Advice on newborn sleep

[Sxp842]

Hi all, I’d be really grateful for some advice on getting my 5 week old to sleep! He was born at 37 weeks at 6lbs (2.7kg) and currently weighs 3.1kg and seems to only be putting on about 100g a week which I understand is less than he should be. He is also exclusively formula fed every 2 to 3 hours. I mention this because I’m not sure if it impacts on his sleep.

during the day he will sleep happily on me or in a sling, in the pram and in the car. He seems to like motion. Getting him to sleep isn’t usually a problem, The problem comes whenever we try to put him down into his Moses basket or next2me crib. He will wake up instantly or a few minutes later and start crying. I might be able to get him back to sleep for 10 minutes or so and then he’ll wake up. I’m constantly having to keep getting him back to sleep, so neither of us are sleeping well which I’m worried is affecting his weight. I don’t think he is getting the recommended 14 - 17 hours.

I’ve tried swaddling with the velcro blankets (but his little hands often pop out), warming his crib with a hot water bottle, white noise. That helps to an extent in getting him to sleep, but doesn’t help him to stay asleep once he goes in the crib.

I’m considering renting the snoo bassinet because I’m at my wits end. I tried cosleeping once but it didn’t really work because he wants to be on me, not near me. I think he does prefer the softer surface of the bed or blankets rather than his cot, but I don’t think it’s safe for him to sleep on soft surfaces?

any advice on what to try?

My baby did self soothe as a newborn so that clearly isn't correct for every newborn. It worked great for us.

Does he have any signs of reflux? My DD’s started around 5 weeks and she hated lying on her back due to it. If not, definitely try another swaddle.

My babies learnt to self sooth. And I cuddled them and I love them ! And still cuddle them now they are big kids

DS self settled because he was the most chilled baby there has ever been.

DD fuck no, fed to sleep for most sleeps, woke all the damn time and has zero chill

Different babies, same gene pool, environment and starting approach.

Btw OP I had a SNOO with the wrong baby (DS), but I got it second hand and ended up selling it for more than I paid. I see loads on marketplace not shifting (where I got mine) but mine sold easily on eBay.

Some babies self soothe, can be put down awake etc - and some don't! Mine doesn't/didn't. Sleeping well on you but not lying flat sounds a bit like reflux, any other symptoms of this? Could you slightly prop up the cot (not the mattress) with a book so baby isn't totally flat? We also put him down slightly on his side leaning up against a rolled up cellular blanket (however that's not recommended so don't do it for naps that you can't supervise) and that helped a lot too. Tbh id just make the contact naps work for you, once I stopped beating myself up trying to get him to nap in the crib everything felt so much easier

"If baby is fed and clean and has had some happy awake time he’ll need to sleep and will eventually need to learn to self sooth."

He's 5 WEEKS OLD!! He can't self soothe at 5 weeks!

@Sxp842 Honestly, you can't overfeed a newborn. If he'll take more milk, give him some. You say he's not putting on weight as fast as you'd like- more milk is the way to cure that!

People are using self soothing in different and odd ways on here. Most people assume it to mean that an upset baby can get themselves un/upset enough to then happily nod off. That’s completely different to getting them self to fall asleep without being in motion or attached to a parent.

Some babies at 5 weeks will happily go to sleep on their own, that’s normal. A happy comfortable full baby with a clean nappy can doze off. That’s not the same as a baby who’s crying realising they don’t need to cry and then going to sleep. The latter is presumably “self settling”? It’s not normal, they have no level of understanding. They just have needs which should be met. An unhappy baby who’s crying needs and deserves to be picked up and cuddled. It’s not the same as a happy baby going to sleep without help.

You absolutely can overfeed a bottlefed baby.

You cannot overfeed a breastfed baby fed directly from the breast as they take exactly what they need, but a bottlefed baby can be overfed whether it’s formula or EBM.

It helps if you can hold your baby after he falls sleep for 20-30 mins until you know he’s in a deep sleep and then transfer him only at that point as gently as possible, keeping the back of his head and neck supported while lowering down slowly so he doesn’t sense the movement as much. Worked about 75% of the time for my baby who only wanted to sleep on me and was similar in that he’d wake up as soon as he detected movement! Also if you put a hot water bottle in the crib to warm sheet up before transferring that can help…obviously don’t leave it in there.

