god I’m finding this so unbelievably hard :(

[Newbornmumma]

6 months in, and I’m wondering if life will ever get easier with my DS. He had horrific colic/ silent reflux which he is now medicated for, we exclusively breast feed and I’ve cut out dairy and soya since he was about a month old. He’s obviously a lot happier since those days of screaming 12/13 hours a day straight, but it still feels like he cries and whines for just most of the day. It’s incredibly hard to get him to sleep or nap for longer than 30 minutes, and sometimes it just feels like everything I do is wrong. He hates the car, won’t tolerate the park for longer than 10 mins… it’s just absolutely exhausting at times and I just can’t help but comparing with my friends with babies that just seem so easy. I know, I shouldn’t, because I wouldn’t actually swap him for anything if I had a choice. Any happy stories of babies that got easier/ happier? I’m really struggling now - I feel so down and sad most of the time. Forgot to say, my husband is amazing when he gets in from work/ weekends and the load feels a lot lighter. But he obviously can’t feed him (won’t take a bottle) so it’s me awake every hour/ two hours of the night :(

My eldest was like this and it was so so so hard. She's an easy 5 year old now, we're both off today and having a lovely time. I think it steadily improved from six months or so. Even when she was a tantruming, infuriating two or three year old that was easier than the baby bit.

Second was a ray of sunshine who loved her sleep.

My eldest screamed all the time initially and i found around the 9 month mark the turning point for us. I'm sure that was at least partly because that's when I went back to work 4 days a week tho!! She's remained a very sensitive, intense, emotional child, she's 5 now. But I think when they can communicate verbally better it definitely starts to get easier but I would say that's not until about 2 really. But found it gradually just improved as she got older. I had PND after her, the screaming was horrendous and I have awful memories of it. DC2 cries a fair bit too but nowhere near as much as DC1, and when he had odd very bad screaming bouts as a baby I would become quickly quite distressed internally tbh and start getting flash backs almost of with DC1. Honestly me and DH are both traumatised by it all tbh.

So just to say you're not alone, its so so hard, but it definitely gets easier as they age.

I find it amazing how different they can be. My best friend is on mat leave at the same time as me. Her baby sleeps for hours whilst we are out and she can chill and actually read a book!! I can’t believe it sometimes, she doesn’t even need to rock the pram her DD just falls asleep 😂like I say, I’d never swap him, he’s gorgeous and has so much character and is so inquisitive. But bloody hell is he hard work!

DD was much like this - a very angry baby. Both of us were completely shattered and not far from a breakdown for a long time. She's now 6 and still a fairly highly strung child, but it got much easier over time. No medical issues as far as we know.

DD is much more easygoing, so you never know how they'll turn out ..

Hang in there, one day it will have gotten easier without you realising.

Hanging in over here… for dear life! Haha thanks for your input :)

Mine was like this, it was awful!

Yes it absolutely does get better. Mine stopped napping during the day (which was a nightmare anyway) at around 15 months. He then slept brilliantly through the night. He was a handful up until about 4 then seemed to calm down.

He is almost 9 now and wonderful (most of the time!)

My twins were like this. Absolutely awful. Just cried all day long when they were tiny, continued to be unhappy. Things have got incrementally easier from around 8/9 months and the scales definitely topped around the 13 month mark where they were more fun than the effort put in. Think we’re around the 15/16 month now and for the most part they’re a complete joy.

My DS was like this too. I think he just hated being a baby. He got a lot happier when he was able to sit up, then crawl, then walk etc. Hang on in there!

Oh I also had friends with babies who would just lie happily on an activity mat for an hour, some would even fall asleep on it with loads of noise, bright lights etc. meanwhile mine was raging if I dared to lay him down for more than a couple of minutes.

I remember driving almost two hours to buy a second hand bouncy chair because I'd read they were the best and babies were so calm and relaxed etc. I had to stop mid journey to BF in the back of the car, milk and sick went everywhere. I got home so excited to try the chair and nope, he went mental after 5 mins and never took to it at all!

I'd meet up with my friends for lunch and their babies would be happily sat on their knees babbling away happily, or asleep in the pushchair. Mine had to be strapped to me and was whining and fussing the whole time.....ahh happy days!

I was very resentful during those times!

I absolutely hated the first 6 months. 7/8 months was better and 10/11 months was a real turning point. Hang in there.

We had one just like that op. He was basically rubbish at being a baby!

With every new milestone he met, he got a bit happier.

He woke up from naps crying, he moaned constantly, they were dark days tbh.

Hang in there, really do, it will gradually get easier. Ours is a happy, sweet 7 year old now.

The good thing is that our second was a breeze in comparison, so if you decide to have any more, it should be a walk in the park!

You are doing an absolutely amazing job. You are biologically tuned it to wanting to fix the situation immediately for your baby, and you can’t, and yet you are still trying, and trying darned hard!

Dd ended up on neocate formula as we couldn’t work out what she was reacting to in my milk, so she would take a dummy as she was bottle fed eventually and it still didn’t help-she used to clamp it between her little gums and scream like billeo regardless, so don’t panic about him not taking one-they aren’t always the magic bullet.

We used to go out for walks on the moors-her screaming, me stamping-because then I got a change of scene and it kept me ever so slightly saner-she would howl whether we were home or not so I just wanted to be somewhere other than surrounded by undone housework and I remember vividly stamping along really hard and singing “I hate this, I hate being a mum, this is too hard for me, I wish you would stop crying, please just be quiet” and it actually helped to get the words out. I remember the absolute guilt at hating the crying, and the frustration at not being able to fix it, and all these really hard, visceral emotions that you don’t tie up with the warm fuzzy image of new babies and motherhood.

