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Original poster

Would this put you off a nursery?

59 replies

SENnurserysettling · 02/08/2023 12:58

If there was a parent who stayed for part of every session with their child (then parent and child leave early) who had severe SEN needs? Would you feel that it would unsettle the other children as they don’t have a parent there ? Or would you be ok with it

OP posts:
Ostryga · 02/08/2023 13:02

Yes it would, not just for the unsettling of the other children, but also why is a nursery accepting children they are not equipped to look after properly? Either they can cater to SEN children or they can’t, and it would absolutely make me question sending Dd there.

Comefromaway · 02/08/2023 13:02

I'd be fine with it (but I used to run kids singing classes where parents were not allowed apart from the parent of a child with severe SEN.)

Comefromaway · 02/08/2023 13:03

However I'd want to know the parent was DBS checked or fully supervised at all times around the other children, and was following all nursery policies and procedures.

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HaPPy8 · 02/08/2023 13:04

Wouldn’t worry me.

Nothingbuttheglory · 02/08/2023 13:05

I'd like that the nursery was being inclusive.

ManchesterLu · 02/08/2023 13:05

I'd think it was good that I'd chosen a nursery who did everything they could to ensure all children could benefit from their sessions.

Step5678 · 02/08/2023 13:06

Wouldn't bother me. This is equity in practice, I.e. one child needs extra attention and is getting it. If your child is old enough to ask about it, then explain that to them. If they're not old enough to ask then they're probably too young to notice so what's the problem?

Bobbybobbins · 02/08/2023 13:07

I think it's fine as long as the parent has DBS check.

Sunshineclouds11 · 02/08/2023 13:09

Wouldn't bother me

Himawarigirl · 02/08/2023 13:13

It wouldn’t put me off, especially as in this case there is a fairly clear reason why that child’s parent stays with them that is easy to explain to your child if they’re upset. It shows the nursery is inclusive. My son’s pre school was happy for parents to come in and stay for a bit in the mornings if they wanted to or to leave directly. I’d hate to think none of us were allowed in just because some of us didn’t/couldn’t come in. I usually end up reading to a group of kids, including my own, to start off their day and none of them find it upsetting that some of the parents stick around but some don’t. Welcoming parents in is usually a sign of a good nursery, they’re happy for you to see everything.

aunttrixie · 02/08/2023 13:16

Himawarigirl · 02/08/2023 13:13

It wouldn’t put me off, especially as in this case there is a fairly clear reason why that child’s parent stays with them that is easy to explain to your child if they’re upset. It shows the nursery is inclusive. My son’s pre school was happy for parents to come in and stay for a bit in the mornings if they wanted to or to leave directly. I’d hate to think none of us were allowed in just because some of us didn’t/couldn’t come in. I usually end up reading to a group of kids, including my own, to start off their day and none of them find it upsetting that some of the parents stick around but some don’t. Welcoming parents in is usually a sign of a good nursery, they’re happy for you to see everything.

One parent staying for a specific reason probably wouldn't bother me, but loads of random parents staying and potentially interacting with my child would! I pay a lot of money for my child to be looked after by DBS-checked staff who are trained in childcare, not just whoever happens to be passing through! This seems really weird to me and I wouldn't be happy with it at all

CarnelianArtist · 02/08/2023 13:18

Severe sen needs varies. Depends on if I thought they may hurt my child and how the nursery handles it. There's a boy in my kids nursery with perhaps severe sen needs. He can't speak or interact much and breaks things. But he isn't a threat to my child, and it's been nice hearing my child explain how he's different and be understanding of his behaviour

KateyCuckoo · 02/08/2023 13:20

Are you the parent staying? Are you trying to convince the nursery who have said no? That's how it reads to me.

Prinnny · 02/08/2023 13:22

Yeah it would put me off. It sets a precedent for others to ask to go in, plus I’d worry that my child could be hurt by the SEN child if the parent wasn't able to go in and there was no 121.

Original poster
SENnurserysettling · 02/08/2023 13:24

KateyCuckoo · 02/08/2023 13:20

Are you the parent staying? Are you trying to convince the nursery who have said no? That's how it reads to me.

