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Original poster

Aaaallll the birthday presents 😵‍💫

141 replies

SparklesTheSoupDragon · 17/07/2023 08:30

DD turned 3 last week and had a party on Sunday. Having done my MN research, 20 kids were invited based on an expected 40-50% decline rate, particularly after a thread I read about people having only one weekend free between now and September, but also it’s a Sunday so religious reasons, activities/clubs for siblings, other parties, holidays, general ‘being busy’ that summer brings, family time, not to mention some parents just don’t like kids parties.

Obviously I ended up with 19 kids attending so I now have a box of 19 gifts very kindly given to DD 🙈 She’s 3, she doesn’t need another 9 presents, let alone 19. Is it morally acceptable to open them myself, give her a small selection of stuff she’ll like and keep the rest for future uses/charity shop? Or are they her birthday gifts and therefore she gets to open them all, maybe over a staggered period of time, and have a chance to play with them because someone has gone to the effort of selecting something for her (albeit from their generic present cupboard 😁)?

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Fluffe · 20/07/2023 19:11

If you don’t want gifts just tell people there is no need for gifts when you invite them! No need for moaning or ‘birthday boxes’, it’s ungrateful.

Espanaes81 · 20/07/2023 19:13

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PurpleButterflyWings · 20/07/2023 19:14

Karrpt · 17/07/2023 08:58

I don't know anyone who doesn't let their kid open their birthday presents. How miserable. Yes it's a lot but most of it will be craft based so you can use it up.

This. ^ Give the child her presents FGS. They are her BIRTHDAY presents that she had for her BIRTHDAY. Why the F does she want them 'staggered' over the coming months? What a silly idea. Confused

@SparklesTheSoupDragon If you didn't want so many children coming to this party, resulting in sooooooooo many presents for your child, then you shouldn't have invited so many! 🙄

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GrinAndVomit · 20/07/2023 19:24

My daughter had a birthday party right after Christmas. We let her open all the presents, she picked a few out to play with immediately and the rest were put away and given to her, one at a time, every three weeks or so.
It was the only way to make sure they’d all get played with properly and be appreciated.

orangeleavesinautumn · 20/07/2023 19:28

LillyLeaf · 17/07/2023 08:43

It's DS's 3rd birthday party in a few weeks, 18 kids confirmed coming. I'm not sure what to do with all the gifts, I was thinking staggering them too. I'm trying to limit gifts from grandparents and we're only getting him 1 or 2 things. He really doesn't need so much.

why dont you ask them not to bring gifts?

pitterypattery00 · 20/07/2023 19:32

We've been to a few 3 year old birthday parties recently that have explicitly said no gifts. Was a bit unsure whether that really meant no gifts or if it would be seen as rude to turn up with nothing, but it seems the vast majority of guests did not bring a present. I'm definitely going to take same approach for my child's birthday. They will get a few gifts from us and family, no need for any more. I hate waste, especially plastic and all the packaging etc.

LalaShel · 20/07/2023 19:35

For my son we just put on the invitation that he is only little and with multiple grandparents gets too much. We asked people to instead of presents kindly raid their cupboard or local supermarket and bring something we could donate to the local food bank. We ended up with a big stash to take which was perfect. Some people still bought presents but it meant he wasn’t swamped. X

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 19:39

SparklesTheSoupDragon · 17/07/2023 08:30

DD turned 3 last week and had a party on Sunday. Having done my MN research, 20 kids were invited based on an expected 40-50% decline rate, particularly after a thread I read about people having only one weekend free between now and September, but also it’s a Sunday so religious reasons, activities/clubs for siblings, other parties, holidays, general ‘being busy’ that summer brings, family time, not to mention some parents just don’t like kids parties.

Obviously I ended up with 19 kids attending so I now have a box of 19 gifts very kindly given to DD 🙈 She’s 3, she doesn’t need another 9 presents, let alone 19. Is it morally acceptable to open them myself, give her a small selection of stuff she’ll like and keep the rest for future uses/charity shop? Or are they her birthday gifts and therefore she gets to open them all, maybe over a staggered period of time, and have a chance to play with them because someone has gone to the effort of selecting something for her (albeit from their generic present cupboard 😁)?

They were given to your DD and she needs to open them. They are hers, not yours.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 19:40

Regifting is just foul

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 19:43

user1477391263 · 18/07/2023 06:29

Some of us don't have large amounts of space. Some of us work from home and need our homes to be reasonably uncluttered. Some of us find we are better and happier parents when our housework burdens are less and that not having huge amounts of clutter helps with this. Some of us find our kids play better when they are not overwhelmed with too much stuff.

You keep all your child's gifts if you want to, but please don't judge others who choose differently.

Some of you like to control your child..Some of you don't give a shit about your kid as long as things are convenient for you. It's abusive not to let a child have their presents.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 20/07/2023 19:47

I tend to limit birthdays to 5-6 kids partly for this reason. Yes they are the child's gifts and it feels wrong to put away/regift etc but it is just.so.much.stuff. And very little of it is thought about / personally chosen with the child in mind ime - most people have a present stash or raid The Works or whatever, especially if you're in the Reception "party every weekend for a random kid" stage. And then up to 30 party bags, usually of absolute tat, get generated in return.

I think it's mature and sensible to consider alternatives.

TinyTeacher · 20/07/2023 19:53

It gets worse... had a whole class party for ADs 6th + a few local extras. Oh God the number of presents!!!!! I had never thought how much of a problem that would be. Honestly it's been 10 months and lots have not yet been used. Next birthday we are going to have to come up with a better plan I think.....