I still have a very sensitive child now, but she is an absolute joy and I love spending time with her. She makes me laugh and smile every single day, and I honestly think our bond is stronger because of the absolute mercilessness of her infancy.

It does improve, I can’t say when but it definitely does, and you are doing an absolutely stellar job.

Handhold for you these times can be very hard.

My daughter was like that but just improved over time. She grew in to the happiest child you can imagine. Hang in there!

My first was the same, so unhappy with the world, reflux, cmpa, really not a happy person until about a year really. I think a lot of it was frustration, seeing her personality now you can see how as a baby she was so frustrated that she couldn't move and do what she wanted to be doing, once she was walking and able to move about she got so much happier. I won't say it made parenting easier overalls as I just swapped the crying to constantly stopping her scaling the book shelf or throwing herself off the sofa, but it wasn't as soul destroying as the constant crying and she's now nearly 5, about to start school and a very happy little bean (who still never stops moving!)

Hang in there, it's a tough phase but it will pass I promise!

This sounds exactly like my oldest who was extremely hard work. I found those first months so difficult. It was around 7/8 months he finally became a little happier and nailed sleep around 18 months. I can totally relate to how you feel at baby groups etc though, I used to wonder why I always had the crying baby. He is the loveliest, sweetest 6 year old now. I promise it gets much better and much easier quickly. Just do what you need to get through each day at the moment and you will see light at the end of the tunnel very soon.

Honestly thank you so much for all of your lovely messages. All I really needed this morning was to hear that other people understood, had been in the same boat, and knew that feeling of just being overwhelmed with a crying unhappy baby. So thanks so much!

I promise it gets better!
Babies are all so different so please try not to compare (but I know this is easier said than done).
My Son would only ever nap on me, I used to wonder why he would never let me put him down, when other babies would sleep in cots/moses baskets. The thing about babies is, it's all a phase, sometimes phases last longer than others, but it does pass. That became my mantra.
Its all a phase, this will pass.
I tried a sling, it worked wonders! Have you tried one? Baby gets the closeness from you but you get hands free, you can even breast feed in a sling hands free! Anything to help make it just a little bit easier, being a mum is such a hard job anyway. Go easy on yourself! Your doing a fab job mama!
My Son is now 3, and though it's tough In different ways, it is much, much easier now! You will get through it!
Sending love x

God I feel your pain! Mine was dairy intolerant and had silent reflux and it wasn’t until 12/13 months he slept through the night, prior to that no nights and just a handful of minute naps…. I know it was this time as I went into hospital for pneumonia, sepsis and pleurisy and they said it was clearly down to how run down I was and the flu virus that happened to take hold not being one I’d had the vaccine from. My advice is to absolutely make sure you take care of you and he/she will follow. After 1 yr my son was a different person and by age 6 had grown out of all the intolerances. My thoughts are with you! It’s soo hard… but you’ll do this, and come out ok! I promise! Xx

It does get better - and try ear plugs during the day. Not to block him out entirely, just to muffle and take the edge off, those times when you're fed up. You'll still hear him cry, but it takes away the nails down a blackboard feeling.

Honestly I think 3 years ago this could have been me writing this about my DS. He hated sleep, night or day! He had such terrible colic (would scream solid for 5hrs from 4-9pm everyday!) he also had horrible reflux so had to keep him up after a feed for like 15mins or it would all come back up like a river!
I remember crying to much as I was just exhausted - I am also a Highly sensitive person (HSP) so get super triggered by loud noise and bright lights, throw in lack of sleep and I felt like I just could snap most days.
please keep going out each day even if it is hard - every day I got out and just had sun/ air on my face helped - just a smile from another adult person made all the difference!
I found one of those fabric slings was AMAZING - total game changer for naps day or night and it helped with the colic as kept him upright so helped with the trapped wind for him ! So many YouTube videos on how to tie these also as it’s complicated to start with.
also an upright bouncy fabric chair like baby bjorn was magic (known as the magic chair in our house) as I think helped keep him upright and the bouncing with my foot and shushing was soothing for him!
as for the sleeping - sadly we can’t afford the mega expensive coaching fees- i followed and got a cheap e course from careitoutsleepconsultant - Kelly - she has so much free help and really helped with the bedtime getting him to sleep and even nap better in the day!
for the night feeding - I had a 30min consultation with Milk making mama ( it was £30) and best money ever as she helped me gently and safely wean him down off the boob, so he didn’t fight and wasn’t unhappy!
I promise it gets better - he is now 3 and loves the car, the pram, his bike, getting out and about. Eats like a horse and sleeps 7-6.30!

So tough. Some children are just objectively much easier than others, and some are much harder! I think looking back (my eldest is now 9) the worst thing I did was compare myself with other people or somehow think it was my fault.

My second child was an ‘easy baby’ and is still a much easier child. It made me realise how hard I’d been on myself.

It usually gets much better.

My son had silent reflux and was a really stressy unhappy baby . He was under the care of Royal Brompton Hospital and on meds that were not even licensed for babies . You have my full sympathy 💐On a practical level have you tried elevating his cot or used car seat so he is more upright for sleeping/ naps . We persevered with the dummy and that did help …I think .It did become easier once he was weaned but that was also really difficult because I think the pain made him reluctant to eat . Good luck OP .

Oh god I HATED having a baby first time round. He cried constantly, didn’t eat or sleep and I was borderline PND from loneliness and sleep deprivation.

For me going back to work at 6 maths helped with the loneliness and controlled crying helped with the sleep.

Now? He’s an absolutely delightful teen. Genuinely wonderful.

Sorry - should have said, he was also an incredibly easy toddler. Once he bloody slept!