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Parenting

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Original poster

Four year old bedtime ruining our holiday.!

66 replies

AHM5619 · 05/08/2023 19:00

So our four year old does best in a routine, he is very energetic and strong willed. He’s a superstar most of the time, but bedtimes have always been somewhat challenging- we go through peaks and troughs. Once asleep he sleeps through till morning. on a bad night he is asleep by 830, a good night 7/730.

We are on holiday and have travelled a fair distance, we’ve needed a couple of hotel stops. In the first he screamed, kicked, punched (you name it!) for about two hours by which point we were all upset and angry. The second one was about an hour of this behaviour and the third again about an hour.

Nothing will calm him, he is out of control. We’ve stuck to our usual English time routine as we know that this suits him best. We’ve eaten at normal times and he has eaten well. I know it’s terribly exciting and a bit overwhelming but this is just miserable.

He has big emotions but he can and does control them at nursery etc.

Any advice as I am sitting here, hungry having not had supper, miserable as I worry what on earth is wrong with him!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Summertime109 · 05/08/2023 19:27

I’ve always let mine stay up on holiday. One is a real night bird so would put her
to bed at the same time as me. She wouldn’t have gone to sleep anyways. My other child use to take himself off to bed when he’d had enough

Sunshineclouds11 · 05/08/2023 19:28

We never stick to routine on holiday.
DC crashes when he crashes! We enjoy the longer nights with him tbh.

gogomoto · 05/08/2023 19:30

Never stuck to routines on holiday, seems to work better, always did long road trips or backpacking

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Bemyclementine · 05/08/2023 19:33

Let the routine go. Ds1 had a very firm routine abd went to bed really nicely at home. 2 nights of hell on our first holiday persuaded me to change it up a bit! They're tired when you get hone so fall straight back into routine very easily I find.

Charrington · 05/08/2023 19:34

Sympathy hug
Holidays can be hard.

We had to stick to shorter drives, and like a pp said, locations that were a home away from home feel. I even brought their pillowcases so bedtime smelled right.

But we figured this out by trial and error!

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2023 19:37

I don't see why you split the driving into two days. You could have easily made it in one. I think he's just overtired and doesn't know what to do with himself.

tolerable · 05/08/2023 19:37

so.wear him out? Your on holiday an extra hour or two-let him run around/park/walkabout is gonna give you opportunity to make happy memories. Remove the fight.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 05/08/2023 19:42

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2023 19:37

I don't see why you split the driving into two days. You could have easily made it in one. I think he's just overtired and doesn't know what to do with himself.

10hrs is WAY too long for a small child to endure and would have been utterly selfish of the OP had she opted to do this.

We drive to France regularly and do 5 / 6. That’s more than enough for our DC to tolerate. Pre DC we often did the journey in one go and it was bloody gruelling.

CurlewKate · 05/08/2023 19:44

We always completely relaxed any sort of routine with ours when we travelled. They slept when they dropped. Won't work for everyone-but it worked for us.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2023 19:48

TarquinOliverNimrod · 05/08/2023 19:42

10hrs is WAY too long for a small child to endure and would have been utterly selfish of the OP had she opted to do this.

We drive to France regularly and do 5 / 6. That’s more than enough for our DC to tolerate. Pre DC we often did the journey in one go and it was bloody gruelling.

Show quote history

A 5 to 6 hour drive is "gruelling?" Ok.

My husband and I drove 10+ hours with our kids many, many times and it was fine. We'd drive a couple of hours, get out, run around, and they slept for a big chunk of it. Never had a single issue. Utterly selfish, eh? You're so dramatic.

Somehow our kids have grown up to be well adjusted adults despite our selfishness.

TurkeyLurkey4 · 05/08/2023 19:56

Sounds like he’s either overtired or overstimulated/understimulated. Has he been more active than usual? Or is he doing less than he would be at nursery? It’s so hard because under tired and overtired can both cause what you’re describing. Can you ask him when he’s calm? Maybe he’s just missing home and is over it? You poor things, that sounds rough on everyone.

CottonSock · 05/08/2023 19:58

Holiday equals late nights for kids, especially if they are stuck in a car for hours.

