Third child? I love having little ones… Will I love having older children?)

[Wandbagon]

I have a 2 year old and a 7 week old. I’m very lucky to have been surprised by how much I enjoy parenting so far. My husband also loves it.

We feel that we’d like another child, however, we are aware that we are still relatively new to parenting and have no idea whether we’ll love the stages that lie ahead. We will need to decide whether or not to try for another baby within the next year or two, so would be committing to three children whilst the eldest is 5 or younger.

I am wondering whether anyone else loved having little children, but found it more difficult as they became older children and teenagers? Does anyone regret having another child on this basis?

NB. I’m aware of all the other considerations that need to be weighed up before having another baby. Financially, a third would be doable. We are concerned about the environmental impact and about the impact on time spent with our existing children, so may not go ahead for these reasons.

I am one of 3 (2 year age gaps) and we had a great younger childhood but my dad often says he loved it as we got older and we’re able to chat and joke about things, have our own lives etc. when we were teens our house was always busy and full with friends dropping in and out etc. it was a lovely time (and yes we had our share of dramas - debt, drinking, health crisis and strops etc but overall was great). I have a teen DS who was ace as a toddler and is great company now

I had 4 under 5. Some of the teen period was tough (maybe 5 years), but overall I'm so happy I had them close. As little ones they were close, and as adults it's great too. Just a wobble in the middle!

I was explaining this to DS1 one morning on the way to school as he was begging yet again for a sister (he already had a brother), conversation made me think “hmmm, I’m a bit overdue”, he got his sister!

To the OP mine are now all adults but I much preferred parenting as they got older. I find under 3s pretty dull/hard work, loved it after that.

Oh I loved them at that age. I'd stop if I were you. I also wanted more but I'm sure if we'd had another one I'd be so stressed about affording everything now. University is expensive, holidays all the clubs. Also teenagers can be difficult.

I am one of four. Growing up I thought I loved being part of a big family. And indeed I did like the noise, busyness etc in our house. But now I have my own, I see it differently. Two of my siblings were very ill for many years. So much happened in my life that my parents never knew about as they were, rightly, wrapped up in my ill brothers. There was not enough one to one time.

we have stopped at two for many reasons… environmental impact being a huge one. But also, I want to be able to give a lot to each of my children. I want to be prepared for anything difficult that may come up in their teenage years and have enough time and attention to give to them each if/when they need it. This feels important to me, after reflecting on my own different experiences.

Mine are 16, 14 & 9. They get on well and I love watching them get older. I loved the baby stages too. I really enjoy conversations and activities with the older two as they are becoming independent and becoming confident in who they are. They can be apathetic and as cynical as the next teenager but my 9 year old is always there to remind them (& us) of the fun, opportunity and joy in life. However, having three children is definitely more work than two and it feels like hard work most of the time. I wouldn't swap it for the world.

I have a 9yr old and 5.5yr old, and pregnant with number 3. They definitely get harder as they get older in my experience so far. DS1 is incredibly hormonal, trying and angry right now, makes DS2 look like an angel!! However I wanted more than 2 so went for it. I however am not into small age gaps

All stages present certain challenges, none are insurmountable.

Having a third is the best thing I ever did, I adore her and she's given me a really different experience of parenting to that of the other two. Go for it!

Teenage years are hard. In my experience, much harder than the toddler years. I have three children. Obviously I wouldn't change it because they are here and they are people and I love them - but let's just say I'm relieved that my husband said no to number four 😜

It's also really expensive having three and life hasn't taken us where we had hoped, financially, so it's a real struggle. I catch myself thinking how much easier life would have been if we'd stopped at two! (Then feel horribly guilty thinking it)

That said, I'm currently on holiday with my kids (just me and kids), in the UK - the weather is awful, and we are having a great time anyway. They can be such good company.

I'll give you a left field suggestion - wait and decide whether to have another one later, but with a big gap.

We have three. DS1 from a previous relationship and DS2 and 3 with DH.

They are 14, almost 5 and almost 2.

It's amazing. I think it's a cheat code for 3 kids. I get to have the little ones together which is what I wanted to do, but I'm not totally drowning, even though there are hard moments. From what I've seen with friends with 3 kids close in age, it's a lot.

Going back to the baby/toddler stage after so long when I had loved it so much felt so so magic and secret and like I was being allowed to do something incredibly special. I also appreciated it much more!

I do find DS2's current age (about 3-6) tricky and wearing, the endless questions and constant attention seeking. Toddlers are magic, teenagers lovely, there is an in between, older primary bit which is nice too.

Interestingly the relationship between DS1/2 is very different to DS1/3. With the ten year gap he's a little bit scared of him and intimidated by him. But the 13 year gap he just treats him like a very fun extra adult who appears every so often and is exciting.

We stuck at 2. They are currently 7 and 9yo, and are a lot more fun and interesting to be around than when they were babies/toddlers/preschoolers. We can do better stuff together and the oldest one can hold some really interesting and thoughtful conversations now. I can only see that side improving further (until we become deeply uncool and dumped for their friends in a few years!). On a purely 'having fun' scale, I'm sure a 3rd DC would be fine and would mostly add in a positive way.
What I would say, is that we would really struggle with logistics. I'm already spread very thinly between work and DCs, and my evenings are spent running them to various clubs (even though they do two together). I definitely couldn't offer a 3rd DC the same, all would have to have less, which would mean a reduction in variety given my DCs are particularly good at a certain sport that has high time demands/multiple training sessions a week, so dropping those sessions wouldn't be on the table.

