Are middle class parents stricter?

[fromthbottomofmyheart]

The idea is that middle class parents are typically high achievers themselves, or come from a background of high achievement. Doesn't it make sense that MC parents would have higher expectations than working / upper class parents?

I think money is also an issue. E.g. parents of middle class kids are much less worried about children ripping clothes by climbing trees or breaking toys etc. Because they know they can just buy new things, were a working class parent maybe cant.

But in general in my experience middle class parents do seem more relaxed about kids behaviour and less likely to yell or punish children.

I'd say it varies. I taught in secondary schools for 15 years and a lot of kids from MC parents had very few boundaries, didn't go out for meals, didn't do much as a family. We called them latch key kids as they would just sort themselves out whilst mum and Dad were doing a combination of work and kid free socialising down the golf club etc. they were often booked on every school holiday trip we had (there were lots and they weren't cheap). I actually found them more difficult at times then the kids you would perhaps deem 'rough' or from disadvantaged financial backgrounds. Very apathetic etc felt sorry for them. On the flip side some MC parents lived through their kids in terms of what uni and what career they wanted them to follow.

Not necessarily more strict, but they have different ways of dealing with things.

Me and my husband both teachers- how would it look like if we started to shout at our daughter in public, while we try to educate others at the university? It won't work- also, it is not something we want to do anyways.

We are very strict too, but that is personal.
I have less strict colleagues - but they also follow a similar parenting style: no shouting, calmer, etc.

What I've gathered is that working class parents are more punitive, while middle class parents are 'gentler' yet have higher expectations with regard to achievements and behaviour, etc.

Somehow the working class style seems more 'real' and concludes with closer knit communities.

Read the rest of the thread.

I'm a supply teacher and have worked in a huge range of schools in so many different areas with children from ask walks of life and, from what I've seen, yes: MC parents talk and listen to their children more, which is obviously a good thing, and are happier to let their children express themselves more. Also, as pp said, they are happier to take up more physical space and push themselves and their dc forward. WC parents seem to have a much lower tolerance for their children's behaviour, especially when they're messing about and getting in their or other people's way and I think this is possibly because of the fear of being judged more harshly.

WC parents seem to have less time and energy for the dc, in part I think because they're already coping with working long hours in physically demanding jobs, less money, less space and, potentially, more social or financial problems. They tend to shout more and just expect their dc to fall in line, perhaps because that's how they were parented and maybe because they don't have the language skills needed to talk about and explain their reasoning.

MC parents sound more feeble and wordy when telling their dc to behave. Where a WC person might simply yell, "Will you lot pack it in?!" an MC parent would get down to their level and talk at their dc, explaining what they did, why it was wrong and what they should do instead.

Personally, I think the best way is a mix of the two. That is how I try to manage my own dc as well as the children I work with.

I live a more middle class world now, through dh and his family, as well as through the work that I do and the hobbies we have, but I was born and brought up in a stereotypically WC area with parents who all (incl. my stepdad as well as my actual dad) had blue collar jobs and worked 6 days a week yet still could barely afford to keep the roof over our heads. We still live in social housing though but it isn't as rough as it used to be.

with children from ask all walks of life etc etc

Yes, this! Live in a very middle class area, am middle class. I'm frequently struck by the poor manners and social skills of the children (very poor when communicating with adults). Also, the unshakeable belief held by the parents that their children are NEVER in the wrong. It's very, very annoying.

I'd have to disagree on the behaviour point. MC parents seem very indulgent of bad behaviour in my experience. Very fast to call it out in other kids though.....

The thing is, it might irritate the hell out of you (and many other people), but a certain degree of self-belief (or arrogance, if we're being less kind) can be very useful for progressing in certain typically "middle class" professions. Of course, it's a problem when taken to extremes, but they're not necessarily setting their kids up to fail by parenting them in this way (assuming of course that they manage to acquire some social skills and a degree of realism along the way 😂).

I come from an old fashioned WC background where children annoying other people was frowned upon due to post war elements of class shame and a Christian imperative to do the right thing toward others. But I think the moral value of behaving well and teaching your children respect and self control is entrenched in both MC and WC cultures. Good I say! All of society benefits from children who are taught that they are part of a community and should act accordingly.

