Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Third child? I love having little ones… Will I love having older children?)

71 replies

Wandbagon · 23/07/2023 22:16

I have a 2 year old and a 7 week old. I’m very lucky to have been surprised by how much I enjoy parenting so far. My husband also loves it.

We feel that we’d like another child, however, we are aware that we are still relatively new to parenting and have no idea whether we’ll love the stages that lie ahead. We will need to decide whether or not to try for another baby within the next year or two, so would be committing to three children whilst the eldest is 5 or younger.

I am wondering whether anyone else loved having little children, but found it more difficult as they became older children and teenagers? Does anyone regret having another child on this basis?

NB. I’m aware of all the other considerations that need to be weighed up before having another baby. Financially, a third would be doable. We are concerned about the environmental impact and about the impact on time spent with our existing children, so may not go ahead for these reasons.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Contraversialcate · 23/07/2023 22:21

Following as we took the plunge and had a third for different reasons but I do worry about this!

MaxwellCat · 23/07/2023 22:22

Honestly I much preferred my children when they were younger

Gothambutnotahamster · 23/07/2023 22:27

Me too @MaxwellCat Blush

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 2 year olds 5 year olds Babies & sleep
LeafMeBee · 23/07/2023 22:28

I had 4 under 7 at one point as, like you, I loved it, loved the babies and little kids stage. Now I have a 16,14,12 and 8 year old and it is fucking hard. I feel like I can't give them all the attention they need, mental health in this generation seems very delicate, so much anxiety, self harm etc. not to mention them all growing their own personalities so it's s harder to do things they all like together, when they were little a trip to the park was all it took or even a trip to a pet shop or library.

Obviously I wouldn't change my children for the world, but if I could have told my younger self to stop at 2 I would have.

(I may have felt less overwhelmed with 3, so in your situation 3 may indeed be the magic number) but looking back, for their sake, I don't think I should have had 4

BasiliskStare · 23/07/2023 22:32

I loved my DS when he was little - l loved him just as much as a teenager and now he is early 20s Oh my goodness - fabulous.
I miss the baby toddler stage but Oh the lovely chatting and friendliness with older DS - would not swap for worlds.

Gothambutnotahamster · 23/07/2023 22:36

How many do you have @BasiliskStare as the question is going from 2 to 3, not stopping at one?

HoggyDunlop · 23/07/2023 22:42

I had 3 under 5 - now got a 2, 5 and 6 year old.
When they were babies/toddlers it was bloody hard. Not hard, impossible. The thing is with children, they don't take it in turns to need you. Juggling 3 children vs 2 is so much harder when 2 or all 3 of them are in need of you at the same time - for whatever reason. It could be illness, developmental changes, transitions etc etc. They aren't able to understand why you can't dedicate yourself completely to them when they need you, even if their sibling needs you just as much.

That is the absolute hardest part. Of course i love all my 3, but I was kind of a hot mess mum to start with. Our day to day life has to be a bit chaotic and unplanned, which wouldnt suit friends of mine who are more regimented with their DC. Luckily that aspect wasn't a change for us as we've always been a laid back family.

Our youngest wasn't planned but I adore him - we intended to stop at 2 but life had other plans. I'm so happy with my 3 but I have to be honest it is so very hard and very emotionally draining. From speaking to friends with older children I can only see this aspect getting worse as they get older.

Original poster
Wandbagon · 24/07/2023 11:33

Thank you all! Plenty of food for thought. Seems to confirm my fears that it might all get worse! But not sure how to shake the feeling that I’d like number three. Perhaps the four month sleep regression will hit soon and help me!

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 24/07/2023 13:37

@Gothambutnotahamster - yes sorry about that - I have 1 so didn't read the question properly. Apologies. ( insert embarrassed emoticon of your choice here )
As you were

PerspiringElizabeth · 24/07/2023 13:39

I think you’re wise to have this thought tbh. You only have 2 years of parenting experience. Is there a rush?

I had my third when my other 2 were 6 (a month away from 7) and 4.5. They ADORE their sibling and no worries at all about the gap. Oldest is now 8 and gets more challenging every year.

So glad I had number 3 and glad I had a bigger gap (we couldn’t decide for ages and also covid - and always felt someone was missing and as soon as she was born that went!). But yes it’s hard.

Crunchingleaf · 24/07/2023 13:49

I have 3. Big gap between numbers 1 and 2 and small gap between 2 and 3. Eldest is now a teenager. I found baby stage hardest with DC1, but his father wasn’t too bothered with being an involved parent. Primary age was a breeze fun to chat to go on day trips etc. Getting more withdrawn from family life now but is very laid back and still fun.
We are in baby and toddler stage with other two. We have our tough days but we a lucky with the DC. They are fab.