We haven't had to negotiate the teen years yet, however DD1's hormones have definitely started kicking in as the glimpses of the next 10 years we get look tough on that front! They will also be doing A-levels and GCSEs in the same year, at a time I suspect I will also be coping with the menopause (a lot of wine will be drunk that year...).
Already, DD2 will be graduating Uni at the same time DH retires, so that will impact our ability to stick a good chunk extra away into his pension in the few years running up (especially given there will be a year when both DCs are at Uni). A third DC would likely see him working past retirement age.

Costs are a huge thing too, as already my flipper-footed DD1 is on the brink of adult shoe sizes. No more picking up cheap Clarks in the sales for £5! £30 for trainers and £50 for school shoes is the norm for the cheaper end of reasonable quality. From September she'll be at middle school, which has added costs of the bus (£950pa), additional sports equipment, and things like a mobile phone in case something goes wrong with the bus journey. She will also require a laptop within a year or two. You can spend huge amounts on babies, but there is also the option to buy second hand easily and cheaply. I've found this option has reduced even for upper primary-age, and suspect it will be even less of an option in the teen years.

Also gotta be prepared... the third could be twins

The problem is once you have them as babies you're stuck with them as teens! My mum used to say 'Babies break your back, Teenagers break your heart". That about sums it up! They do come out the other side, hopefully as lovely young adults but, god, the teenage years are HARD.
I was unlucky enough to have my youngest in her late teens through covid. She suffered a lot and went off the rails for 2 years. The number of friends she has with eating disorders, self harming, smoking weed is incredible to when I was her age. Social media has a huge part to play in this. And we are a 'normal' 2.4 family. You always assume it will happen to someone else family. Fortunately, we are out the other side, she's at school, has friends and is healthy again, but teens are TOUGH.

Think about 3 teenagers and menopause.

thh my mum would probably have said the same. She liked the baby stage as they were helpless and reliant on mum. When we got minds of our own then not so much

I loved having babies but as far as I am concerned it is much more fun as they get older and you can do things with them and teach them things. The same with grand children. I miss the days when we would spend an afternoon curled up together reading books but I love it that they now ring up to find out if I am ok and ask me to go to an exhibition

I loved the toddler and primary years although there were definitely challenges . I’m finding the teenage years more challenging- mostly though that I’m constantly worried for their future and for them to be happy sociable and successful . So much more is outside your control - you can fix things when they’re small and they listen to you ( sometimes) . I don’t think having an extra would make it worse apart from having three to stress over rather than two

Mine are 13, 15 and 17. Unlike some other posters I love having teens and find it much easier now than I did 10 years ago. The problem is that it depends on the child you get, which you don't know in advance! For example, my youngest was a non sleeping baby and a tricky toddler, but he's a terrific 13yo.

The hardest thing now is getting them all to their activities. They're all really sporty, which is great, but fitting in all the training and matches is a headache.

I have three (close in age - 3 under 4 when youngest was born) and generally, I love it…even though they were challenging babies who never slept and I was exhausted for years!

They are teens now and it’s fine. Not quite as sweet and fun as when they were, say 10, 8 and 7 - but I enjoy having more independence and watching them become amazing young people with their own lives.

a few things - they are broadly ‘easy’, healthy kids so we’ve been very lucky. Even then it sometimes feels like a lot. Noise, mess, bickering…and the escalating costs as they’ve got older have been really hard to manage tbh.

ultimately, our lives would be ‘easier’ if we’d stopped at two- but even with all the challenges I am so pleased we didn’t.

There's a 1 year and 9 month age gap between my 2.
The first year of parenting a newborn was wonderful, parenting a 1 year old while I was pregnant was still wonderful.
Where you are now with a 2 year old and a new born was also so chilled.

A few years later and it turns out my eldest is autistic, his younger brother annoys him. They fight a lot and are much better behaved when they are separated. I'm so grateful my DH had a vasectomy when my youngest was 6 days old, it took the "what ifs. . . . " off the table, so I knew 2 was all we were going to have.
I regularly think there's no way we could cope with another, but I did love the baby stage aswell.
They're currently 4 and 6. I think things are going to get worse before they get better for us.

I loathed the baby and toddler years, but absolutely love them now they're older, love talking to them and hearing their thoughts and they're such loving, funny souls (I have three under 10, all very close in age, personally best decision ever even though I've never been maternal).

Yes this!!!! Some people have the luck of the draw and get the textbook babies, others get a demon child like my first (he's awesome now btw). All entirely depends on the kind of human you end up with!

I think younger children, perhaps until 7/8 are tiring but relatively simple. Older children and teens are less physically tiring but more emotionally draining, and come with more life admin! I’m glad we stopped at two, even though I was tempted.

I have 4 close in age, and I've loved all ages so far (eldest is 13). Well, not every minute of every day, but you know what I mean.

But I wasn't prepared for the logistics of having more kids. More years of juggling different schools, paying more for wrap-around care, finding anyone who will look after 4 kids (this is probably a bit easier with 3?) Mine only do one club each per week and even that's a nightmare. It would be lovely if I could just say "of course you can do football at 6.30 on a Monday" without having to move heaven and earth to make it happen.

Disclaimer : I also have a tricky, inflexible job, so that doesn't help.

Sorry to sound patronising but your second is so young you are a whirl of hormones. I felt like that after my second.

We have teens now who are lovely work hard nice friends etc but my god even so - we daily are relieved we stopped at two. Much more is demanded of parents of teens now emotionally practically and financially. I could not be doing this a third time.

Yes the clubs. Even with two I had one evening I literally had to be in two places at once. I think (don’t shoot me) it’s better for the children if there are fewer of them.