Stopping my child being around his dads partner

[pinkmarshmalloww]

Hi. My child's recently come to me and says he doesn't want to see his dads partner because he thinks she doesn't like him. I've asked him to elaborate and he's said she doesn't speak much, shouts a lot. I've also received a message from a made up social media account telling me what an awful mother I am, and I believe it's her. So I've told my child's dad he isn't allowed to be at home when he has our child if she's there. So he'll have to stay elsewhere with him (family)
They do live together and have been together a few years with their own children.
Where do I stand if he doesn't listen and still takes our child there? Can I call the police? Contact social services? Court?
My child stays there from Thurs-Sunday

OP, think carefully about what you want.
What is in your son's best interest?
Does DS like his SM? Does he enjoy spending time with his half-siblings?
How real is the shouting, how frequent, who is it aimed at, is it yelling with aggression or calling everyone down when its tea-time?
Do you trust your ex?
Would you prefer DS to spend more time with you and less with his DF?
If ex lived elsewhere while he has your DS, would that mean extra cost for him and therefore reduced child support for you?
If a split home for your ex resulted in his new relationship breaking down, how would that impact you and your DS?

Sorry OP but the fact that you think you can dictate who your son sees when he is at his dad doesn’t speak well of you.

He may not like his dad’s partner much but if this was to get to court, they will rip you to shreds unless you find something that is remarkably dangerous (sadly, emotional health is not a concern enough for a court to consider modifying contact).

I suggest you support and even foster the relationship of your son with his dad and partner. Reassure your child, support him in finding ways to fit in there (I know, not fair but… you don’t want to send a child full of fear or bravado to a woman who already resents him).

Be aware as well that if you start complaining about the new partner your ex will side with her, therefore reducing the influence you still have over him.

The best you can do for your child is to keep the communications lines open with his dad so you can co parent effectively together in separate settings. If the communication and good will ends, the person who will suffer the most is the one that gets trapped in the middle of this antagonism: your child.

Having read all your messages you seem so unreasonable and deranged I’m starting wondering if you are for real.

I cannot imagine a mum having a 50/50 contact pattern for such a young child when you were not even with the dad anymore at the time of birth. The fact that he is agreeing to all this contact and sustaining it well for 4 years puts him in a very good light.

The fact you think you should control what he does and are resenting a 3 year long partner makes me think you have some serious control issues.

There is also a lot of caring involved in being a stepmum, or do you really believe that your son is so self sufficient that the only thing she is doing for him is driving him to nursery because at 4 he cannot have a driving license? I bet that woman is cooking his meals, washing his clothes and keeping his environment clean. she must have been doing a lot of mothering if she has had him around since he was a baby.

This thread is from July.

Ahhh we need updates? OP, are you still delusional?

No same as he can't tell you who can be around your child, you must know this

You have no right to stop contact. You cant dictate who he is with during contact or where it takes place. Social services won't be interested n this and neither will the police. It also sounds like a threat that you have no way of carrying through with because of your work commitments. Anyhow, school won't even be able to stop EX picking up his child of he has PR. They can't obstruct him from collecting his child.

Ghost thread