god I’m finding this so unbelievably hard :(

[Newbornmumma]

6 months in, and I’m wondering if life will ever get easier with my DS. He had horrific colic/ silent reflux which he is now medicated for, we exclusively breast feed and I’ve cut out dairy and soya since he was about a month old. He’s obviously a lot happier since those days of screaming 12/13 hours a day straight, but it still feels like he cries and whines for just most of the day. It’s incredibly hard to get him to sleep or nap for longer than 30 minutes, and sometimes it just feels like everything I do is wrong. He hates the car, won’t tolerate the park for longer than 10 mins… it’s just absolutely exhausting at times and I just can’t help but comparing with my friends with babies that just seem so easy. I know, I shouldn’t, because I wouldn’t actually swap him for anything if I had a choice. Any happy stories of babies that got easier/ happier? I’m really struggling now - I feel so down and sad most of the time. Forgot to say, my husband is amazing when he gets in from work/ weekends and the load feels a lot lighter. But he obviously can’t feed him (won’t take a bottle) so it’s me awake every hour/ two hours of the night :(

Hi, my 20 month old had tongue-tie and cmpa along with reaction to soya, egg, oat and peas. It is ridiculously hard but does get better. Please look up cmpa groups on FB they were so supportive and helpful. There are so many mums that can support and help you. Can you baby wear? Mine love the material slings, also me slowly and gently bounce on a yoga ball. My husband and I used to sleep in 4hr shifts until he reached 4 month old and the we bedshared following the sleep safe 7.

This was me 12 years ago.

I can even remember saying I wish I had never had a baby. Reflux is just the worst. My neighbour said years later that she felt so sorry for me. It started to get better between 6-12 months. She was an easy toddler - no tantrums, nothing.

still my best little pal now (though her hormones are starting to kick in). You know what, I often look at her and think back at what a tough start we both had in that first 12 months. It makes me love her/us even more.

Look after yourself too.

Just to add, I exclusively breastfed too (she wouldn’t take the bottle). The consultant advised to start solids early and we did at 5 months - I think it made a big difference.

Hi.

Have you tried contact naps and co-sleeping following the Lullaby Trust Safe 7 method? Might help you get more sleep. Also, a sling perhaps instead of the pram? He's biologically programmed to want you near so suckling for comfort is totally normal and you're not making things worse for the future. Honestly, you're doing an amazing job responding to your child's needs. Mine screamed all the time for 7 months until he was finally put on Omeprazole. Then he changed overnight. Hang in there Mama xx

My little boy was the same, it was a really gruelling first 6 months of breastfeeding, never putting him down etc. Then I got a sleep therapist to help us with self settling and stopped feeding him overnight. He started sleeping much better and was happier during the day, as was I. He’s still quite a whingy/demanding child at 5 and always has been, but it gets massively easier once everyone is getting some sleep and once they can sit up/move about/communicate etc.

@Newbornmumma also want to add from my last post - I found a lot of my community / village via social media. Local mum Facebook groups - nct walking groups in my town. Also Instagram is amazing for pages who tell the REAL truth of motherhood - with podcasts and posts and meet ups! Motherkind, amotherplace, themumsclub, jessicaulrich and etc

It sounds like you’re doing an incredible job taking care of your little one in very difficult circumstances.

Things I’d try (sorry if you’ve already tried any of these):

See a baby osteopath

See a baby sleep consultant

If baby is eating food now that should help him to sleep longer as he’s more full.

Try a whole range of different bottles, beakers etc. It sounds like the number one issue is hubby not being able to share the feedings, therefore this is the top priority to sort.

A dummy

Plan something for yourself EVERY weekend, a couple of hours OUT of the house without hubby and baby. Go for a walk, sit in a cafe and read a book, stroll around shops, meet a friend for lunch, go to a yoga class - anything relaxing and something YOU will look forward to doing.

I could have written this 12 years ago. You have all my sympathy - it is so hard! For me, it got better over time, and I am now immensely proud of having managed a very difficult babyhood without doing things I didn't personally agree with (like leaving my baby to cry).

The things that helped us - having a sling for the baby worked much better than a pram, and they seemed easier when slightly upright. Co-sleeping was the only way I got any rest. Getting out of the house kept me sane, my baby wasn't any more settled but it was a change of scenary.

We had a set up where do would get home from work at 6 and he would be in charge of the baby 6 until midnight while I tried to sleep, and then I would have the baby from then. It didn't always work perfectly, the dc were breastfed and sometimes just so unsettled that we would end up switching in two hour shifts.

What I discovered later was that the dc had problems with constipation and general tummy pain, dd2 got somewhat better with me having a dairy-free diet, movicol helped a bit, but I think they were just uncomfortable a lot of the time.

They are 12 and 10 now, and delightful kids who sleep and are a pleasure to be with. Honestly, it was like one day a switch flipped, they stopped crying and started sleeping.

