What is something you've taken from your parents and used in your own parenting

[lilacsky89]

Obviously there are usually some things we would change (and for some everything you would change ☹️) but what is something you think your parents did really well at and you want to or have used in your own parenting? Maybe something your parents did that has had a really positive impact on your adult life?

Just one parent to another looking for some parenting tips that are actually from the childhood point of view/experience

One to one time with each parent regularly. I loved spending time with both my parents doing completely different things. We do the same with our girls now.

Not intentional - I'm sure we often replicate things we experienced almost by default- but I am aware of doing a lot for my children that they could do for themselves eg getting my child dressed when they could be doing this independently. My mother was like this.

Cooking with my child and involving them in kitchen stuff generally. I’ve always been a very confident cook and it’s the one thing I really got out of my relationship with my mum

My mum used to discuss things with me. She would make the decisions but she would talk to me. A lot of parents don't tell their kids anything, treat them like their stupid.

Take what they did, and do the opposite

My mum is the baby and toddler whisperer, she's absolutely amazing with those ages. I learned from her to avoid saying no most of the time and to distract instead: to be outside as much as possible: that it was never to early to read books together.

Reading to my children every night until they were about 8 or 9.

Unfortunately a lot of my own parenting is this.

My parents were pretty lax about a lot of things. Not always in a good way. But it has made me see that a lot of things that parents on here get their knickers in a twist about aren't worth the battle.

Clothes allowance. Sounds stupid, but my siblings particularly used to bicker and argue that 'his trainers are better than mine' or 'she got three t-shirts I only got two' etc etc. It was decided we all had a set amount of money each month towards clothes - it was great for teaching me budgeting and the value of money, plus the added bonus that none of us could argue it was unfair. If I wanted Nike trainers I had to save a couple of months or more, and if you were out of money you had to wait til the next month if it was something you wanted (obviously there were times we could go overdrawn if it was essential, like if our school shoes fell apart). I even still do this with me and my husband!

My mother would never have called herself a feminist but she was far ahead of her time in many ways. Very clear ideas about how men needed to do an equal amount of housework etc. I certainly inherited that.

Loads really ... my parents were/are (still got my mum aged 90) amazing and, being brutally honest, probably better parents than I am.
Some things I hated at the time ... insisting on knowing where I was going, curfew, tutors when I was struggling academically ... but as an adult I fully understand their reasons and have done exactly the same with my DC.
Agree with a PP .. my siblings and I had lots of separate time one-to-one with our DPs which was hugely beneficial... encouraged to get part time/holiday jobs and to save ... that has all paid off long term and again, I do the same now.
My DPs were great role models and from what I read on Mumsnet I know I was fortunate.

Instilling a love of reading. It’s one of the best things my mum ever did for me and I am trying to do the same for my DD.

I'm pregnant with my first so have been thinking about this a bit lately. For me I think it's probably that kids know that sometimes parents say no. I see so many parents having arguments with children that have never been told no, it seems like with 'modern' parenting everything needs to be a negotiation.

My df was not the best however he always used to say that I should always tell him the truth whatever the situation and he would help me in that moment and we would discuss it afterwards. I have followed this with own dc which had meant there had been no fear of being honest and also gave me time to not over react and then have calm consequences.

For big things, they’ve always told me it’s my choice. They’ll support and advise, but I’ve never had any pressure to do this or that.

Also, awesome coffee making skills and the culture of stopping for a cup of coffee at break time every morning.

Good manners.

Lots of travel.

Me too.

Money management, importance of saving, dangers of credit/loans, self-sufficiency, importance of a skilled trade/profession. My mother was a "career" woman in the days when women gave up their careers to have children - she didn't, she was back working within months of me being born (early 1960s).

Family and doing things together, daily family meals sat at the dinner table, regular days out and activities as a family.

Major downside was that they "assumed" education was a good standard (as their's had been, they'd both gone to grammar schools), so they didn't heed the warnings that both my brother and I were getting a crap education at different crap comprehensives, both made worse by bullying. We tried to tell them about the bullying, chaotic classrooms, incompetent teachers, etc., but they just batted it off because they thought they "suffered" the same at their respective schools 3 decades earlier and basically told us to "toughen up", I started secondary as a straight A* pupil, and left without a single GCE/CSE pass - I literally dropped a grade every year, but they wouldn't "cause a fuss" to support us with the schools - they definitely thought we were just lazy/disinterested with education - they'd swallowed the lie of "a grammar education for all" in the new comps! They'd got decent enough jobs from a grammar education without really being interested in school, so just assumed everyone could do it - completely oblivious to behaviour problems, etc in comps!

My dad was always calm and chilled , and approachable, he always put us first, I have followed in my dad's food steps. Complete opposite to my mother.

Oh yes, more.

