Are middle class parents stricter?

[fromthbottomofmyheart]

The idea is that middle class parents are typically high achievers themselves, or come from a background of high achievement. Doesn't it make sense that MC parents would have higher expectations than working / upper class parents?

Higher expectations possibly but also more afraid to upset their little darlings so don't always tell them off effectively.

I would say no

I'm working class, brought up in a council estate and mine and my friends parents were incredibly strict.

I work in a job where I see all walks of life. Id say on balance, no. However they are stricter about different things at different levels - values differ from family to family.

I think high expectations and being strict aren’t quite the same thing. What mc parents do which wc parents don’t is pass on, by family culture, a lot of ‘soft skills’ and confidence. They just have skills/knowledge that wc families don’t have . They aren’t necessarily stricter though, probably more lenient in many ways.

Can you elaborate? Sounds like a fairly significant generalisation.

Higher expectations and being strict are two different things.

I once watched a program about black mothers in America and one lady said that black mothers are much stricter and more likely to physically chastise their children because the stakes are so much higher for them. Their children will grow up more likely to be stopped by police, more likely to be arrested, more likely to be the victims of police brutality, more likely to receive a prison sentence/harsh sentence if they are convicted of a crime etc. They can't afford to have the 'kids will be kids' or 'let them learn from their mistakes' attitude that white families (particularly wealthy white families) can have. Using her logic I would say working class families are actually likely to be stricter because they don't have the ability to buy/negotiate their children out of trouble like wealthier families might have.

Was having this exact conversation with my OH today. We are both from working class backgrounds, and in my case, quite a poor one in today's terms (no heating, no car, no phone, no TV, hand me down clothes, no chance of extra -curricular activities). Mum and Dad were very strict, although lovely and I had a happy childhood, but never saw them as "friends" I was desperate to get out there and earn some money, "be myself" and managed to get myself to University. Did well, good job, probably classed as "Middle class" now, raised four kids, they have wanted for nothing. I have had to adjust my expectations several times iro of their "achievement" which has been, if I am honest, a bit different and lower than I would have expected. I am close to them though, and they do see me as a "friend" that they can talk to about anything, and we do have fun as a family. My very strict dad (82) now lets my kids get away with all sorts of things that he would have never tolerated in his day....

What’s your definition of strict?

I was just coming on here to say the same about parents of ethnic minorities! @NuffSaidSam African parents are an entirely different breed.

Of course they are because they know that's how life is. Even now English government is made up of the upper class white elite groups. The working class are nothing to them, and people of colour im not sure even matter at all. A poor/ Normal child who we tell can be anything is years and years off being able to be PM / government. It's all about the circle your born into

@elifont My comment was meant in jest! I’m a first generation immigrant.

I was raised working class and am now living and raising my children in a very middle class environment. There's absolutely a difference, and it tends to be that MC parents don't raise their voices at their DC - at least not where other people can hear them do it!

Behaviour that would get an "OI!!! Pack that in RIGHT NOW!" from me gets an "no, darling, we don't do that, that's not kind, gentle hands please" from my MC friends.

Generally speaking their kids are lovely so they're obviously doing something right, but I have seen a friend's kids physically hit her whilst screaming for "SNACKS!" and been a bit surprised that she didn't do more than bleat "just a minute darlings" at them. We're not little kids, either, all aged between 6-11. Snacks would absolutely not have been forthcoming had I been in her shoes, but a good telling off would have been.

Btw before anyone suggests I'm saying all WC parents shout at their kids all the time, I don't mean that at all. But "gentle parenting" does seem to be more of a middle class thing.

Having worked with children for over 23 years from experience I have noticed MC parents tend to be a lot more lax and coax children more than those from a more working class background, also more into performance parenting. Just a general observation not saying all MC parents are not as strict.

I also work with families from all different backgrounds. Agree with the above that middle class parents never shout at their children (at least not in public), are more reserved with language (often won't allow Oh my god/fart etc) more aware of mirroring expected behaviour and correcting table manners. But other than that, not more strict and absolutely get away with being more lax with discipline. Middle class families are less likely to acknowledge their child is acting inappropriately.

I think this also especially the last bit

I think part of it is that MC parents are much more confident taking up space in life generally, so they're often much more confident in letting their children take up space. There is room for more emphasis on developing children's confidence and that means perhaps less on securing instant obedience and making sure they're not being annoying to others. This can be both a good and a bad thing. It's also not universal.

Different boundaries perhaps? Higher achievers so maybe more expectations there.

MC parents are generally fairly woke in my experience.

Interesting question. In DCs classes at school it's the kids from poorer backgrounds who misbehave and disrupt most in class. I do speak to the mum of one of them a lot and her attitude is 'let them be kids' and gets angry at the teachers for constantly phoning her. I feel like she has a very different view to me on the importance of education so doesn't care about her DS's behaviour in class.

I agree with others that two different things may be being conflated here. The MC parents I know are more likely to tolerate poor behaviour (whether that’s because of kids “expressing themselves” or gentle or ineffective parenting) - but academic or social requirements that need to be met will be managed strictly.

It has fuck all to do with social class and everything to do with personal choice.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal I completely agree. Cooing 'gentle hands!' or 'inside voices please' when little Jago is whacking Isabella or shouting 'aaaeeeghhhh' in the city museum is likely to be ineffective.
As a visibly skint, youngish single mum of two with a regional accent, I have to make sure my kids behave because I know people will judge me regardless of their behaviour. My child has ASD which has thrown me a bit in terms of how I thought I would parent. If she was an NT child, there would be more consequences for her not wanting to wear shoes or brush her hair. But consequences or withholding things don't really work with an ASD child so you have to sort of steer them into making the right decision.

That's good, bringing up your children to be aware and active about important social issues can only be a good thing.

@MissingMoominMamma personal choice is highly influenced by surrounding variables. Class is not just an empty label.

I was raised working class, single mother, 3 kids, 2 of them boys, worked 3 jobs. She was incredibly strict, no nonsense. I can totally understand the necessity of it .
I'd probably be called middle class, myself and friends spend more time understanding our kids as opposed to straight up disciplining them.