Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

FTM - Best friends wedding in South Africa - 10 week old - help!

53 replies

Londonrungirl · 01/06/2023 17:20

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some advice and reassurance that I’m not mad. Currently pregnant and my best friend is planning on getting married in South Africa next year. All being well the baby will be 10 weeks old assuming it’s born at 40 weeks.

Am I completely mad for considering going? I wouldn’t for the average friend but it’s a great friend who’s always been there for me. I know every baby is different and there are a load of scenarios that are impossible to predict: c section, reflux, really fussy baby.

I’m currently thinking that I’ll book flexible tickets and say that I will do my absolute best to be there (Husband would be there too so wouldn’t be alone) but as I’m bridesmaid I’m worried I’m going to get intertwined with the plans and it may be hard to back out nearer the time if I say yes initially.

Would just love some input really - we’d probably try and go for 10 days or so so it’s a bit more worth it and give ourselves time to acclimatise.

Really appreciate thoughts

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

5childrenand · 01/06/2023 17:27

Will you be able to get a passport for the baby in time? That would be my only worry. Otherwise, absolutely go for it.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/06/2023 17:28

It might be stressful trying to get passports in that time. You would need to fast track it. Also look into any required vaccines etc. It will be their summer too and air con is not always functional due to electricity cuts. I personally probably wouldn't because at ten weeks (and it could be less than that) you are still recovering.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 01/06/2023 17:32

I wouldn't, personally. I've had a nightmare baby and a dream baby - and even with the dream baby this would have been too much for me. I'd have been a weeping, exhausted hormonal mess before we'd even got out of the airport.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 1st trimester Babies & sleep Families

MissyB1 · 01/06/2023 17:37

just don’t! I took ds at 5 months that was hard enough! And I’ve not long got back from SA and the power cuts drove me mad, they are every day sometimes 3 times a day for a couple of hours at a time. They are predicted to get worse. Even if you stay somewhere with a generator the traffic lights are affected so driving is even more dangerous than normal there. Not to speak of the risk of crime.
Oh and the journey is soooo long. Ten weeks after giving birth you will not want that journey.

simonthedog · 01/06/2023 17:38

The baby won't have had the recommended vaccinations at 10 weeks so I wouldn't go.

RisingSunn · 01/06/2023 17:39

I think you should go as your husband will be with you. But I would suggest attending as a guest and not a bridesmaid. This will relieve you of all the pressure.

Infusionist · 01/06/2023 17:42

I’ll be going to New York when DD is 10 weeks (she’s currently 5 weeks). We should in theory be getting her passport in a few days, and we didn’t book until we got a text saying it was dispatched.

We’ll be taking it slowly and throwing money at hotels, cabs ect to make life easy. But so far I’m not scared of the idea! I have an older DD too so I’m not too blasé about babies.

So I’d deff give it a go for an important event!

Original poster

Londonrungirl · 01/06/2023 17:54

Thank you all this is really useful so far, hadn’t considered the electricity issues which is definitely something to think about.

Will look more into passport.

Does anyone know where to investigate vaccinations? I can see they will have had their 8 week jabs but not sure how you can see what is recommended for a baby in South Africa? On the fit to fly it seems to be for an adult.

Thanks again,

OP posts:

Nancy155 · 01/06/2023 18:01

I’d go, you will have a great time and babies are generally super easy at that age. Easier than chasing around after a toddler!

SErunner · 01/06/2023 19:51

At 10 weeks the last thing I would have wanted to do would have been a long flight and trip abroad, best friend wedding or not. I was up and out day 1 post birth so not slow in getting back into life, but I just can't imagine a trip of that kind being in any way enjoyable at that point. There are so many variables and uncertainties, and so much stress trying to organise/plan for every eventuality. I think you'd end up wasting an awful lot of money. We went to Cornwall for 3 nights when she was 11 weeks and that was more than enough! Just my perspective. If you do book anything I'd purchase cancellation options if you can.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/06/2023 19:53

Sorry, no. Wouldn’t go to SA right now, whatever the circumstance. Neither would our daughter’s ILs (who are SA).

SwedishDeathClearance · 01/06/2023 19:54

Are they from SA? If so they may have family and friends with baby stuff
Dont assume you will be breastfeeding and sterilising stuff can be very country dependent

If it is just a destination wedding then no way would I go.

wildfirewonder · 01/06/2023 19:58

I wouldn't. You will have a very new first baby which can be very difficult when going smoothly. Add in any complication at all - caesarian, reflux, baby health issue - and things get tougher still.

Then you have passports, vaccinations, travel delays, feeding paraphernalia...

