamed about being scared of monsters in her room. We’ve have tried absolutely everything: monster spray, night lights, white noise, music, teddies, monsters university the film, trying to change the idea of monsters being scary to being fun and friendly, let the dog sleep in her room, we’ve slept in her room to show there’s nothing to be scared of, rearranged her whole bedroom and got rid of anything causing shadows etc, we bought a worry monster and the matching book. We have honestly tried every single recommended thing and nothing is working. We can’t even leave her room without her screaming and panicking. Bedtime is becoming an awful time, we’re starting to lose our tempers and I honestly feel awful but I’m lost for what to do. We have to stay in her room until she falls asleep which is sometimes taking 2 hours! We say every tea time “after tea we will have a bath, read a story and then it’s bedtime okay” so she knows bedtime is coming and can be prepared. She talks about being scared of monsters throughout the day and we have reassured her that she is safe at home and we will always look after her. We don’t know what else to do :(

@StopStartStop I was also terrified as a child of the dark, and if she wakes in the night we do let her into our bed. I just don’t want her to fall asleep in our bed as I’m worried that may give her the idea that’s she’s only “safe” in our bed and not her own if that makes sense.

Again though as lovely as this idea seems and I'm glad it worked for your child although the OP says she's tried it, it's important to realise all it's doing is subconsciously making your children think monsters are real. If they weren't real why would mum give this to me and why would we need monster spray.

Honestly the best option is to stick with the mantra that they are not real.

In a way, monsters are real - like kidnappers and burglars. I just reassure dd that all the doors are locked so these "monsters" can't come in. Two houses on our street have been broken into in the last couple of years, cars stolen etc. Dd's fuss over monsters, I'm convinced, is a sort of toddler pov of those dangers.

All the fairy stories with a big bad wolf etc are all just stranger danger stories. Kids are absolutely right to be worried about that sort of monster.

So anyway we reassure her that we've locked the doors, got cctv doorbell (which we show her footage from occasionally) and that mummy and daddy are next door. It seems to work for dd and isn't patronising her.

As well ad saying that monsters are not real I would do two things:

• reinforce boundaries generally in the day. By setting limits and making decisions for her (even if she's unhappy on the moment) you are showing her (unconsciously) that you protect her - you've got her back.

• say that monsters aren't real but that even if they were, that mummy and daddy would knock them over (you can make a joke out of it on how you would do it). Again tap into her unconscious that you protect her and she doesn't have to worry about anything.

Good luck

I wouldn't take too many measures to move things around in the room as it might send her the message that you are checking for monster, taking precautions against them.

Do you have another room in the house that you could make her bedroom? Fill it with lovely happy upbeat things, cosy lighting, snug as a bug. Make it a playroom first so that she gets very comfortable there, a place for happy times and good associations, then move her in when you feel ready.

I was terrified of monsters and ghosts when I was a child and my parents didn't help in the lovely ways that you have helped your dear daughter. You sound like a lovely family.

Thanks that's a really interesting perspective I like it

I used to know someone whose child had a similar fear but in his case it was clowns. My friends ' mother very firmly told the 'Clown' to leave the house and never come back. She even opened the front door for the Clown to go. It worked, and there were no more problems after that.

Is she happy to be in her room on her own during the day?

If so, maybe try letting her have the big / main light on through the night so it looks like day time.

If you get a dimmable smart bulb you can gradually reduce the brightness over a few weeks as she settles.

I’d try having it nice and light, door open and she’s welcome to come and find you for a cuddle if she’s scared. If she is allowed to seek reassurance when she’s worried she should begin to feel more secure.

@Mummy08m Yes it’s really important to us that she understands there are bad people in the world but that we will do everything we can to protect her and keep her safe.

Our little girl is very intelligent and I feel her imagination is playing a large part in her fear! We have a ring doorbell so I will keep your points in mind. Thank you xx

Have you watched Monsters Inc. with her?

@1stepforward2stepsback Yes she’s happy to play in her room during the day aslong as she knows I’m around. Before this, she didn’t even look back and was more than happy to get about the house whether I was close by or not! Now she’s more wary and checks I’m near but is still happy to play in her room. We have been leaving her door open and let her know that if she needs us she can just shout mummy or daddy and we’ll be there to give her a cuddle but atm we’re not even getting out the room while she’s awake. Hopefully we will overcome this soon!

