Advice on newborn sleep

[Sxp842]

Hi all, I’d be really grateful for some advice on getting my 5 week old to sleep! He was born at 37 weeks at 6lbs (2.7kg) and currently weighs 3.1kg and seems to only be putting on about 100g a week which I understand is less than he should be. He is also exclusively formula fed every 2 to 3 hours. I mention this because I’m not sure if it impacts on his sleep.

during the day he will sleep happily on me or in a sling, in the pram and in the car. He seems to like motion. Getting him to sleep isn’t usually a problem, The problem comes whenever we try to put him down into his Moses basket or next2me crib. He will wake up instantly or a few minutes later and start crying. I might be able to get him back to sleep for 10 minutes or so and then he’ll wake up. I’m constantly having to keep getting him back to sleep, so neither of us are sleeping well which I’m worried is affecting his weight. I don’t think he is getting the recommended 14 - 17 hours.

I’ve tried swaddling with the velcro blankets (but his little hands often pop out), warming his crib with a hot water bottle, white noise. That helps to an extent in getting him to sleep, but doesn’t help him to stay asleep once he goes in the crib.

I’m considering renting the snoo bassinet because I’m at my wits end. I tried cosleeping once but it didn’t really work because he wants to be on me, not near me. I think he does prefer the softer surface of the bed or blankets rather than his cot, but I don’t think it’s safe for him to sleep on soft surfaces?

any advice on what to try?

An expert will come along soon, but 2-3 hours seems a long time between feeds-and as he's also gaining weight slowly could he need more milk? How much sleep do you think he's getting?

This is normal, it’s called the 4th trimester.

It’s unrealistic to expect a baby whose been inside you for 9 months to suddenly be okay with being put down away from you and left. It’s not biologically or historically normal.

Also here to say it’s normal, as hard as it is. How much formula is he having every 2-3 hours?

I was surprised at how little mine slept compared to what the books said they would sleep.
Sounds like you need to get him used to no motion when sleeping. Mine went in the Moses basket for all sleeps unless we were out, I didn’t use a sling.

Is he startling himself awake? You could try other types of swaddle like the Love to Dream ones which suit babies who naturally sleep with their arms up. No way for them to escape and it reduces the startle reflex. Have you tried a dummy? Never intended to use one but they have been brilliant for my DD.

I would leave him to sleep as and when, it's completely normal at 5 weeks. You are just exhausting yourself by continually putting him down for naps.

Good luck! Our baby is just over 2weeks and this phase is a killer (i hope its a phase!) Every night feels like a huge hurdle.
The rockit is really useful. It's quite pricey but you can get them 2ndhand for a normal amount. It pushes/vibrates the pram so the child thinks they are being pushed.

White noise ? Tight swaddle ? Dummy ?

2-3 hours is fine between feeds. My son at that age and younger than that. Fed every 3 to 4 hours. He woke up when he was hungry and gained weight fine. Like when I was in hospital he slept for 5 hours once. I wasn't going to wake him. Sleep is important too for their development. Obviously the only time to wake them is if they're are not gaining weight accordingly.

@Emmamoo89 I wasn't suggesting waking him. But as he is waking anyway and not gaining weight as fast as the OP would like then seeing whether he needs more milk is an entirely sensible thing to suggest.

These are not safe to sleep in and increase the risk of SIDS.

I put mine down awake as much as I could to encourage self settling and to try and avoid him waking in the cot/basket because he went to sleep somewhere else.

Love to dream swaddle
white noise

Don't grab him the minute he starts crying, give him a minute and if it continues then try shhhhing and patting before picking him up if he doesn't calm.

I found it was really just about gritting my teeth and putting him down over and over and he did sleep there, eventually. It just took some time and lots of patience!

Thanks all, so he does use a dummy which helps him get to sleep but then he wakes up when the dummy falls out so it doesn’t really help too much when I’m trying to get some rest.

he’s having about 90mls of formula 8 times a day which I’m told by the health visitor is more than he should be having, but he seems to be taking it fairly well so I’m reluctant to reduce it but also cautious of overfeeding.