This is a phase that will pass though, hopefully by about six weeks

It’s quite hard to over feed a baby with formula in my experience. They still know and take what they need. It’s not impossible though. If they’re very thirsty and gulp it down too fast you could over feed them but any surplus usually comes back up again!!

@SunnySaturdayMorning But he's not putting on weight as fast as the OP would like. So that means he's not being overfed. 5 weeks, remember.

@CurlewKate I was responding to the posters saying it wasn’t possible. It is.

Is baby being pacefed, OP?

Not sure if it will help but my midwife advised using a hot water bottle to heat up the Moses basket before putting DD into it at night.

Take it out before putting baby in, put it back in whenever you take baby out for a feed.

If it's a grumpy grumble as you put him down, then you can pat him as he lays there to see if he will settle. If he starts crying, pick him up immediately. NEVER leave a baby to cry if you can possibly help it.

The whole concept of 'self soothing' is false. They give up due to learned helplessness.

Never leave a child to cry.

I agree with you! It can happen very easily.

@Emmamoo89 "I agree with you! It can happen very easily."

So what happens if you overfeed a 5 week old baby? Particularly a 5 week old baby who is gaining weight slowly?

I meant later on past newborn stage.

Overfeeding a baby is not something that can happy easily. That sounds like something my Grandmother who had her babies in the 1960s would say as it was a regimented 4 hour feeding schedule in her day and babies got exactly what it said on the tin and no more. Or my French mother in law who had SIL in the 70s and said she cried a lot and with hindsight she was probably hungry but she wasn’t going to risk a fat daughter 😱

Babies are excellent at regulating their appetite and refuse the bottle by turning their head when full. If they do take a bit much they’ll posset it back up. The modern advice I’ve always heard is always let them take what they want and when they’re draining the bottle start making another ounce going forward, the box is just a rough guide, feed on demand etc. I’ve only ever heard of overfeeding in regard to bad reflux as they want to keep swallowing for the relief.

What @FlounderingFruitcake said!

Not my experience at all. But then you have assumed it means walking away and leaving them to cry which isn't the case.

There's a difference between pausing to see if baby will settle and trying to comfort baby before picking them up and then picking them up until settled and putting them down again to teach them to settle in their basket/cot than simply just walking away and leaving baby to cry.

Thanks for all the messages and words of encouragement! Everyone keeps saying it gets easier at 6 to 8 weeks and I really hope it does!

I don’t think he has reflux. He scrunches his body up and looks in discomfort when I put him down in his crib, but I’m assuming that’s trapped wind? He occasionally brings up a lot of milk after a feed but I don’t know if that’s over feeding? He also hiccups after feeding sometimes. But he isn’t usually unsettled when feeding, and I don’t think he is bringing up so much milk that it’s preventing him from putting on weight. I’ll try propping up the cot and see if that helps. I also don’t think he enjoys being on a firm mattress but not sure if there is a way to safely soften it.

I might try offering him a larger feed and see if he takes it. It’s just that he’s currently having 90mls per feed which is more than the recommended amount for his weight, but he is generally quite good at letting me know when he is full.

he isn’t pace fed. When I was in hospital The midwives said to not pace feed him because the feeding was taking too long so he wasn’t getting enough rest between feeds. But he is feeding more quickly now so could try pace feeding if it might help?

ive tried patting and shusshing but it doesn’t seem to help once he’s already started crying, only picking him up. Although I did manage to get him to sleep in his crib for half an hour yesterday which feels like progress!

Pace feeding is really important so I’d definitely start doing that.

Babies’ mattresses are meant to be firm to prevent SIDS, rebreathing and also for support with their limbs and spine, so it wouldn’t be safe to get a softer one or to try and make your current one softer.

It sounds like you're doing great!

Personally, I wouldn't pay any attention to the recommended amounts and go with the guideline of if he's draining the bottle, give him an extra ounce at the next feed. I think trying more and also possibly doing every 3 hours could potentially help, mine is a few weeks away from 6 months and every 3 hours during the day is still his routine now.

He will get used to the crib with time, half an hour is a great start!