Longwhiskers · 20/07/2023 19:54

Oooh I had this last year. I randomly took half and donated them to one of those Christmas collections for children who don’t get many presents. I believe they opened them and checked to make sure appropriate for the child in question. I felt really bad but there is only so much stuff a child can have!

MidsummerDream · 20/07/2023 19:56

LeviJeanQueen · 17/07/2023 08:53

I’d give your child the gifts. This weird competitive parenting for who can give more of their child’s gifts to the charity shop is weird af.

Yes. I would also give them the gifts. My sister takes the gifts from the children and it always annoys me. I really go to effort to find something they like.

Thebirdhouse · 20/07/2023 19:57

Take a note of who gave what and then put them away to re-gift throughout the year. This will save you having to rush out and buy something at the last minute for the next birthday party. I've always done this and presume many others have too. In fact DC2 received the same present back - DC2 had given it to a classmate, the classmate had regifted it to another child and that child regifted it back to DC2! (who fortunately had been the one to choose the gift in the first place and was delighted to receive it!). Its the fate of birthday box presents!

Bigbus · 20/07/2023 20:03

Just let her open them after the party. One day of present mayhem - keep the ones she doesn’t want and regift them. I honestly think that spreading them out makes the child think they should have presents every week which is clearly not the case. One day - loads of mess and presents. Next day - back to normal.

smilesup · 20/07/2023 20:04

OP I am the evil parent that used to re-gift half of toys my kids had. By child 2 we had created a system with as many of the parents that we could so that he got one present from 10 of his friends of about £25 (which I usually) chose. Then I bought one of one of his friends and the others all did the same. Was fucking brilliant. He still always got a couple more, the 10 friends shifted but we organised it in pairs to swap with (though from the whole group). Did it with the next kid too. Over about 8 years each (so 16 in total) I had to buy only 16 presents rather than a potential 144. It saves the environment, money, time, stress and the kids and my house don't drown in a load of shite. Massive wins all round.

Winter2020 · 20/07/2023 20:05

One birthday party my son had I felt bad because it was joint disco party and I didn't want people to think "cheaper for them - 2 gifts to buy for us"
We put a little note in with the invitations:

"There's no need to bring a present,
We just want you to come along,
but if at all, please keep it small,
'cause our party is all about fun."

Some people still bought the traditional present for both, some didn't bring anything or only a card, and some bought something little like a packet of sweets or put just a couple of pounds in the card. I thought it was perfect saying to people it's OK to bring nothing or something small. My son still got some stuff but not crazy so but more importantly took the pressure off families buying two gifts. Same thing now with cost of living- why let people who might be under financial pressure buy gifts you don't want?

kiwivick87 · 20/07/2023 20:07

CurlewKate · 17/07/2023 08:53

Surely one of the joys of a birthday party is diving into the black plastic sack of presents when you get home? Sometimes a bit of excess is fun. It only happens a few times!

This !

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:09

Thursday5pmisginoclock · 17/07/2023 22:47

And this is why I buy kids either a book or a new t shirt from M&S or similar…it might not be very exciting to the kids but the mums appreciate it as it’s one less thing to buy as they are growing so fast :)

Whose birthday is it?

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:13

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 18/07/2023 06:22

I don’t get this weird Mumsnet thing of insisting children don’t ‘need’ all their gifts. Nobody needs gifts. They’re gifts! They’re supposed to be lovely treats. I’d never even consider giving away any of my child’s gifts!

It's a mumnsnet specific view, probably bot produced, and doesn't happen in real life with the exception of one or two parents that have form for nasty behaviour to their child and it's probably not the biggest issue they have.

birdglasspen · 20/07/2023 20:19

It’s a crazy number of presents on top of what would have been gifted by yourselves and family. I prefer asking for no presents however I know some children really want to give their friend a present (my son loves to) however he makes something not chooses some sweets and balloons from shop nothing big! However most gifts are gifted by parents with no input from child and aren’t necessary! I hold kids parties so all the kids can have a fun time doing something different I try to make sure it’s for all of them without any special attention to the birthday child…they know it’s their party and are happy to spend time with friends. So cake time is always cupcakes with individual candles so everyone can blow a candle out!

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:26

SparklesTheSoupDragon · 18/07/2023 09:16

So we’ve gone for (hopefully) an approach to appease all concerned. DD gets to choose 2 presents a day out of the box and open them while Mummy furiously scribbles down the name of the giver & the gift for thank you cards. Anything not immediately loved or taken to is going in a box and will be stored in the loft in a week or so for a rainy day, which gives her a bit of time to sort through her stash before it goes upstairs but also gives me some hope to cling to that there will be a bit less clutter soon.

To add, what has gone down the best so far is a packet of cake mix, a box of cookie mixture and some icing pens. So if you ever need a gift for a small child that can also be rolled out last minute if needed and at a reasonable cost, the baking aisle is most definitely your friend.

And a pot of Farrow and Ball paint to touch up their room.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:29

BowiesJumper · 18/07/2023 06:54

I did a whole class party for my son’s 6th birthday and 32 kids came. As you can imagine, a mountain of presents! He got a selection of the presents and we gave a lot to a Christmas present drive for kids in low incomes (with his knowledge!) at a local community centre.

That's nice for people who spent money on your child's birthday present, like normal people do

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:32

LalaShel · 20/07/2023 19:35

For my son we just put on the invitation that he is only little and with multiple grandparents gets too much. We asked people to instead of presents kindly raid their cupboard or local supermarket and bring something we could donate to the local food bank. We ended up with a big stash to take which was perfect. Some people still bought presents but it meant he wasn’t swamped. X

Ask for laminated multiplication tables or spelling sheets next. And donate them to a local sink school. That'll get you one or two extra brownie points. For virtue signalling.