Stopping my child being around his dads partner

[pinkmarshmalloww]

Hi. My child's recently come to me and says he doesn't want to see his dads partner because he thinks she doesn't like him. I've asked him to elaborate and he's said she doesn't speak much, shouts a lot. I've also received a message from a made up social media account telling me what an awful mother I am, and I believe it's her. So I've told my child's dad he isn't allowed to be at home when he has our child if she's there. So he'll have to stay elsewhere with him (family)
They do live together and have been together a few years with their own children.
Where do I stand if he doesn't listen and still takes our child there? Can I call the police? Contact social services? Court?
My child stays there from Thurs-Sunday

So you have no weekends at all with your child? might be ok now as they are 4 but what when they start school?

Does he have parental responsibility ie is he names on the birth certificate? If he is then he has equal rights to you.

What does your ex say about his partners treatment of your son?

You can only prevent ds seeing her for extreme reasons like she's on the sex offenders register or she physically attacks him or something. You have no right to stop contact because he doesn't like her.

You sound painfully bitter. Your ex sounds like the grown up here.

If your child's father has PR he has the same rights as you, and he can choose who he and his child spend time with on his days. You can't change that and have no right to intervene unless you suspect serious abuse.

I suggest you meet with them, and find out why the new woman is shouting. Maybe she doesn't want him there every weekend and you could move to EOW. Or maybe she doesn't want him there at all and you could come up with a different arrangement that your child is happier with. But you won't know if you don't go along.

But surely if social services hear for themselves from my son that he doesn't want to be around her then surely they can contact his dad and say keep him away 🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately he does have PR

No. social services won't intervene unless there is genuine abuse.

You don’t seem to be grasping the information people are replying.

Nope.

So basically all he’s said is she shouts a lot? And you’ve dived off the deep end? Is there a back story as to why he is the resident parent?

His dad tells me she doesn't shout at him directly, but she does shout in general, as a whole. And sticks up for her saying she's going through some really personal health issues at the moment and it withdrawn from everyone. But I don't believe him and I don't care. She shouted be shouting at all

Not on the say-so of a 4 year old. My DS didn't like one of his teachers in Reception for a week because he thought she was a bit angry. I didn't pull him out of school or even complain to the school. 4 year olds are extremely unreliable narrators and her being a bit shouty is nowhere near serious enough for SS investigation.

By the same token do you think if he tells them he doesn’t like his teacher and doesn’t want to go to school do you think they will contact you and tell you to keep him away? Sounds a little ridiculous doesn’t it?

Do you think your DS is unsafe?

Have you spoken with your ex about this?

You are absolutely ridiculous. I think it's quite clear who the main problem is here.

Your son hasn't said that she shouts at him, just that she shouts a lot.

While it's not ideal to be shouting, this is not a safety concern, so no you can't legally stop your son from seeing his dad.

If you did, and it went to court, you'd look pretty silly explaining that you stopped contact because of some shouting.

I speak from experience and say you really don’t want to go down that road of withholding contact for no good reason. It will escalate and the next 10 years + of your life and your sons will not be fun. You do this and then dad will think nothing of withholding next time something happens he doesn’t like.

You can try and get a court order in place but a) there are lengthy delays and b) I can’t see anything that you’ve said would encourage a judge to stop contact in your ex’s house if partner lives there.

What in future if your son says to his dad he doesn’t like your partner? Or doesn’t like something else. Where does It end?

Agree that sitting down and talking is for the best and see if things can be resolved amicably

🤣🤣 you expect your child to stay at a house that this woman also lives in every single weekend and expect her to never shout?

Why are you only seeing your child Monday to Wednesday? That’s unusual for such a young child especially when you split before child was born.

So he had your child 4 days a week and you 3?
You expect him to leave his home and his other children for over half the week?

Unfortunately you can't make these demands and he can take you to court for parental alienation if you continue.
You don't have any more responsibilities than he does.

He has majority care of your shared child. You can't expect him to live somewhere else for 4 days a week, every week that's unreasonable. If you want to reduce contact feel free but don't be surprised if he takes you to court for more access or 100%

Sounds like your nose is out of joint because she spends more time with your kid than you do, and you want play games to assert power, without caring how it affects your child at all.

OP you sound very immature - how old are you??

Nothing you can do. Be an adult about it & support your DS’s relationships with his Dad & partner. She isn’t abusing him, so social care won’t be interested.