I’ll look into getting some sort of rocking thing that we can use for his sleep, that might help if he likes motion

we tried the love to dream swaddle but it didn’t really help having his arms up. He seems to get on better with the arms down swaddle, but need to find a way for him to stop breaking free!

You're doing it right (or at least I think you are - did the same with my son!) and he'll gradually get used to it and be able to sleep without movement/ contact which will be a huge bonus. But it will take time. Only things I'd add: definitely a swaddle bag. Tommee tippee/gro are great. Definitely dummy if he'll take it. Follow the 'stand 8 mins, sit 8 mins" advice before putting down. Put down bum first. Keep your hands on him when you put him down for a good 30 seconds then retreat gradually. I also then hang out in the room for a few mins before doing anything potential disruptive like opening and closing the door... Good luck!

Did you put him down awake when he was as young as 5 weeks?

how do you know when to pick him? I keep picking him up when he starts crying, I know people say to wait and see but I don’t know how long to leave him for. I think I’m struggling to understand what all of his different crys mean!

I agree with southlondonmum22

If baby is fed and clean and has had some happy awake time he’ll need to sleep and will eventually need to learn to self sooth.

And ps you sound like you are doing great. It’s all a learning game to start with !

You can’t really overfeed, give him as much as he’ll take. I think it’s a bit trial an error. One of mine only liked the big cot and a sleeping bag not the swaddle as they were a thumb sucker that liked to spread out. The other liked a full swaddle, a moses basket on a rocking stand that had to be next our bed so his dummy could be easily replaced! Both always went down awake though. And if they start fussing or wake I’d give it a minute to see if it was kicking off or winding down.

You’re doing fine though it must be tiring. They change so much at this age. You’re right to pick him up when he cries, he’s 5 weeks old, he barely knows he’s been born! Babies don’t learn to “self settle” as newborns.

Do you think he’s using the dummy instead of feeding? I’m a big fan of dummies and haven’t ff so don’t know but could you limit the dummy use if he might feed more?

Hi,

didn’t want to read and run. My boy is 14 weeks and we had the same issues so your not alone.

just wanted to let you know it will get better - I never believed it and hated reading it but it definitely does.

my boy was also soo fidgeting and turned out to be reflux, also very bad colic. I found white noise and a dark room with a red/orange sim light helped. We have the groegg thermometer thing which has some colour. Now he tends to sleep ok at night but daytime is still a struggle and has to sleep on me

i still do it now but I put the dummy in to get him to sleep, hold him for approx 20 mins til he is in a deep sleep and dummy falls out then put him down. I still do this in the night which seems to work. Since about 9 weeks we put him down around 9 and he goes to about 2. I remember the first time I got a chunk of 4 hours it felt like I had a full night sleep and it will happen soon for you!

I know you said you tried it but I found the love to dream swaddles great. Helped with the startle reflex and him knocking his dummy out.

keep going - your doing amazing!!

Since he was born. Sometimes, especially at first because he was quite sleepy when first born, there was just no chance and he would be knocked out after his bottle but if he was awake, I'd give it a go and by the time he was 2 weeks and a bit more 'awake', it was something I really tried to be consistent about.

First, is it an actual cry or just grizzling? If it's just a bit of grizzling/whinging then definitely give it a little while to see if he will settle. If it's actual crying, just pause for a moment and see if the crying changes such as gets louder and that's when you could try the shush and patting.

I also did the pick up/put down method by that age which is put him down, pick him up when he cries and you've given him a minute, once he is calm then put him down again and repeat.

You are both still getting to know each other, don't worry. You'll get there.

I tried putting mine down awake but she would never settle, just lays there chatting away for ages! What we do that works is I hold her for 15/20 mins once she's fallen asleep, then I put her down once she's in a deeper sleep and less likely to startle. When she was tiny I used to put her down on her side whilst patting her and gently roll on her back but don't need to do that now. I really didn't want to have to hold her to sleep but it works for us and they won't always be this little and need us x

I can’t believe in this day and age people are actually advising you not to pick up a crying newborn immediately. Newborns cannot self soothe. This is terrible advice.

Your baby doesn’t know they’re a separate person. Look up the 4th trimester. It’s hard, because it’s normal. Please cuddle/hold/love your baby as much as you want to.