My son is 2 later this year and he went through a period of screaming in the pram too about that age. Coming out the other end, IT DOES GET EASIER!!!!! The screaming stops, the sleep gets better, it does all calm down!!! At points up until about 8 months I felt like I couldn’t do it but you CAN! Xx

My older one was a quite chilled baby, well compared to my younger one but I only realised that when I had the second baby 😂 he was happy to just sit in the middle of the room and watch people. But he was exclusively breast fed - wouldn’t even take expressed milk unless it was a perfect temperature. It all get much easier when I started weaning him, once he had a taste for other foods he would take expressed milk and even formula when needed. As a toddler, he became quite clingy and hated new situations - that’s despite going to nursery from age of 1. He is still quite reserved, a bit socially awkward in new settings and doesn’t like to be a centre of attention at all (but no, he is not on the spectrum, just very introvert). My younger one on the other hand was a tricky baby, wouldn’t take breast as even at couple months old he wanted to see what was going on, hated car seat until we put him in the forward facing one, very early on he was in a stroller facing outwards. Didn’t sleep much, he would fall asleep easily but he would not sleep long - power naps really. He would be up at 5am and ideally he would be ready for a nap when we had to go to nursery or school. It was exhausting - years and years of broken sleep! But, he was the sweetest little boy, really social, very curious, no any issues with new people or places. People didn’t realise how hard work he was behind the closed doors! He is still an early riser at 10! And he is still sweet, extremely likeable boy.
My point is, that you don’t know how other babies are unless you spend 24/7 with them. Also, they way they are as babies have no true bearing on how they will be when they grow up. Hang on, it should ease when he’s weaned - solids help with colic and reflux. Good luck and sorry for my essay of a reply 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

My son was an absolute nightmare baby for the first 9 months or so. Then we got to the bottom of all his allergies and he turned into an utter dream of a toddler, early talker, rarely tantrummed, so much fun. So easy going I travelled all over Europe just me and him a lot of the time. And he' s been a total delight ever since. Genuinely. He's got a golden heart and is such fun to spend time with. He's about to turn 13 and I am hoping he stays that way for the teenage years (<touches wood>)

Hope I’m not too late to the party. Long story short I was the mum with the crazy baby. EBF and crying unless attached to boob, Up every 45 minutes at night. I couldn’t go anywhere as baby just screamed. I was bamboozled at the easy babies just chilling in their bassinet.

I do remember seeing “jumps” in improvements at 4 months, 6 months, and 8 months. Hang in there. it will get easier. My crazy newborn dd is 8 months now and an absolute delight.

you are doing so well!

Ps I won’t lie I am still the green eyed monster when I see those babies asleep in a non moving bassinet. It has always taken my dd (even now) approx 0.2 seconds to wake up from when the bassinet/pram stops being rocked. If I want to get out my water from the pram base for example I have to do it one handed and continue to Rock the pram. It is exhausting as I do think even having 20 minutes of time in a day where dd slept alone Without the pram being rocked would be amazing and chance to zone out. But no such luck. You’re not alone.

You poor thing. My ds had colic and reflux and hated being a baby! It was very tough. Once he was on solids and moving more independently, he was happier. He's always been intensely independent and does things his own way (now 17!). Hang in there, it does get better.

My youngest had terrible reflux, like you I EBF and it was absolutely relentless. Have you had any allergy testing to back up you giving up dairy and soya? Only ask because I did the same but it turned out my DD had an egg allergy which only came to light when we gave it to her when weaning. Once I gave the egg up myself things got so much better although the reflux does tend to get better once they are weaning so could have been a coincidence. What wasn’t a coincidence was that her awful eczema cleared up within a couple of weeks and has never come back. Promise things will get better - she is 4 now and all that seems like a distant memory. Sending hugs whilst you go through this monumentally crap time xx

Wow, reading all of these messages has just been lovely. Another horrific night of sleep last night, but getting out and about in the fresh air today made everything feel loads better. I think in terms of strategies moving forward, I need to persevere with a cup/ bottle so that my husband can do a longer stint at night and hopefully he might rely a bit less on suckling to get him back to sleep.

honestly, I can somewhat deal with the sleep deprivation on its own. But sleep deprivation and a baby that’s been crying all day is a real form of torture. I know I’d be much better equipped to deal with the crying if I could just get a bit more Kip!

when I wrote this message I felt on my knees with desperation, but reading all of your messages I just can’t tell you what a load it’s taken off. Thank you so much. A problem shared really is a problem halved!

My oldest boy had reflux, so badly that he had to sleep in his car seat for a period as he couldn't lie flat. Medication didn't work, what actually worked was a cranial osteopath. Don't ask me how but it was magic. He was eating again and sleeping for 4/5 hour chunks (miraculous for me) after a few treatments

I subsequently sent lots of friends/acquaintances/strangers I met in the park who had 'difficult' babies to her and everyone was amazed by the improvement.

See if there's a cranial osteopath in your area and give it a try, it won't do any harm and it might transform your life as it did mine.

Wishing you the best.

Bless you, you have my absolute sympathy my little girl was like this too.
I don't want to add to your list of things to "sort" but re napping, have you looked at wake windows? I followed advice from the Huckleberry website / app (they have a subscription for some things but loads of useful stuff for free) from 6 months and it was transformative for day time sleep (helped nights too but my DD was a determined night-waker for quite a while). If you can nail naps beyond 30 mins your world opens up again, you have time to think and relax and recharge. Everything becomes easier. Just try it for a week, if it doesn't help you can stop. It literally changed my life and outlook with my DD and the proper sleep helped her to be calmer and happier too.
Hope things improve for you soon, you're doing amazing. It does get easier