Do you plan life around naps? Family making me feel crazy

[Bluecrayon45]

My 1yo has always been a dreadful sleeper so you could say I’m a bit obsessed with his sleep and I’ve worked really hard to improve it in every way that I can so we’re on quite a strict routine, which he thrives on. I tend to plan things around nap times but family make out that I’m a crazy and he should just fit in with whatever I need him to and that “he’ll just drop off if he’s tired”. He’s always been a very alert baby and has struggled to sleep on the go from birth but would often be ok in the baby carrier but now that he’s older, he won’t sleep on the go at all. He’ll just keep going and going until we’re home and then he has an absolute meltdown as he’s overtired.

Did you plan your life around naps or just go with the flow? Am I crazy for prioritising his sleep? I know with a second baby I might not have this luxury but currently I do. What is normal to do?

Yes I have a set routine, my child falls asleep in his cot easily and sleeps so well. Sleeps through the night too.

They only nap for about 2.5 years so it's not forever. Sleep is sacred in my house!

Yes, it kept me sane. Stick with it if it works for you. Your family either don't remember or had a different kind of baby!

I think you should do what you have to do. With my first I used to be out and about so much, he would always sleep on the go, whenever/wherever.

With my second, we are home a lot more so he does have more scaled naps but if we had to go out or do something that wouldn't stop me from from doing it.

Some dc are easy and fall asleep on the go, some turn into mini terrorists if they aren't in their cot by 1pm. Just do what works for you. I had one of each, I adapted my life to match.

Absolutely I plan my life around naps… your family aren’t there to deal with the baby not wanting to sleep at night as they are overtired and overwhelmed so they get no say.

My 11 mth old is a bad day time sleeper but like you I’ve worked so hard to get a routine and I’m so protective of it otherwise my night sleep is up every couple of hours.

my baby won’t just fall asleep anywhere , not yet anyway so I am pedantic about making sure I leave at a certain time to get home for a nap as she sleeps so much longer in her own cot

keep doing what works for you and your baby

I didn’t but my kids all were happy to sleep in the pram on the go/in the car/on MIL couch etc. It’s different if your kids are bad sleepers. You’re doing what works for you.

We did this too! Its not fair that people are making you feel crazy, they aren't the ones dealing with the consequences of missed naps

Yes, it’s a few years ago now, but we absolutely planned life around naps. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for getting through this time.

It passes so quickly in the grand scheme of things - so just do what you need to do.

I think you know him best, and if he doesn’t nap and that causes a harder life for you then that’s what you need to do.

mostly day to day I would prioritise their naps, but for special occasions or meeting other people I’d go more with the flow, but mine were quite happy for that to happen, I did have points if we’d been out of routine for a few days I’d prioritise time at home to ensure we’d get back on track and reset

Nope. I never worried about when and where my child would nap. But that’s largely because he never would nap on a schedule in his cot and was far more likely to fall asleep in the buggy when we took him out somewhere. Avoiding going out and then failing to get him to go down for a nap was soul destroying so I stopped trying.
You know your kid. Do what works for you.

I'll also add that my babies were both good sleeper, second one slightly better I'd say but if they wasn't and I needed to plan my naps then I absolutely would. Sleep has always been the most important thing in our house.

Up til nine months I was loosey goosey. Then she dropped to two naps and sleep improved and kept improving when I behaved like a ruthless military commander. Wake at the same time every day! Meals at the same time! Nap at the same time! Especially when it gets to one nap, and it had to be at home – she’d drop off in the pram but only sleep for 20 minutes, cue horrendous ratbag behaviour and a shitty night. But a proper lunchtime cot nap made her a nicer human in the afternoon, and her sleep at night much better. Routiiiiiiiine!

It’s a mild pain in the bum and limits days out to mornings out and afternoons out but it’s a really short window of life. But feels like a long window if the nighttime sleep gets fucked because the routine gets fucked.

My dad was quite “oh, kids sleep wherever, we used to take you out to dinner – why, I remember [rambling story that involved me sleeping somewhere in a carry cot].” Right, dad, and how old was I in this anecdote? “Oh, three or four weeks?” 🤦🏻‍♀️ I swear people just can’t remember what toddlers are like.

