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To defer a bright child

464 replies

Clairebear231 · 30/06/2023 08:11

My son has always been bright, potty trained early, good speech from a young age etc I have never had any concerns. He is due to start school this September at 4 years and 2 months. All professionals say he is capable and ready....but I've recently found out I can defer him starting until next year when he will 5 years and 2 months giving him a big advantage throughout his school career.
My DH is very against this and feels he will be fine in school but I don't want him to be just fine I'd like him to excel, I'm also worried he will struggle being one of the youngest both academically and socially.
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone not deferred a bright child and then regretted it or vice versa?

OP posts:
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TellerTuesday · 01/07/2023 08:04

You won't find the people you need to speak to on here OP. Mumsnet on a whole is very against children starting at CSA for some reason. All you will get is people telling you their child was born on X date and they have done amazing.

If you are on Facebook join the group: Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns

strawberry2017 · 01/07/2023 08:21

Hinder because based on what you have said there is no logical reason to defer.

Whinge · 01/07/2023 08:28

TellerTuesday · 01/07/2023 08:04

You won't find the people you need to speak to on here OP. Mumsnet on a whole is very against children starting at CSA for some reason. All you will get is people telling you their child was born on X date and they have done amazing.

If you are on Facebook join the group: Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns

Alternatively, if you join the group all you will get is people telling you their child was deferred and they have done amazing. 🤷🏻‍♂️

There have been quite a few on this thread who have encouraged the OP to defer. Others think that deferring a bright child who has spent the last few months thinking they are going to school in September with his friends, is probably going to be problematic for the child.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

hufflepuffbutrequestinggriffindor · 01/07/2023 08:46

I was one of the youngest when I started primary (4 years 2 months) and it was in the days of part-time for young ones until Easter so I essentially missed half of reception class. I was also slow with my speech so a different kettle of fish to your little one. Primary school was hard to catch up because of this but at secondary school, I did very well, went on to uni and I now work as a secondary teacher. It'll not harm your little one to start now but if he's as gifted as you say, he may be bored with not going and not being challenged early on.

H12345 · 01/07/2023 09:03

I deferred my August born son BUT only because he was not even close to be ready for school. The preschool and school agreed and we were lucky to have an extra year preparing him for the massive change.
This for our family was the right decision and I’ve never regretted it as it’s given my son a chance to shine.
I think your reasons for deferring are very odd your sons ready to start his journey with established friends and you want to take that all away from him so he will be the brightest in the class. This completely abuses the reason to defer and I don’t think you would get permission.

Doctordoomscroller · 01/07/2023 09:04

My DD6 is a mid August baby and is physically small for her age. She is very bright but we were a bit worried about her being the youngest. I’m really glad we didn’t defer, she has done brilliantly, is at the top of her class, has loads of friends etc. My DS9 is a March baby and has struggled much more socially, although not academically. I don’t think calendar age is as much a factor as we think it is, your judgement and the advice of people who know your child and the educational system are more powerful indicators.

Nepmarthiturn · 01/07/2023 09:19

I hate this thing where everyone thinks their kid is the special one who should be kept back. If you have a child who would really struggle you would know, but you don't keep them back just because they are summer born.

The whole point of the deferral rules is that you can defer precisely "just" because they are summerborn. Not because they are "special". 🙄

purplehair1 · 01/07/2023 09:28

If he ‘excels’ he might also get bored and understimulated don’t you think? May backfire.

LulooLemon · 01/07/2023 09:37

I think it might not be great in the sixth form days.

August born children are 17 when they take A levels, whereas a June born deferred child will be 19. They might just feel way too old for school.

Mrsglitterfairy · 01/07/2023 10:12

My son started FT nursery at school aged 3yr 2m and he excelled. He was also very bright and was bored. His childminder managed to get him in the local nursery as she felt that he needed more formal education. And he’s now coming to the end of y7, he’s one of the youngest and he’s still excelling. I’m glad that we started him when we did

Icecreamalaska · 01/07/2023 10:26

You'd be better off looking at the stats rather than reading anecdotes OP. I haven't studied them so could be wrong, but I believe a later school start does benefit the child usually (but you should check out the figures on this). I'm in ROI so starting at 4 seems very young to me, they're typically 5 or nearly 5 starting here.

