Interested in people's views on this situation. Apologies in advance for the length!
I have a friend I've known for a long time (pre-DC) with a DC similar age to mine, 5yo. Her DC (let's call them Blake) is very sensitive, articulate, spoke early on and an early reader - altogether a bright spark and likes chatting to adults and apparently top of the class at school. My DC (let's call them Quinn) is perhaps on the more boisterous end of the spectrum, loves running and climbing and during the toddler years I had to be quite firm to make sure they were safe and didn't bother others, though they've turned into a fairly easy-going and chilled 5yo and great with their baby sibling (who was with grandparents and does not make a direct appearance in this story 😂!). My friend is a fairly gentle parent and likes to validate her child's feelings and opinions, which I don't disagree with so long as not taken to extremes.
We do playdates occasionally, more often in the holidays. Our latest was at an adventure playground/picnic spot. I arrived with my child and Blake was doing an activity book. I suggested that the kids go and play, but Blake said they didn't want to play with Quinn and wanted to do the book. My friend didn't say anything. So I suggested that Quinn go off and play and maybe Blake could join later. Quinn found some other children to play with and they were playing shops and chasing games and stuff like that. Blake stopped doing the book and was upset that Quinn was playing with other children. My friend said, "I know, you're upset because Quinn went off and left you. That wasn't a very nice thing for a friend to do, was it?" I suggested that Blake join the group, but Blake only wanted to play with Quinn, not the other children. Eventually, they played for a bit in the sandpit together.
During the picnic, Blake had a toy with them which Quinn wanted to see. Blake said to Quinn, "You can't play with it because it's mine not yours". My friend said, "Yes, we don't have to share our special things, do we Blake?" I was a bit nonplussed, but I said, "Yes, it's fine to have special things which we just keep for ourselves". I could see Quinn was also a bit bemused by the whole thing, so I told Quinn that I have a race up the climbing-frame with them for a bit. But then my friend said, "Oh, I was going to finish telling you about what we were talking about before..." So I ended up having to stay and listen until she finished her story. By which time (5-10 minutes later), Quinn, thoroughly bored, had gone off to play with some of the children from before. At this point, Blake (still sitting next to us) said, "Quinn didn't finish their lunch and they went off again, that's bad, mummy, isn't it? Quinn is so naughty". My friend made a comment about it not being nice to leave people out. I suggested to Blake to go and play with Quinn but then Blake got upset because Quinn wanted to climb on the climbing-nets rather than make stuff in the sandpit. My friend then said to me, "Quinn is a handful, aren't they? It must be hard dealing with all this with the new baby". Which annoyed me perhaps unfairly because Quinn is actually quite laid-back and helpful and affectionate with the baby.
By now, my patience was wearing thin so I suggested getting the kids ice cream. But apparently Blake doesn't eat ice cream anymore since the whole family are trying to make healthier choices. So (and I know I was in the wrong at this point (😂) I said, "Well, Quinn does eat ice cream" and bought Quinn an ice-cream from the ice-cream van. Hence one upset Blake and one slightly huffy friend. They left soon afterwards. I've since had a message saying "Was nice to catch up. Maybe we could do another meet-up soon when Quinn is more in the mood to play with Blake and doesn't need so much of your time. Are you free next week?"
Am I being oversensitive to be a bit irritated by the whole thing? AIBU to think meet-ups without kids would be better for a bit?