FirstDayOfHoliyays · 05/08/2023 20:05

I'd have flown or stayed closer to the port and let him stay up and enjoy the entertainment. Christ he's 4 not 4 months 🤣

YoBeaches · 05/08/2023 20:07

I did this last year with 3ye old but on holiday we don't stick to routine. Eating and snacking yes but bed time and get up no. She will sleep 11hrs solid from whatever time she goes down and usually can't hack it past 10pm.

How have you tested it to confirm that routine is better on a long trip abroad?

Sometimes they get stuck between so much freedom in the day then so much control at night.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 05/08/2023 20:13

Fluffycloudsblusky · 05/08/2023 19:08

With my DC we learnt early that we had to go away in holidays where the places we stayed looked like homes. This lasted until they were about 7 or 8 years old.
otherwise is was awful. Hotels did not work for us.
they are both neurodiverse
I don’t have any solutions. Just sympathy. Firm boundaries and distractions

That's really interesting as ours are ND and houses/apartments have always worked best for us too. The youngest has ASD and needs a lot of time alone so is much better with her own room.

totallyteutonic · 05/08/2023 20:20

Echoing others by saying on holiday we just let 4 year old stay up late and go out to eat, drink, dance etc. She was going to bed at 11pm most nights and having a blast with friends she made. Isn’t it boring for him and you to be in so early? Sounds like you are treating him more like a baby.

Yellowflower47 · 05/08/2023 20:36

I have a baby and I holiday with her regularly… just let the routine go and stop putting all of you through the misery of the fight at bedtime. Let them enjoy themselves and go to bed when they’re ready.

lochmaree · 05/08/2023 20:47

we are setting off on a quite a long journey tomorrow with our two littles - 3 and 1. doing 5.5 hours tomorrow and staying in a hotel then another 5 hours to stay with family. we usually drive for a couple of hours, stop for a good run around and lunch, always outside and preferably picnic so they can move as much as they want. then drive another couple of hours where they'd usually sleep. then stop for food at a place with soft play or a park. then another little bit in the car. they either go straight to bed once at the hotel which is usually around bedtime, or they stay up late, if they've just been asleep in the car. we just let them get on with it!

EmeraldDuck · 05/08/2023 21:24

BetsyBobbins · 05/08/2023 19:09

If I was 4 years old and you stuck me in car for a two day drive doing 10 hours each day I'd be kicking and screaming too. What kind of holiday is this, it sounds hellish to a small child.

This.

Kids need lots of exercise, free play with friends, fresh air and regular meals. Take away any of those and you have a nightmare kid.

Xrays · 05/08/2023 21:30

Another one agreeing with the poster saying that it sounds like hell for a 4 year old.

Original poster

AHM5619 · 06/08/2023 03:05

Thanks for the suggestions - it sounds like we should have tried more freedom at bedtime. We aired on the side of routine as he doesn’t drop really and never has 😂

Thank you also for all suggesting our holiday sounds like hell. A week in the south of France in a Gite with our own pool - gosh what have we done to him!

OP posts:

tolerable · 06/08/2023 03:16

lol- happy daze

greenspaces4peace · 06/08/2023 03:43

Long hauls are routine in Canada. Do it all at once get the misery over with asap.
Dragging it out, hotels, bored in the back seat HELL especially if rear facing.

StarryNightAddict · 06/08/2023 04:04

I Don’t understand the cunty replies saying it’s too long in the car and sounds like a shit holiday. How is it different to being stuck on a plane or train for 5-10 hours?? At least you can stop and get out if you’re driving.

Clymene · 06/08/2023 04:34

AHM5619 · 06/08/2023 03:05

Thanks for the suggestions - it sounds like we should have tried more freedom at bedtime. We aired on the side of routine as he doesn’t drop really and never has 😂

Thank you also for all suggesting our holiday sounds like hell. A week in the south of France in a Gite with our own pool - gosh what have we done to him!

Assuming you've got another couple of hours in the U.K., yes I do think 12 hours driving each way for a week in a gite sounds bloody miserable for a 4 year old.

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