LimitMyScreenTime · 01/07/2023 10:37

I am deferring my young, bright child. She needs more time emotionally though. She's still very up and down and I don't feel she's ready. If her emotions were more in check, I would have sent her to school.

We are in Scotland though, if we defer, they don't miss a year at school, they still start in primary one.

Also, I'm a primary teacher. Most people do not regret deferring their children. But quite a few regret not doing it!

I'm not concerned about boredom at nursery. It's up to the nursery to keep children challenged and prevent this from happening.

NotMyDayJob · 01/07/2023 11:18

Nepmarthiturn · 01/07/2023 09:19

I hate this thing where everyone thinks their kid is the special one who should be kept back. If you have a child who would really struggle you would know, but you don't keep them back just because they are summer born.

The whole point of the deferral rules is that you can defer precisely "just" because they are summerborn. Not because they are "special". 🙄

No it's really not. And any sensible parent doesn't defer their child solely because they are summer born. You have to assess a range of factors and decide if it is the best and most supportive thing for the child in question. Deferring simply because they are summer born is never the right thing to do.

BelindaBears · 01/07/2023 11:20

Are there any good studies comparing outcomes between Scotland where they start a bit later and more people defer, and England? I don’t just mean results-wise, but things like mental health? Because it does sometimes feel like people big up the Scottish system as an anti-Tory thing rather than because there’s actually evidence it benefits children and their families.

TiaraBoo · 01/07/2023 11:21

He’s a bright child and ready for school, professionals say he’s ready - why do you not want him to take this next step and grow up?

Why don’t you see this as an opportunity for your bright child, back in the day he would’ve had to start later as a ‘rising 5’ so he’s getting an advantage of more school.

Return2thebasic · 01/07/2023 11:30

TellerTuesday · 01/07/2023 08:04

You won't find the people you need to speak to on here OP. Mumsnet on a whole is very against children starting at CSA for some reason. All you will get is people telling you their child was born on X date and they have done amazing.

If you are on Facebook join the group: Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns

Is the right decision making process to seek out for what you want to hear ONLY and the evidence suits the idea in your own mind ONLY, or is to find evidence/arguments on both sides and weigh up the pros and cons based on your specific situation, then make decisions? This really baffles me.

Perfectweatherforducks · 01/07/2023 11:41

OP I deferred my very bright July born and it was the best decision. He's now in year 3 one of the top of his class academically and tallest BUT he does not stick out. He is absolutely in the right year and has lots of great friendships and great self-esteem/confidence which I think would have been a struggle if he was the youngest.

Look, we are one of the only countries that send children into formal education at just turned 4. My view is that if you have a chance to start them later and give them another year of growing then why wouldn't you? They do not miss reception which is a common misconception. I'm sure you've been signposted but 'flexible admissions for summerborns' on Facebook is a great group.

Perfectweatherforducks · 01/07/2023 11:42

Also just to add, my son has 4 other deferred children in his class. It feels like it's becoming more of a known option to parents which is great!

Icecreamalaska · 01/07/2023 11:45

Month of birth strongly affects Oxbridge admissions OP. Autumn borns have a 25% higher rate of sucess in this regard than summer borns (winter and spring figures are intermediate). Presumably all these students are bright, but being that bit older for your class is linked to an educational advantage at a population level. It's not possible to predict how deferring will affect a single child, but given the odds, I think I'd defer.
The advantage isn't just for those aiming for Oxbridge, but is seen consistently in educational research.
As I said upthread look at the stats, the figures, they can be more helpful than individual stories.

Icecreamalaska · 01/07/2023 12:02

*success

MysteryBelle · 01/07/2023 13:28

If he’s very bright as you say then why hold him back? He will excel anyway since he’s very bright. Right? Personally I think a child should be in his or her age/peer group unless there’s a good reason to hold him back. You actually have more reason to start him going when he’s supposed to. As he’s very bright.

Tessabelle74 · 01/07/2023 14:43

Why would you defer him if he's ready? You have to get permission to do so and I see no good reason why you'd get it if all the professionals say he'll be fine. My son was born at 7.30pm on 31st August so 5 hours later he'd have been in the school year below and he was delayed with everything but he started school when he had just turned 4 and he caught up in year 2, he's no different academically to his peers now in year 7. You seem to be wanting to defer him so he's the smartest in his year, that's not a guarantee anyway!

