god I’m finding this so unbelievably hard :(

[Newbornmumma]

6 months in, and I’m wondering if life will ever get easier with my DS. He had horrific colic/ silent reflux which he is now medicated for, we exclusively breast feed and I’ve cut out dairy and soya since he was about a month old. He’s obviously a lot happier since those days of screaming 12/13 hours a day straight, but it still feels like he cries and whines for just most of the day. It’s incredibly hard to get him to sleep or nap for longer than 30 minutes, and sometimes it just feels like everything I do is wrong. He hates the car, won’t tolerate the park for longer than 10 mins… it’s just absolutely exhausting at times and I just can’t help but comparing with my friends with babies that just seem so easy. I know, I shouldn’t, because I wouldn’t actually swap him for anything if I had a choice. Any happy stories of babies that got easier/ happier? I’m really struggling now - I feel so down and sad most of the time. Forgot to say, my husband is amazing when he gets in from work/ weekends and the load feels a lot lighter. But he obviously can’t feed him (won’t take a bottle) so it’s me awake every hour/ two hours of the night :(

My eldest was like that - seemed to suddenly cheer up about the 8 month mark! Now he’s a happy chatty 8 year old.

By contrast my youngest was a super chilled easy going baby - happy to just lie in his cot watching the world go by. Turns out to be autistic and needing a fair amount of support.

I suppose my point is you can’t predict the child from the baby! Both you and your friends with easier babies will go through various different phases with kids being easier/harder.

At the moment this is really really hard. Best thing your husband could do to help would be to let you have some solid naptimes on the weekends - you need blocks of at least 4 hours undisturbed sleep to get your full sleep cycle.

At 6 months is he eating at all? Any chance of him taking milk from a cup to give you a break?

My little one cried in agony for weeks before we knew he was dairy intolerant. Got better when switched to soya formula. Only thing is that he refuses to sleep so screams and flings himself round the cot. Your little one will get through it, great that your hubby helps out. I didn't bf so can only imagine it's relentless. You're doing a great job. Ride it out and remember it does change

Sorry, meant to say won’t tolerate the *pram, not park. That’s sleep deprivation for you haha

Thank you, that’s really encouraging and helpful. You’re absolutely right, I do need to just hang on in there. I think I get myself really upset and almost guilty that I find the crying SO hard. The constant whining is like nails on a chalkboard to me sometimes and I feel like I should be able to tolerate it better because I know it’s not his fault

Thanks so much. I think I do just need sleep, like @AbacusAvocado suggested I think letting my husband take him for a solid few hours at the weekend might help. I need some ear plugs I reckon so I could fully switch off during that time. Sorry… thinking aloud!!

I really fucking struggled between months 6-10, especially as we were in lockdown. If I took her out in her pram or sling for a walk she fucking screamed. I felt so trapped, didnt know what to do with her, she never seemed content to play with a spatula or whatever it is you are told babies will be fine doing while you do housework. Her attention span with toys was 0.2 seconds and I got so depressed and bored I had the tv on ALOT.

Once she learnt she could move around (she never crawled, she went straight to walking at 10 months) life suddenly felt easier. She was very content to waddle about the park, liked exploring, got the hang of weaning.

Some babies just hate being babies I think.

Is he definetly feeding during every night wake or is he suckling for comfort too? Not that that's wrong, but if he is a suckly baby he may be OK with a dummy for those wakes which are an hour after a long feed

It does change in time. Lots things get easier and you get more involved in their emotional needs. With ds2, he hated the baby car seat and would scream constantly. Moved him up to a birth to 18kg seat at 19 months and he was so much happier. I think he hated not being able to see anything.

DD was like this and I loathed every minute of it. Things started to get better around 6 months and were bearable by a year, enjoyable by 2 and pretty much exclusively wonderful from 3 onwards. She’s now 5 and my absolute best pal and sleeps until 9am or later if I let her. Things do get better, I promise. x

Don't beat yourself up, I doubt there's any mother out there who doesn't think constant screaming/crying is irritating as hell. You're not bad for thinking it, just human 😊

Both my DCs had CMPA, the second multiple allergies. My oldest is now 7 yrs and youngest is 4 yrs and without a doubt 6 months was the worst time with both of them. DD2 lived in the sling, on a boob or in my arms for about 8 months.

Do you think he may have another allergy? Both mine were dramatically different after we found out their allergies.

Maybe you could try to view this specific aspect in a different way?

I think you're amazing to continue caring for your child so well despite the fact the crying is so awful.

Crying IS like nails on a blackboard - it is biologically necessary for it to be impossible to ignore. You are doing a fantastic thing by caring for your child under this pressure.

