Aaaallll the birthday presents 😵‍💫

[SparklesTheSoupDragon]

DD turned 3 last week and had a party on Sunday. Having done my MN research, 20 kids were invited based on an expected 40-50% decline rate, particularly after a thread I read about people having only one weekend free between now and September, but also it’s a Sunday so religious reasons, activities/clubs for siblings, other parties, holidays, general ‘being busy’ that summer brings, family time, not to mention some parents just don’t like kids parties.

Obviously I ended up with 19 kids attending so I now have a box of 19 gifts very kindly given to DD 🙈 She’s 3, she doesn’t need another 9 presents, let alone 19. Is it morally acceptable to open them myself, give her a small selection of stuff she’ll like and keep the rest for future uses/charity shop? Or are they her birthday gifts and therefore she gets to open them all, maybe over a staggered period of time, and have a chance to play with them because someone has gone to the effort of selecting something for her (albeit from their generic present cupboard 😁)?

I'd definitely be doing this.

Let her have them! I think it's mean to take away her birthday presents sorry ☹️

Try doing it with 2 children with Birthdays 1 week and 3 days before Christmas- then you will know what present overload is.
To make it worse you could have a joint party for around 30 children and despite saying not to buy anything for the other child everyone does!!
There were 4 big bags of presents in my lounge the week before Christmas and there hadn’t been any family Birthday presents yet, let alone Christmas ones!!

Ds had a party at the weekend and it looks like we’ve got to the age where it’s £10 in a card. I’m so happy, no more stuff to find a home for in DS bedroom and no more rushing to b&m for me on the day of a party to buy a gift for the birthday child.

Thanks everyone, a good range of views. I think I’ll let her open all of them across a number of days, then swipe anything crafty or that she isn’t immediately taken by and pop it away for a literal rainy day.

I have thank you cards all ready to go, and one way or the other, all presents will be opened and referenced in the card accordingly.

@BunnyBettChetwynd I do know a lot of the nursery mums so ‘joked’ just to pop a £2 lottery scratch card and a Freddo in a card and she & I would be thrilled. That strategy clearly failed.

@LeviJeanQueen To be fair, she’s an only child/grandchild/niece, we live in a very small 2 bed terrace, and all of our toy storage spots are already pretty full. With the wave of family presents she got this weekend, because she’s the only kid they have to focus their present buying skills on, plus another 19 gifts, there’s stuff everywhere 🤷🏻‍♀️ Windowsills, the kitchen worktop, spare chairs… It’s less competitive charity shop giving, more competitive “smaller space living”

@Needmorelego Absolutely noted. I was aiming for 8-12 kids (hired a venue that takes up to 25 so didn’t want them rattling round) and MN had put the fear in me. I read of people inviting 15 kids with 5 acceptances and 3 showing up. I didn’t expect 19 out of 20 to RSVP yes AND all of them attend, even the lady who had her second baby on Friday 🤷🏻‍♀️ DD will be going to school with most of these kids so I’ll learn & adjust my invitations accordingly next time

@empatheticpretzel Appreciate this will most definitely be the majority but there’s one loosely covered in a gift bag which I peered in at - the tag references that it’s doll clothes to match the specific brand of doll which the parent has seen her carrying at nursery. These guys are totally making my future cut-down invitation list.

I'd give them all. My kids got 1 big party for 5th birthday with classmates and in the run up they had been talking with friends about presents so parents had specifically bought presents that would be liked and the same when friends had parties. Yes there were some doublers that went in the regift pile or my craft cupboard for when there are play dates. Yeah it's a crazy amount of presents but it's one time on a birthday, not like it's every day.

Don’t they all need to be opened now so that you can and appropriate prompt thank you messages/cards? Parents in my area usually send a video of their child opening the present you have bought with them saying thank you within a day or so, which I think is really nice after the effort you’ve gone to buy their child a present

Not even a chance to see if he would like them? My daughter got given a slime making kit. I grimaced but let her play with it. I actually think just giving it away is a bit rude to be honest.

@Parkandpicnic I'm not convinced DD has the focus yet to open gifts on camera in one take and be trusted not to get distracted/ask “what this?/discard on the floor immediately/state “I not like this”. Certainly not 19 times without me losing the will to live. However as I mentioned in my previous post, there will be personalised thank you cards for all, referencing the gift they brought, regardless of whether she or I physically open them.