@MerryBeard

Unfortunately we don’t have a spare room but we have made her room a “big girl” room with lots of cosy blankets, pillows, teddies and fairy lights which she was very excited about!

and thank you so much for your kind comments, we really have tried everything with the best intentions. I just don’t want her to be scared anymore, it’s breaking our hearts x

She doesn't need to know all about the bad people in the world at 2.5!

She certainly doesn't need to know that you're all locked in, with security cameras out there watching for the monsters/bad people that are trying to get you. It's absolute madness.

She's a baby. Make her world small and safe. There's plenty of time to tell her about the horrors of the world, when she's in a much better place to understand.

Have you asked your daughter why she’s suddenly so afraid of monsters? Maybe you could cut it off at the source.

@DreamTheMoors Yes we’ve asked her but she doesn’t give us a reason. She just tell us she’s scared of monsters and hasn’t got an explanation for where it’s come from, she has said “monsters gonna get you” which we definitely have not said to her. So this has led me to believe it’s come from nursery but I can’t be 100% sure.

@NuffSaidSam

I completely agree that she is only young and doesn’t need to know all the ins and outs of the bad in the world. I meant more in a way of that we want her to know that if she feels uncomfortable with people or situations she can follow her gut and we will support her such as it being okay if she doesn’t want to give kisses and cuddles etc. However that’s another conversation.

Im not going to be showing her the footage etc but I do agree it’s important that as she grows up it’s important to know not everyone is nice. I hope that makes sense! X

I got exasperated at this with my child. I said firmly there are NO monsters in THIS house because THEY are scared of MUMMY. This only works if you have the kind of personality to carry it off.

My child never actually believed in monsters, it was attention. It didn't last because we sat with her until she slept.

I'm going to have to agree to disagree on this - I don't tell dd about specific crimes that bad people do, but it's never too young to know not to (say) walk off with a stranger, or wander out of the house on her own. As I say, this is the point of most fairy tales, every culture all over the world has had cautionary fairy tales from time immemorial because that's how we keep kids cautious.

Yeah, when I show my dd the cctv footage I don't mean of a burglar breaking in lol! I mean "oh look that's when the milkman came last night that's kind of him, oh look a fox came and did a poo on the drive haha, see no monsters came all night long"

Op, what worked with my kids was to tell them that monsters couldn't get into our home. Our dogs sleep downstairs and I would tell my DC that they would bite any monsters bottoms if they tried to get in. They accepted this explanation. It worked well as at their young age and imagination the idea of monsters is very real and like you I didn’t want to just dismiss their fears yet it didn’t play too much into the idea they are anywhere past the threshold and I was firm about it.
I would also just let them sleep with the bedroom light on from time to time if they were ever very anxious about something and go in later and switch it off. The phase tends to pass x

I’d try doing ‘quick jobs’ that are very close by while she’s in bed then. Build up gradually in terms of distance and duration.

”I’m going to stay in your room with you but I need to fold the washing”.

“I’m just going to put this book in my room and then I will come right back and sit with you”.

“I’m just going to hoover the stairs outside your room, I’ll be right outside and I’ll come back as soon as I’m finished.”

”I’m just going to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I’ll leave the door open and I’ll be back very soon”.

”I’m just going downstairs to make a cup of tea, but I’ll be back in a couple of minutes”.

Gradual build up with lots of returning and reassurance. It’s not about monsters, it’s just about learning to feel safe on her own.

@1stepforward2stepsback This is really helpful, thank you. I will definitely try doing those and hopefully it helps x

Firstly, at this age she shouldn't have the opportunity to walk off with a stranger or let herself out of the house. At 2.5 you prevent them from doing that rather than instructing them not to and expecting them to listen.

Secondly, you can tell them not to go off with a stranger or go out of the house without bringing the idea of monsters/bad people into it. Don't go off with a stranger/go out by yourself because you might get lost/I won't know where you are etc.

Absolutely no need whatsoever to tell a tiny child about any kind of monsters/strangers/burglars/bad people etc. They shouldn't believe that the world is a terrible place that you're keeping them safe from. That way fear and anxiety lay.

Monsters gonna get you, that sounds a bit like a chasing game maybe? I know my DF used to chase us up the stairs sometimes saying 'roar, gonna get you' etc.

Very doubtful a nursery worker would be playing that sort of game, but maybe one of the kids there is copying a game they play at home?