Nepmarthiturn · 01/07/2023 15:18

No it's really not. And any sensible parent doesn't defer their child solely because they are summer born. You have to assess a range of factors and decide if it is the best and most supportive thing for the child in question. Deferring simply because they are summer born is never the right thing to do.

Errr... yes it is. It's clearly set out in the Code that there doesn't need to be a "problem" or specific reason to do it other than the child being summerborn. The entire point is that the data shows that for the majority of children starting school that young is detrimental, and has a measureable impact over their entire life. Hence the changes being introduced to be comparable to Scotland where deferral has been an option in place for decades successfully. And the many Scottish teachers on the thread saying people who defer very rarely regret it but many who don't defer do regret it. Some kids may be fine if not deferred. No way to compare to how they'd have been individually if they were though. The data is very clear that the impacts of early starts are largely negative, so of course it's reasonable for people to decide not to needlessly make their children's lives harder and expose them to additional mental health risks or risks of not achieving their full potential when they don't have to. Why would they do that?

If making a rational choice you've have to have extremely compelling reasons that the data didn't apply to your specific child to decide to send them early before compulsory school age now that you're not forced to do that or make them miss reception, rather than need a compelling reason to wait until they are. And given that it's not possible to predict with any child how they will progress academically, socially or in terms of mental health etc when they are 4, I think it's pretty clear that saying "they seem fine and ready for reception now" doesn't fulfil that. Most kids could cope with reception at 4, the problems proved to be associated with an early start at just turned 4 show up later. And you have no idea if they will for your child or not, no matter how confident or advanced they are at 4. Anybody making that decision is taking a huge unnecessary gamble on their child's wellbeing when they don't have to. Which is their right to do, of course. But far, far more risky given all the evidence we have than giving them more time and letting them start school when it is developmentally appropriate and less likely to cause them issues later on.

That's the whole reason for the policy, to provide a way to mitigate problem - the detrimental impact caused on the youngest children starting school in the UK because it starts school 2 years before most successful education systems - that is undeniably proved by the quantity of data now available from research on the topic. And to do so without the Government having to spend huge amounts of money to change the entire system to a more sensible one with children starting at 6 or 7 where this would be a non-issue, which would be a better solution and make deferral rules unnecessary, but they're not likely to do that so at least parents now have the option to choose. In the face of all the evidence I find it astonishing that anybody is complaining the option is there, telling people that they shouldn't do it based on anecdata from one or two random experiences they know of, or even claiming that it is wrong the option exists.

My mind boggles when people refuse to accept data as a good reason for decision making and seem to genuinely believe that their own limited perceptions and experiences as an individual will be a better guide to decision making, not just for themselves but also for others. Really odd.

Nepmarthiturn · 01/07/2023 15:21

Look, we are one of the only countries that send children into formal education at just turned 4. My view is that if you have a chance to start them later and give them another year of growing then why wouldn't you? They do not miss reception which is a common misconception. I'm sure you've been signposted but 'flexible admissions for summerborns' on Facebook is a great group

Exactly. Let's rush them through childhood, get them out in the world to be economic machines asap! Crush the creativity out of them. So much research on development showing children should learn through play only to 6/7, not be doing YR1 and a load of desk-based learning at just turned 5 and sitting SATs before they are 6!! Utter madness. There's a reason other countries don't do this and have better educational outcomes and better child mental health.

Nepmarthiturn · 01/07/2023 15:24

MysteryBelle · 01/07/2023 13:28

If he’s very bright as you say then why hold him back? He will excel anyway since he’s very bright. Right? Personally I think a child should be in his or her age/peer group unless there’s a good reason to hold him back. You actually have more reason to start him going when he’s supposed to. As he’s very bright.

It's not "holding him back". Compulsory school age in the UK is the term after a child turns 5. He would simply be starting reception when he reaches school age rather than a year early. Even 5 is very young by international standards and - surprise surprise! - those countries that start at 6/7 have better academical and emotional outcomes for kids.