Am I stupid to feel guilt over this?

[Elsxx]

So DC2 wasn’t planned however I wasn’t on the pill. I took a contraception break while waiting to decide what to switch to, and the one time you don’t use anything and think “it’ll be fine” I got pregnant! Me and DH in a very good position so it wasn’t. A bad suprise just sooner than we’d like!
so although I say unplanned, I hold my hands up on the lack of contraception etc.

This means DC2 is due 3 weeks after DC1s birthday. I thought maybe if I requested a VBAC ( if there were minimal risk) I could potentially go overdue and the birthdays be further apart

however speaking to my midwife, as DS was big and I’ve previously had a c section (elective due to breach that went well but I obviously still have the scar that could rupture!) that they’d look to do sweeps or ask about induction so I would go like 3 days over my due date max. They don’t want me going far overdue

so either way the birthdays are under a month apart and I do feel guilty I don’t get why :(

does anyone have kids who have birthdays within an month of eachother?

DH and his brother are 5 days apart and his parents always did ‘joint celebrations’ which I personally wouldn’t want to do and wouldn’t want people thinking we celebrate them together

sorry for sounding silly I come from a family who celebrates all occasions we love to celebrate and make a fuss of each other :)

A month apart will have very little impact. Just make sure they get roughly the same "build up" eg. No planning parties or asking for presents until a month before each birthday or something

It really won’t be a problem. You’re kids won’t know any difference.

It really doesn’t matter, just make sure they both get attention. I’m pregnant again and my kids will have Oct and Nov birthdays.

What matters most is having a safe birth for you and your baby :)

There's five months between my kids' birthdays and I've still done joint celebrations occasionally (at their request) so I wouldn't give this a second thought!!

3 weeks is a long time when you’re little! I wouldn’t give this a second thought, honestly. Yes - if their birthdays had been the same day, that might be tricky. But three weeks later won’t be an issue at all.

Mine are 6 days apart and whilst they are still young I don't see the issue tbh. So definitely don't feel guilty about a few weeks! Whilst they might have a joint party or whatever, they'll still have their own day.

Hi. I have 2dds.. Their birthdays are 2 weeks apart. As long as you do different celebrations it should be ok. Mine never complained. My Dh's birthday is in between my 2 dds so we always had 3 different celebrations

DH, his sister and brother (and his dad, actually) all have birthdays within a 7 week period. I just asked him and he said it was never an issue growing up, they always had separate parties and were made a fuss of/made to feel special on their own birthdays. It is what you make it 🤷‍♀️

Most important thing is the safest type of birth (are your kids v close in age?) have you had your VBAC sign off in birth choices appt?

I went for VBAC for birth 2 and went into spontaneous labour at 38 weeks so it’s doesn’t always mean you go overdue. Also induction is sometimes not safe for a VBAC as you don’t want to encourage fast intense contractions when you have a scar to consider.

anyway I’m sure a birthday even a day apart will be fine and you will make it work as a family! You could always do the first party one weekend and the second party the next weekend

Mine are less than 2 weeks apart and it has never been an issue. We keep cards and decorations up for a week and then take everything down and get it all out again 4 days later for the next birthday celebration. We also try to book their birthday parties / activities with friends for different weekends in the month but sometimes it has ended up on same weekend and still no issue.

Hi @Elsxx me and my brother are 10 days apart. Growing up my mum would do a party for me then another party for my brother. We love celebrations too. Never really felt that we had 10 days between our birthdays. Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

My kids’ birthdays are three weeks apart (we adopted them, so no planning on my part 😂). It’s honestly fine. Now they’re primary age, it does make ‘birthday season’ slightly on the intense side, because it’s a lot of party and present planning at the same time. But that’s a minor issue and they don’t notice at all.

Don’t feel bad, but no you’re not silly. I feel anxious over the littlest things.
but look at it this way - Christmas and new year are a week apart and they are different celebrations! It will be fine :)

My two will be 5 months apart but for what it's worth myself and my sister are 2 weeks apart.
We've never had anything joint, and tbh it's never really been an issue that we thought of.

My two are a month and a day apart. It's not an issue for them at all, more for us that we have two months back to back where we have to manage our money to stretch to birthday presents.

I don't see the big deal with 3 weeks. As long as they are having separate parties, which it sounds like you're going to do, then no issue! They'll still feel special.

Ds2 was due a week after my birthday and I was hoping he wouldn't come on my birthday as I didn't want him having to share his day with people also wishing me happy birthday. I was trying to think of a way I could ask people to not wish me happy birthday 😅 as I wanted him to have his own day. So I was relieved when he chose the day after my birthday to come😅

2 of ours have birthdays 10 days apart. DS2 was actually due on DS1 birthday so I felt as long as that didn't happen anything else was fine. It's never caused a single issue. We have 3 DC with birthdays within 6 weeks, so that does get a little intense with planning and hosting 3 parties close together.

My two’s birthdays are two weeks apart and I love it, it feels like a fun birthday month. And helps with jealousy over presents as each child gets some in a 2 week period. Yes it’s expensive in a short space of time but you know it’s coming so plan for that

Mine are 2 days apart. We have a family party on the day inbetween, friends parties on the weekends either side, a family special meal on the actual day and about 50 birthday cakes! Which reminds me, I need to start saving now.

Very good point, it really does help with present jealousy

I have a friend who has 2 dc that share a birthday, they're a few years apart so definitely not twins!
In the early years joint celebrations (but not joint presents) were common but as they grew and developed different interests they started with separate celebrations.

Fwiw, neither of my dc were what you'd call planned, but both very much wanted if that makes sense.

Two of mine are a week apart. I was glad it wasnt the same day, apart from that it never occured to me to feel guilty about it and my daughter doesn't seem to mind at all.

10 days apart always done separate things 🤷🏽‍♀️

Don't give it a moments thought. Deliver your baby in the safest way at the safest time, and the birthday issues will all work out.

If you allow the birthday issues to guide ANY of your birthing decisions and the birth goes wrong or has any lasting impact, you will forever wonder whether it was your decision to wait/rush, VBAC/section, etc etc that led to the issues.

I didn’t know this was even a ‘thing’. My brother and I are a week apart and I never considered it an issue, or knew it was one for others, until now! As long as both kids are made a fuss of individually what’s the problem? (Genuinely don’t get it - would love to ask my mum is she ever felt guilty about her/my dads bad planning, lol)