I found 6 months a really tough age. They want to be on the move and a bit more independent but can't yet. My DS got a bit happier with every movement milestone. Sitting unaided, crawling and pulling to stand. He's not walking yet but I'm sure that will cheer him up even more. Honestly I hated motherhood until maybe a month ago? Could also correlate with me knowing I'm going back to work soon as well though. I still have bad days especially when he's teething or not sleeping well. But it is getting easier. Hang in there. He was also a very grumpy whiney baby.

I was at the stage with my first child who was the same.

I actually think you need your partner to take some time off and you need to sleep as much as you can.
Or it's the weekend coming up so get your partner to do everything.
Can you get a cleaner to come for a day a week? Or would any family help you so that you don't have to worry about that for a wee while.
Anything to lighten the load and stresses and then once you are rested you will feel more able to deal with the baby.

Its hell but I remember 6m being better than 3m and 12m better than 6m

Is he laying down flat? My son always slept on his tummy with his bum up in the air.

Oh 100% not hungry, it’s definitely mostly for comfort I think. I can’t even imagine trying to stop the habit though as he really can go from 0-100% so quickly and I’m just not okay with letting him get worked up when I can solve the problem so quickly (albeit I’m probably not helping myself in the long run). Ahhh you’re so right about a dummy but I’ve tried SO many types/ times and he just doesn’t want it sadly :(

You have just described my ds2 at that age. He seemed like the unhappiest baby is ever seen.

I got fuck all sleep, fuck all rest. I remember saying to my mum that he is ducking the joy out of my life. And the worst thing? I hated feeling like that!

Add into the mix the fact he was a late talker, so he couldn't tell me what he wanted (he didn't stray talking until well after 2) and he still didn't sleep.

But, he's 10 now and a total joy. I'll be honest. I don't remember it suddenly getting easier. What I do remember is that I got more used to it, better at asking for help and better at realising I needed some time on my own to recharge, ready for the next hour/day/night/week.

I wouldn't focus too much on the babies needs in the sense that I'm sure they're all met. I'd put your energy into doing what you need to do to survive it.

Do you need to get dressed up and get drunk? Or do you need an afternoon nap in an empty house? Do you need to go for a swim and a coffee on your own? Do you need a date night with dh? Whatever it is try and find a way to make it happen. And remember that you can't run on empty forever. And that the baby stage will pass, and be replaced with another stage. You'll constantly have to adjust. So the best thing you can do is find a way to look after yourself in amongst it all.

My phone hates me. It's not used to my typing yet and so there's loads of weird autocorrects. Hope you can still make sense of it!

When you say hates the pram, is that forward facing or rear?
Some babies really want to see what's going on. He might be happier in a basic stroller (sorry if this is obvious and you've tried it already).

For night you may need your husband to attempt a longer shift. He won't settle for a dummy while he knows there's something nicer nearby, who would?! But he might be more accepting with your husband. Being over tired is a bad cycle. It makes day time napping harder too even though it's illogical.

I am not one for cry it out but more gentle sleep training is worth a shot. Husband does a bit more on a weekend when he can have a lie in. Patting rather than lifting etc. Not offering boob if it's only been an hour since last feed. There are steps other than letting them scream for hours.

If you set aside a weekend knowing it will be bad and taking shifts it will be easier.

It will get easier I promise I know it feels really suffocating and unrelenting right now, but this is a stage, and it will pass, don't be hard on yourself.

Hi @Calmdown14 ! He never made it in the bassinet because he wouldn’t ever be laid flat so he will go in the stroller/ car seat attachments. I thought things would improve in the stroller because like you say he can face outwards and he loves looking at people/ things. Mostly though that’s still 10/15 mins absolute maximum.

i do think you’re right about trying other methods RE sleep. It’s so hard when you’re tired isn’t it? I’m usually a motivated person but feel like I have no motivation to put into trying something new/ attempting something else. Think me and DH need to sit down and think about what we could do

Thank you. I really beat myself up about it, it fills me with rage honestly at times. I have to seriously breathe through it in order not to shout and scream. I know it’s not his fault, it just doesn’t make it a lot easier when he’s really going for gold!

I have to seriously breathe through it in order not to shout and scream.

I would suggest verbalising the truth in a way that is calm.

I used to singsong things like 'I'm finding this really hard, poor you and poor me, isn't this an awfful day'

You don't have to suppress your feelings to be a good and kind mum. Doing that leads to madness!

Good advice - you’re definitely right. I have to say I never, ever thought it would get to me as much as it has. I’ve never been affected by other babies crying… ever!!

This was really lovely, thank you for this perspective check! X

Good advice - you’re definitely right. I have to say I never, ever thought it would get to me as much as it has. I’ve never been affected by other babies crying… ever!!
It's not the same as when it's your own you're just so desperate to be able to find the magic thing that makes it stop. You sound lovely and I know you're doing a great job. Best wishes to you both