Four year old bedtime ruining our holiday.!

[AHM5619]

So our four year old does best in a routine, he is very energetic and strong willed. He’s a superstar most of the time, but bedtimes have always been somewhat challenging- we go through peaks and troughs. Once asleep he sleeps through till morning. on a bad night he is asleep by 830, a good night 7/730.

We are on holiday and have travelled a fair distance, we’ve needed a couple of hotel stops. In the first he screamed, kicked, punched (you name it!) for about two hours by which point we were all upset and angry. The second one was about an hour of this behaviour and the third again about an hour.

Nothing will calm him, he is out of control. We’ve stuck to our usual English time routine as we know that this suits him best. We’ve eaten at normal times and he has eaten well. I know it’s terribly exciting and a bit overwhelming but this is just miserable.

He has big emotions but he can and does control them at nursery etc.

Any advice as I am sitting here, hungry having not had supper, miserable as I worry what on earth is wrong with him!

How long have you been travelling for and how far?

Maybe you've overestimated what all this travelling has done to him?

Or underestimated

We’ve only been away for ten days and are on the way back now. He’s been away lots before and had a similar pattern, 10hours via car from the the port split into two days driving.

Well be sounds either overtired or not tired enough if you're sticking to English time for routine? Does that mean you've kept it the same as what would be in England right now or do you mean you kept bedtime at 7.30 whilst on holiday?

Also why post now when you've got one/ two nights left?!

With my DC we learnt early that we had to go away in holidays where the places we stayed looked like homes. This lasted until they were about 7 or 8 years old.
otherwise is was awful. Hotels did not work for us.
they are both neurodiverse
I don’t have any solutions. Just sympathy. Firm boundaries and distractions

If I was 4 years old and you stuck me in car for a two day drive doing 10 hours each day I'd be kicking and screaming too. What kind of holiday is this, it sounds hellish to a small child.

(Heck, it sounds hell to me as grown up, let alone to a child)

Firm boundaries don't work if a child isn't tired. Would you sleep easily if you just absolutely weren't tired?

Or maybe he is overtired and OP is too busy not giving a shit to actually recognise it.
It sounds like a very selfish journey for a 4yr old to put up with.

Think the 10 hours is split over 2 days but still a fair bit stuck in car

Sounds like too long a journey.

On holiday I'd just let them stay up if they weren't ready to sleep.

Woah hang on there, why the criticism of OP’s holiday? She says it is 10 hours split over two days ie 5 hours a day. Yes it’s a long drive, but going on the ferry means no airport, no strapped in a plane, can make stops etc. I think it sounds like a brilliant holiday!

*sorry, missed the point of the post. No advice but sympathy from me.

On holidays I just let my DD stay up as she loves the entertainment. I wouldn't set her a bed time while we're away, takes a few days to readjust when we're back. I also book holidays I know will be suitable for her to, minimal transfer times from airport, kids club etc

I would just leave them up way later on holiday. So they crash when sharing hotel room together later. Never attempt bedtime when you haven’t eaten as it’s a disaster if your not ready for bed also

On holiday we let them stay up until they crash. Can’t be bothered with stress and arguments on holiday. Deal with the consequences when you get home

May be slightly missing the point, but if you haven’t had dinner what are you planning to do once DC sleeps? Go and get dinner one at a time? Order dinner to the room? Or are you already home now?

We do similar, more driving actually, we do 7 hours and 7 hours with an overnight ferry in the middle. Our children are 2, 5 and 7, we go with the flow, no regimented routine, we're on holiday so don't need to be anywhere. Kids sleep fine, bedtime is way later than at home 10/11pm. Sometimes they power nap in the day, they can we're on holiday. There's no screaming or crying, we aren't stressed either. Back home 7.30/8pm is bedtime, they go no problem at home. If they've been in the car all day they'll be snoozing on off all day come bedtime they are anything but tired. Absolutely no point in carrying on at home routines, they're out the window, go with the flow.

Op , is it possible you’ve overthought this and tried too hard to preserve routine? My 4 yr old would have been sat in a buggy enjoying the lights or hustle and bustle of wherever we were ( family friendly cafes and bars) or the beach even until he was falling asleep and DH would carry him to bed. That way we got the most out of our days and evenings. He’s been known to watch the boats traverse the horizon ( pretty lights) with a blanket over his knees while we had a wine and tapas many a night. They don’t turn into pumpkins. I certainly never enforced a bedtime routine because it seemed daft to rob ourselves of an evening too. What sort of hotel room? If you’re genuinely stuck there, run a bath , stick some cartoons on and just chill .

I'd just let him stay up later than usual, you all then can have a nice night.
I don't think travelling 5 hours per day is that bad, I'm guessing there's stops so I can't see that there's too much wrong with what you've done

My eldest DS would be exactly the same. He is highly sensitive (I know MN hates this term but he IS) and super sensitive to changes in environment and routine. We go on short holidays and don't move around once we are there. He's an absolute dream during term time. It won't last forever. Have you read Raising Your Spirited Child? I think it's ok, I think it's within the range of normal... it's just rubbish for you.

We stick to the routine but shift it 1-2 hours later than they’re used to, which helps avoid this as they’re more knackered. They are just wired at the end of a car journey day - so much unfamiliarity and so little chance to self-regulate through movement.

My advice would have been to let go of the routine but seems a bit late given you are on your way home.

Maybe he does best in a routine at home, but would be better without one whilst travelling? The routine clearly isn't working so sack it off, let him stay up late and see how he goes.