In my (limited ) experience I observe the more WC parents yelling at the kids and telling them off constantly, and then the more ‘MC’ parents not doing this, almost a lot quieter when the kids play up if that makes sense? So WC parents seem stricter 🤷‍♀️

Interesting

MC families are self-segregating, WC less so

On the estate where I live the wc parents are constantly screaming and swearing at their kids to shut up and pack it in etc so seem strict on the surface but then also let them play out on their own until really late, smash bottles and cause general havoc so maybe it’s the things they are strict about that is the difference?? The posh kids at my school can be very rude and entitled and obnoxious so again their parents are only disciplining certain things it seems! (Not manners!)

This seems like a bit of a leap 😂 not sure how you’ve got there from the comments you’ve had so far. The more real could be about being less bothered about how it looks shouting across the park but I’m not sure that’s more conducive to closer knit communities.

Working class communities may have been closer knit historically because people with less money may have needed to rely on people around them more, perhaps with more informal care arrangements etc. But I’m not sure how you reach that conclusion in todays context especially when discussing parenting styles.

I think it boils down to expectations. What I would say is that the 13/15 year olds who hang out on the top floor of the car park at my local shopping centre, screeching, swearing, and generally making a nuisance of themselves are not middle class teenagers with anything better to do. The fact that they roam in a quite feral way does not seem to signify they have parents with high standards who are concerned about the behaviour of their children.

As a parent I can only speak for my children who were taught to say please and thank you, look people in the eye when speaking, not to mumble, to work hard, never be rude or aggressive, had curfews and did not go out Sunday through Thursdays as teenagers. Every teacher spoke highly of them. They have grown up being hard working and driven despite having everything. On the whole and in my experience that's how most children with decent parents are parented regardless of background.

Also in my experience, there are shits in every sector of society who piss on everyone else's parade regardless of background. For example, the loveliest middle class family of my acquaintance: father a consultant paediatrician, mother a barrister, have three lovely children and one who is a drug addiction with a criminal record.

Not in my experience.

That's decades of working with families and in education.

But I also wouldn't say that either "class" are stricter or lax than the other.

You get decent parents and you get non decent ones.

The same with expectations.

You get some MC families who expect their children to achieve like they did. You get some WC families who live on benefits and think that's fine for their children.

You also get vice versa. Those in WC living - especially those working NMW who want better for their children and have high aspirations for them.

Ultimately though it's the children themselves who will forge their own path.

This! More likely to pussy foot around their DC and be too permissive.

@RosesAndHellebores

I think it boils down to expectations. What I would say is that the 13/15 year olds who hang out on the top floor of the car park at my local shopping centre, screeching, swearing, and generally making a nuisance of themselves are not middle class teenagers with anything better to do.

I wondered about this. Seems like there are working class parents that are utterly committed to parenting their children with a classic no-nonsense touch. And those that impose no rules whatsoever.

The same would go for MC parents, way too lax ones and strait laced ones. Most people regardless of class fall somewhere in between

I guess WC teenage misbehaviour is more detectable on a daily basis because the MCs are self-segregating

Edit: delinquents

Also want to add that stricter parenting methods have been falling out if fashion regardless of class

Maybe living conditions come into it? A poorer WC household with a small flat can't have kids letting off steam by bouncing off the walls and making aeroplane noises when an 11 year old is trying to do homework and other people are trying to relax so they get told to shut up pretty sharpish. Young Hugo is just calmly told to let off steam by bouncing on the trampoline at the end of the 150 ft garden.

In terms of teenagers, if they live in cramped accommodation on top of each other, hanging round a car park smoking weed and being annoying might be a way to get some space for them and the family. They are visible and could attract police attention. Teenage Hugo and his friends will have at least one set of parents out at a corporate event, at a dinner party or a restaurant 'date night', so they go there to smoke weed, or at the very least hang out in the summer house at the bottom of the garden, where they won't annoy anybody.

I think there can be a greater emphasis on self control and self discipline. Examples include eating healthy foods and in moderation and being committed to team sports and all the training and sacrifice that entails.