That every woman should aim for financial and personal independence and should take responsibility for caring for the children she has. And therefore must engage with contraception and abortion for those children's sake.

She was endlessly kind to any woman who was struggling or had barriers in their way - she gave a friend of mine driving lessons because her father refused to do it - but to me and my sister she made it very clear that she expected a responsible life from us. Tbh it was great.

Hell yes, I agree. My parents treated us as adults, probably from too young an age really. There'd be no secrets and they'd discuss everything in front of us, about finances, work problems, changing jobs, holiday plans, etc. One of the benefits of us all sitting down for an evening meal at the dinner table every day without fail (it was non negotiable), and over dinner, it was the time to talk. When we were young, we basically just listened to the "grown up" talk, but as we got older, we'd participate.

Luckily, OH and I have always done the same, right from when we started dating, always discussed everything, agreed everything, not once did we have any nasty surprises or disagreements, as we'd discussed/planned all important things in advance. OK, you lose the spark and spontaneous, but I'd rather that and have a calm life, than lots of arguments/bickering etc when one of us does something the other disagrees with or doesn't know about. Life's too short for that kind of drama.

We've done the same with our son. We soon stopped the infantile "baby talk" of silly names/words, etc before he even started walking, and called things by their proper names, and generally spoke "grown up" from the age of around 1, I suppose. Likewise, we adopted the "family meal" approach and would openly/happily talk "adult" between us, whilst he was sat at his high chair at the same table, joining in the conversation as he grew older.

It meant no surprises, misunderstandings, etc. He was part of the "decision making" process, even if he wasn't young enough to make a valid contribution, he heard our decision making processes and knew what was going to happen in given situations, as we'd pre-planned. As he got older, his participation increased, and by the time he started secondary school, he was just "another adult" around the table really, starting discussions, etc.

Lots I would change but one is that my mum
so good at letting us adventure and explore, to take risks. I see so many risk averse parents who marvel at how well my kids can climb etc and I know it’s because I let them practice to develop those skills.

The main positive things I’ve taken are : reading, reading, reading from a young age…I was always surrounded by books and my mum and dad read with me every night, not to be a martyr and ensure household jobs are distributed equally between the sexes…I remember my dad always doing a lot of cooking and things and my mum described as a ‘rebel’ as a family gathering once when she preferred to sit outside with a glass of wine and a ciggie when’s the other women were in the kitchen baking and competing over which desert was best. Being my girls best cheerleader and showering them with love. My parents weren’t perfect by ANY means but I always felt loved, she would tell me this every day, and felt as if she was really fighting my corner. I attribute a lot of the confidence I have today to this style of parenting and try to replicate that.

I didn't come from a "reading" family and have no real childhood memory of reading books. It was definitely something I came to later in life as I became an avid reader in my 20s and still am. OH was from a reading family and read all kinds of books himself, and still does.

We introduced books to our son from a very early age, picture books at first, but we'd talk to him about every picture, even if he couldn't understand what we were saying, we'd describe things, say the colours, say the words, etc. That progressed through the months/years to having "reading time" during the day and at bedtime. He was well into books and could read age appropriate books by the time he started school. As years passed, he'd happily take himself to bed and read books by himself in bed at night.

It all came to an end when he started secondary school as he started to get bored and frustrated at the way the teachers would analyse and evaluate it all - he just wanted to read a book for fun, not get bogged down in what the writer was trying to convey or hidden meanings, etc. Sadly, it turned him right off and he's not read a book "for fun" since he was around 12 years old!

Still, I'm glad we did what we did as it really gave him valuable literacy skills for other subjects and his "comprehension" skills are off the charts, not just with his education, but with current affairs, reading news articles, etc - he's very articulate, and has excellent verbal and written communication skills, even when he's doing "online chat" on his phone or xbox, he constructs sentences properly and uses correct grammar etc - it's actually quite funny to see when people reply in text-speak and he replies back in perfect English! So, it's worked out well, but we do find it such a shame he has no love for books anymore - maybe it's something that will come back in later life, we hope so.

@user1497207191 this is really interesting, mine are only 1 and 5 and it has served them well so far, my DD is doing really well at school with reading. However, a large part of my childhood was sat reading books, and I loved it…I kind of pictured similar for my kids in a hopefully, idyllic way. I grew up in the 80’s/90’s though so there wasn’t a lot else to do really! Even now my 5 year old prefers the iPad to a story so I’m realising they will probably favour screens when older…just the way we live now 🤷‍♀️.

Sadly I think it is the way of the World now, but they still have life long benefits from reading at a younger age, even if they don't keep it up when they get older, so it's well worth doing. They seem to enjoy it at the time which is the most important thing. I just think it's a massive shame that studying books in school can put them off - it should be the other way really!