Yes - it was fine at first but now I’m being told that it’s been mentioned by other parents . The plan we agreed was 1.5 hour sessions with me there then I would start to leave the room for 5/10 mins then return and build up from there. I don’t really think the alternative of distressing dd will be less disruptive for the other children as she will be loud and possibly violent and need a staff member who is then taken away from the other children
Very complex SEN needs (trying to get an ehcp currently). ASD, ADHD, non verbal, SPD and ARFID.

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 02/08/2023 13:25

It would encourage me, shows they see the children as individuals and are willing to meet their needs as such.

Mummy08m · 02/08/2023 13:26

Comefromaway · 02/08/2023 13:03

However I'd want to know the parent was DBS checked or fully supervised at all times around the other children, and was following all nursery policies and procedures.

Yes I think this is a big deal really...

In practice this mum will probably interact with the other kids as well, eg when they come to interact with her child, she'd be like the sort of teaching assistant that is attached to one child.

But she wouldn't have any accountability or training.

If she is doing anything differently to how staff would, with respect to other children, I think it'd be awkward for staff to address this with her as she's a client not staff.

I think this would put me off unless there were lots of other good things to outweigh it.

Original poster
SENnurserysettling · 02/08/2023 13:26

We are making progress so I think that it’s working so I really want to stick the agreed plan as it was based on needing approx 4 weeks to settle 🤞

OP posts:
DontMakeMeShushYou · 02/08/2023 13:30

No, at nursery age I doubt most babies/toddlers would really be aware that this was a parent and not a member of staff. Besides nursery staff quite often have their own children there (they did at my children's nursery at least)

tulipsunday · 02/08/2023 13:30

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

Boating123 · 02/08/2023 13:31

If I knew there was a good reason (which there is) and I knew it would only be a temporary thing e.g a 2 month limit - I would be okay with it.
If it wasn't explained to me and thought you would be there indefinitely I probably wouldn't be okay with it.

bryceQ · 02/08/2023 13:31

I know you're not asking for settling advice but I've been in your shoes.

My son has what would be deemed severe autism, non verbal, he will likely be diagnosed adhd (too young), pica etc - I was staying when we started him at nursery he was 3.5 years old. I think this just prolonged the settle in period. After a month I started to leave him for an hour and then two hours and the staff developed their own relationship and ways to calm and support him.

He still can't manage more than 3 hours a year on but he isn't unhappy during it. We had some very upsetting drop offs where I would sit near the school in tears myself. But it helped when I stopped staying.

Original poster
SENnurserysettling · 02/08/2023 13:34

bryceQ · 02/08/2023 13:31

I know you're not asking for settling advice but I've been in your shoes.

My son has what would be deemed severe autism, non verbal, he will likely be diagnosed adhd (too young), pica etc - I was staying when we started him at nursery he was 3.5 years old. I think this just prolonged the settle in period. After a month I started to leave him for an hour and then two hours and the staff developed their own relationship and ways to calm and support him.

He still can't manage more than 3 hours a year on but he isn't unhappy during it. We had some very upsetting drop offs where I would sit near the school in tears myself. But it helped when I stopped staying.

Thankyou that’s really helpful, they have been times where I’ve questioned whether it’s the right thing to do and should I just leave it but I’m trying to be hopeful that she will at some point like even small parts of it or get some kind of benefit

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 02/08/2023 13:36

Who will take over your child’s 1:1 care / early education needs when you are not there? Has someone been appointed and you are partly there to train them? Or is the plan for care for your child with high levels of SEN within the normal ratios? Is the latter safe, for your child and for the others?

Original poster
SENnurserysettling · 02/08/2023 13:39

cantkeepawayforever · 02/08/2023 13:36

Who will take over your child’s 1:1 care / early education needs when you are not there? Has someone been appointed and you are partly there to train them? Or is the plan for care for your child with high levels of SEN within the normal ratios? Is the latter safe, for your child and for the others?

We are trying to get an ehcp so hopefully it will get sorted out. I think it will be safe if she isn’t triggered by things as once she has formed a positive association with something / someone we don’t have violence issues but if she gets scared it then causes a problem where she panics I think and can’t tolerate anyone near her. She’s been doing well and tolerating so far as I think I’m there so she will just cling to me but stay calm and watch so I can see progress

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