I sort of did the opposite, in that I would never go out at 4pm in the car or pushchair because my children would absolutely fall asleep then and then we would have a mini terrorist at bed time. The "danger nap" we called it 😂

Yes, I have to. If I forced a tired DS into a pushchair my god the whole town would know about it.

Twi 1 yr olds and a 2 and they all happy to sleep wherever they may be. The only thing I do like is to always be home for 6.30pm as they all go to bed about 7 and that's it for the night lol

Strict routine here too for our 2.5yo son and now 6mo dd2. Always have. I guess having the first year during covid lockdowns has influenced this.

He's a really good little sleeper and the nap gives us guaranteed rest time in the day/time to get things done. It is not forever.
Have tried the buggy a few times but after he turned 1 he would only nap for about 30mins so we would pay for it later.

It's all very well family saying we're a slave to the routine, but we do it for our own sanity - to get a break and a better behaved child and allow us to do a proper activity in the afternoon.

We can skip the nap if you like grandma but the Sunday roast around the table you're invisaging will be a grizzly baby and a tantruming toddler so the likelihood of us all sitting round having a conversation is slim 😅

No. But I was lucky that both of mine would sleep on the move during the day. DD was a terrible sleeper and I did sometimes put off going out because she needed to nap before discovering it made zero difference to her night sleep. I just cracked on with having fun after that!

Napped whenever here... My ndn had 2 dc and a baby.. Those dc never went far as she insisted the baby had to nap in his cot every lunchtime...

100% I plan around naps. Daughter is grumpy af if she hasn't slept

It frustrates me so much when adults expect the needs of babies to be put last.

I know the world doesn't revolve around them, but the baby's world does! There's no explaining to a baby that it's just for today, or you can sleep later.

The adults are rational, why can't they adapt?

Yes I did op! It’s not perceived as a “cool mama” thing to do but I basically missed a lot of things in order to stick to the nap/play/feed schedule. Not because I was a mummy martyr but because I found it made everything so much easier for my baby and therefore for me.

Also I read somewhere- and found this very much to be true - that if you fail to catch the “natural” moment when a baby or toddler starts to feels tired, then they start running on adrenaline which kicks in at that point, then it’s much harder to get them to sleep and then they get over-tired and it all becomes a vicious circle.

I have never let mine nap in a cot for this reason. Even if we don’t go anywhere they sleep in the pram in the house and have done since newborn. I was verybstrict with timings though until they were about 2 and then I knew a later or shorter nap wouldn’t be a big deal. But I know that’s not exactly helpful to you now you have a 1YO that loves his cot 😂 If he’s thriving on the strict routine then stick with it. Anything to avoid overtired meltdowns, bedtime dramas and disrupted night sleep!! It’s all well and good for your family to tell you to let up when they’re not the ones that have to deal with the fallout. Maybe pram naps are something to consider if/when you have no.2 though especially it won’t be as easy when managing naps alongside the school/nursery run.

I never did- my children fitted in with my life rather the other way round for as long as possible. But I am aware this doesn't work for everyone. It is a viable option, though. If a strict regime is what you want/need then go for it. But you don't have to.

Haha I’ve had almost this exact scenario with the Sunday roast suggestion. I didn’t go though, hence the comments suggesting I’m crazy 😅

No. I tried desperately to get DC1 into a nap routine (SIL rang the praises of Gina Ford & gave me her book when I was expecting) but baby fought & fought & fought so I gave up in the end after a few months of trying as it just made us both exhausted and miserable DC1 would sleep for 10 minutes maximum having spent 30 minutes trying to get them down (slept fine at night, it was daytime naps that were the problem). DC2 also no but that's because he gets tired at inconvenient times i.e. the school run so I have to take him with me regardless. I wish I did have a nap schedule though I'd get time to do stuff then. If mine had a set nap time I'd stick to it. If they need a nap they need a nap. You know your baby best, and you're the one who has to deal with any fallout - do what's right for you & ignore family you are not crazy!