Original poster
Wandbagon · 24/07/2023 15:42

I suppose there is no need to rush into a decision whilst the youngest is still teeny, but I’m conscious that age isn’t on my side. I’m 35 now so it probably wouldn’t be sensible to leave a large gap, and would want to start trying again when the baby turns one if we do decide to go ahead. I know that there are no guarantees and I’m lucky to have had two healthy babies.

OP posts:
Gothambutnotahamster · 24/07/2023 17:25

BasiliskStare · 24/07/2023 13:37

@Gothambutnotahamster - yes sorry about that - I have 1 so didn't read the question properly. Apologies. ( insert embarrassed emoticon of your choice here )
As you were

Sorry, didn't mean to embarrass you. My reason for asking is that I adore mine currently individually- they're amazing young men, so helpful and considerate, however together is a nightmare at times! They wind each other up (purely by breathing, no other reason) & the house is so full of hormones and testosterone and tension whereas when they were little they were a dream!

So helpful, played well together and it always meant that they all had each other (so if someone didn't want to play, the other 2 did etc) & it was all very easy!

I'm hoping when they reach young adulthood & we're through the teenage years, that they'll be the best of friends again, but right now that's hard to imagine.

Contraversialcate · 24/07/2023 18:57

AIBU to be worried about how hard the teenage years are!? Mine are so cute now!

Crunchingleaf · 24/07/2023 21:12

@Contraversialcate your not being unreasonable. Some parents struggle with the newborn time, toddler years etc. You just don’t know what kind of temperament the child will have in advance.

Contraversialcate · 25/07/2023 05:36

My newborn and toddler years were incredibly hard with first two and now third is an absolute dream (or probably just normal - but my benchmark is low!) and I see what I didn’t have with the other two. Just fear that older kids don’t want to be around you, don’t talk to you, get up to mischief etc. hope I’m wrong!

Lexxxx · 25/07/2023 05:49

I had two and really wanted three. It didn’t happen for one reason and another and for me I’m so glad. I love my teenagers they are so much fun and get they get on brilliantly but I could not do it again. I always say to my friends I’m so glad I stopped at two after all. The teenage years are hectic and mine are pretty easy going. I’ve got friends with teenagers from
hell.
saying all that I know when they have both passed teenager years maybe I’ll be sad I don’t have three grown up children.

Opine · 25/07/2023 05:53

Should I go from two to three is a totally different question to are older children harder work/less pleasurable.

You have two and they’re going to get older whether you like it or not . It isn’t the same of course but why would it be. A two year old isn’t a seven year old. Parenting is a journey.
If it turns out you don’t like it then what? And what does a third one have to do with any of it?

wandawaves · 25/07/2023 06:00

I am wondering whether anyone else loved having little children, but found it more difficult as they became older children and teenagers? Does anyone regret having another child on this basis?

Yes.
I love babies! They're so much fun. 3 children/teens is hard, hard, HARD work. I recommend against it.

2023recession · 25/07/2023 06:08

I adore primary age and teens. So interesting and I really love hanging out and chatting to my 16 and 13 year old who are breezing through. Toddler years were sweet but such hard work in comparison. My youngest is 9 and much more high drama and highly strung than the others and I suspect she’s going to be a tricky teen but so far it’s been great with a 16, 13 and 9 year old.

2023recession · 25/07/2023 06:13

Genuinely I’m confused about people saying teens are more hectic than toddlers. Mine are independent and I am so hands off compared to their early years. It may help that I live centrally with good public transport so I’m not taxi service all the time.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 25/07/2023 06:17

Never have more kids than you have hands is my motto.

FourTeaFallOut · 25/07/2023 06:19

I have a 16, 14 and 9 yo and I love it as much now as I ever did when they were small and far, far more than when they were babies. They are great fun to be around, you can do so much more interesting and ambitious things with them as they become more capable and independent, and as they become teens it's really exciting to watch them find their strengths and work towards their own goals.

lilyfire · 25/07/2023 06:23

I had three under five. They are mid to late teens now. They’ve not been angels and dealing with GCSEs isn’t much fun but generally they are great company and it’s much easier than when they were little. They all get on pretty well and I like the interactions they have as a three. It’s a bit scary expensive thinking of putting them all through Uni. If you’re not too worried about the financial side and can square the environmental impact then I’d say go for it.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 25/07/2023 06:28

I love the baby /toddler phase and really enjoyed having three under five. Only one of them was a particularly easy baby but I found seeing them grow and develop was magical. And although I missed the baby years I can honestly say that although the challenges change I have never regretted having three. They are all adults now and two of them have DC and I am very fortunate to be experiencing those baby years again at close quarters with the DGC.