Sorry, but as an old hand I think it sounds mad.

Moonshine160 · 01/06/2023 20:10

I’ve had two children and both have been fairly easy babies, but I still wouldn’t have gone. At 10 weeks old (potentially only 8 weeks if you are overdue) I was exhausted and still finding my feet.

domesticslattern · 01/06/2023 20:17

In the kindest possible way, I don't think this is a great plan. Baby may be late, so only 8 weeks old. You may have a C-section which will be healing. You'll be very very very tired. This is your first baby, which is always a bit of a shock to the system. Babies cry a lot and sleep unpredictably, while as a new mum you will be hyper vigilant to danger.
I would just relax and take it easy at home tbh.

Freshair87 · 01/06/2023 20:24

I took my DS on holiday at 8 weeks old (I had a C-section) and honestly it was super easy (he is my second though) at that age they just sleep all the time and don't really need entertainment, way easier than taking a 6 month old away, just fast track the passport to be safe

bakewellbride · 01/06/2023 20:29

I wouldn't dream of it. You'll be too exhausted.

fuckmyuteruslining · 01/06/2023 20:32

8 weeks are the first jabs. The course is not complete. I would not take a baby overseas without protection against polio, tetanus, whooping cough and Diphtheria.

Twilightstarbright · 01/06/2023 20:39

I was a bridesmaid in the UK at 10 weeks PP and it was a part of the UK I had to fly to. I had all my family there to help so it was ok but I found the bridesmaid part hard as I had no idea what size I was going to be, I couldn’t help much and I had to prioritise the baby.

where exactly in SA? The supermarkets are well stocked and we needed emergency medical treatment for DS which was quick and excellent in Cape Town.

DappledThings · 01/06/2023 20:42

If you can get tickets that are really flexible then I would. With anything baby related I think it's best to just wait and see. It's just as daft to say it's crazy and impossible as it is to say it's a guaranteed doddle. It could be either and there are so many variables you can't know until the time comes.

I would have happily done it but I had a pretty easy birth and recovery and breastfeeding went easily from the start. Could have been entirely different.

Original poster

Londonrungirl · 01/06/2023 20:42

It’s essentially Cape Town periphery - Constantia. His parents have a place there so they know it well but aren’t exactly locals.

Do appreciate all the feedback

OP posts:

littlelionroars · 01/06/2023 20:50

Where in SA is the wedding?

I am South African, and have had to travel to Durban with each of my babies for weddings. DS1 was 4 months for BIL wedding, DS2 was 6 months (& DS1 5 years) for DB wedding. The only reason we went was because it was our brothers weddings. We wouldn't have gone with small babies for anyone else.

It was hard on both journeys. You may be lucky and your little one sleeps right through the flight. You may be unlucky and have them screaming for hours on end. Make sure you pay extra to sit in the bulkhead seats and request a bassinet.

You may still be recovering from the birth and be extremely uncomfortable on the flight.

I think the passport is doable in that time as long as you register the birth and apply asap. Last year my DS2 first passport took 3 weeks.

On our last trip not only was the load shedding (electricity cuts) but at random times there was no water. Which is very stressful when you have a formula fed baby. Luckily I had my father in law to run to the store for bottled water.

If you do go I'd suggest staying somewhere self catering rather than a hotel. It's easier if you need to sterilise bottles etc (might not matter if you're breast feeding)

Consider how you are going to get around. Public transport is non existent. You can Uber but then you need to make sure you have a car seat with you for baby. You can hire a car with a car seat, but sadly this may make you a bit more vulnerable to hi-jacking / smash and grab type crimes. So be vigilant at all times.

I also wouldn't have been keen to go before my baby had their jabs. Make sure you are fully covered by travel insurance as you'll need to go to a private Dr / hospital if baby gets poorly.

Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions regarding SA...

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/06/2023 21:05

As dh is going yes I would attempt it

But not as bm. That's extra pressure

Sterilising if bottle is easy. Get bags and Milton tablets and hang on bath tap

Passport is only issue but if fast travk May be ok

Get a pillow case so can take pic and fill our forms all ready to add birth date

Midnightpony · 01/06/2023 21:09

I wouldn't.
Also keep in mind that the pressure you put on yourself to go/be ready etc might spoil your first few months with the baby.

I travelled 3 hours in the car to spend Christmas with family when baby was that age. The car was jam packed, it was really stressful, I was really anxious and sensitive. And the birth and baby were fine.

I really wouldn't go if I were you

toddlermom99 · 01/06/2023 21:25

I wouldn't but only because of the vaccinations as 10 weeks old he/she wouldn't have completed the initial ones yet.

Flip

1 2 3