Let her open her birthday gifts!!! Then put them away and get them out gradually.
I have never heard of people not letting their 3 year old open birthday presents from their friends. Yes it’s lots of presents but it’s only their birthday once a year!

Yes whichever would be fine, we tend to do them in bouts and when the appreciation looks like it’s getting a bit less enthusiastic then would be time to maybe leave some more presents until later to open. I have friends that even go the extra mile sending a video showing the present being actually used. A thank you card referencing the present fine too, perhaps save the videos for people who may have obviously gone to a lot of effort like best friends etc. Think it’s rude not to give them to your child to open and send the appropriate thanks but then by all means stash/regift the duplicates away.
One thing I wish people wouldn’t do is buy flimsy trash that just clutters up the house. I’m actually slightly dreading what will turn up this year. Not meaning to sound ungrateful but if only £5 to spend would rather you buy a nice book then something that will have to be disposed of asap and nothing any more messy than playdough please!! Nothing more passive aggressive than buying a friends child fingerpaints or a recorder as a present 🤷🏻‍♀️
Yes totally to be honest the whole present thing is a major hassle from parent perspective on both sides and a key reason why super happy when my DC agree to just a day out instead 😅 but at same time is majority exciting aspect of a party from the child’s perspective so would be very mean to curtail the tradition

I would stagger it throughout the year. No 3 year old needs that much presents at once.

I always kept a few for in the car, very usefull for long drives 😊

Im with you. People have bought the child a gift with presumably some thought, and some cost. It seems churlish to not let the birthday child ever see or have a chance to play with these.
Let them open them all when you get home, send thank yous.. next week you can charity shop if its not going to be played with

Unwrap them all but don’t open the packaging on any duplicates / unsuitable / unwanted items. Swipe these off to the birthday cupboard for regifting in future. Stick a post-it note on each so you don’t give it back to the original sender.

I'm totally with you.

But in a recent thread, where the OP had a 3 year old and wanted to hold a party but specify "no presents", many parents were outraged. It is apparently "cruel" to the birthday child to do this. And if you really don't want the clutter, you could let the child open the presents then give them straight to charity.

We did do a "no presents" party once, some years ago - didn't catch on...

No wonder the planet is drowning in crap.

I always let my kid unwrap them as its half the fun. But yes he lost interest almost immediately and I would keep a small selection of presents out, put a few away to get put again another day, put several in the raffle or regift pile, etc. kids just don't need so much.

Surely at 3 she knows that it was her birthday and that she has presents to open? She'll be wondering what has happened to them! Let her open them but then intercept anything that you don't want to keep for regifting and then let her play with the rest. My DD loves her birthday present toys coz they're different to what I would buy her so it's given her a nice variety of toys

And this is why I buy kids either a book or a new t shirt from M&S or similar…it might not be very exciting to the kids but the mums appreciate it as it’s one less thing to buy as they are growing so fast :)

As long as the presents are binned, I don’t see the waste.

I do regular clear outs and everything (I have always encouraged my children to look after toys, so books are in great conditions, puzzles complete, no pulling off Barbie limbs or scribbling over dolls!) so after they lose interest… I give to charity.

For my son's 6th birthday (10 days before Christmas), we asked parents to give a small amount of money instead and my son saved it and bought himself a little tv for his bedroom. He was made up and loved counting out then pennies. He was especially excited when people had cello-taped the coins to the card. Was better for us to buy something he really wanted and saved families the money as well x

I would do a mix. Put a few to re gift, and stagger the remainder over the year. Maybe keep a couple for Christmas.

My take is that parents have a right to feel comfortable in their homes and not spend their lives endlessly dealing with the additional workload caused by excess toys and tat. We live in a flat and do no-gift parties (and we message really clearly about this, to make sure people don't turn up with gifts anyway). Our parties are still really fun and we've had no complaints; people turn up year after year which suggests they are fine with this too.

I wish everyone would do this.

I don’t get this weird Mumsnet thing of insisting children don’t ‘need’ all their gifts. Nobody needs gifts. They’re gifts! They’re supposed to be lovely treats. I’d never even consider giving away any of my child’s gifts!