Getting worried I’m going to accidentally hurt toddler

[Wathis]

DS (2 years 8 months) just doesn’t listen to a word I say … it’s an ongoing problem.

There are times when I have to physically stop him doing something, either because it is dangerous or would damage something but he fights back for want if a better phrase and I’m worried he’s going to be hurt.

so an example. Earlier in the doctor he kept running off and going to the pharmacy and trying to grab makeup. I had to pull him away and he lay on the floor and ended up being dragged along and I think I have him carpet burn. I felt awful.

Then he kept trying to take another child’s toy at the park and again I tried to grab him and scratched him by accident. He cried and was holding his arm so it must have hurt

Then at home he wouldn’t stop shaking his sister and I had to grab him again as he wasn’t paying any attention to me telling him to stop. I think I hurt his wrist. I’m seriously worried that he’s going to get hurt and end up hating me. Can anyone help?

Accidents happen - I’ve accidentally scratched my DS with my engagement ring : horrible! I don’t really understand though how you needed up dragging DC - couldn’t you have picked him up and avoided carpet burn? One thing that helps is that I am strong, so I can quickly pick them up safely and pin their arms down gently.

It’s hard to know if your ds is more than usually physical (and toddlers ARE physical) or you’ve had a run of bad luck. I have learned, however, that you can’t substitute talking with just picking them up and moving them out of danger /away from the situation as there does come a point where they’re too heavy!

what can help - to use the example with his sister - is to swiftly intervene to protect her (you can’t negotiate if she’s at risk of being hurt) while very firmly saying “kind hands, we don’t shake” or similar. What was the consequence for him of shaking his sister after he’d been told no and asked to stop?

Have a look into safe ways of removing and restraining children so you can feel more confident to do it safely. If he lies down you need to pick him up or, if it's safe to do so, keep him where he is, you shouldn't drag him along the floor unless he is in imminent danger.

I'd also get his hearing checked.

How is his speech and general understanding?

Try to grab him by his clothes if possible, rather than an arm or a leg, if you need to get hold of him quickly - we all have to grab a child away from danger or hurting another child at some point.

Can you keep him in a pushchair in shops etc? Sounds like he mightn't ready to be walking free!

Two year olds don't listen much - that's normal. Unless you whisper "do you want some chocolate?" in which case they are like a bat. See also, muttered swear words and what you thought they didn't hear you say about Granny.

Oh he understands all right and hears me! It’s definitely choosing to ignore. I was holding his sister or I would have picked him up

And with grabbing by the clothes - I find the armpit area on one side, and hip area on the other, gives me the best purchase.

I sound like a toddler wrestler. 😁

Thanks, good idea to grab clothes.