Parents who allow 0 screen time

[thesurreymum]

I recently took my 4 year old for a play date with someone new who we recently met. The mum said that they have zero screen time, no tablets, games consoles and the TV was password protected. Their eldest child is 8. After about 1 hour of playing nicely with toys/outside my DS was pestering me to watch YouTube on my phone. I was quite embarrassed by this. I genuinely thought that my DC have a good balance between screen time and playing/doing activities. I am however noticing that they are preferring electronic devices even more. Out of curiosity I am just wondering how many people actually have zero screen time for their DC particularly if they are of primary school age?

I think zero screen time is actually a bit harmful. We like it or not, they will be exposed to technology when they go to school/ get a job or just generally in life. They have to learn to find their own balance and to use it to learn from it rather than just entertainment.

However, I would never give my phone to my child to watch YouTube videos on, especially when we are out. For me, they can only use technology at home (with strict limits). When we are out (playgroup, bus, restaurants, car etc...) zero screentime- they need to learn to entertain themselves. Giving then screan time is ok- just make sure they learn when it's ok and when it isn't.

It's ironic how draconian some of you are over screen time with your kids, and yet you clearly spend your downtime scrolling MN and responding to threads
Not really. Adults and children are different.

Actually knowing how many adults (me and DH included) mindlessly swipe on devices was a driving force behind us being intentional about our technology use with our DC. They are children. Our job is to consider the impact of the information and materials we give them access to.

Some people seem to think that their 4 year olds have more impulse control and more awareness of technology and a better ability to avoid its addictive nature than most adults. Or they don't actually think that but it's a useful distracted to hand a child a personal device and everyone else does so it can't be that bad.

My 4yo has plenty of screen time, she watches some TV in mornings, she occasionally plays her tablet, etc but she's never asked for anything screen-related on a play date and I don't let her watch stuff on my phone ever either. I guess maybe your DC has learned that the screen comes everywhere and can always be used?

That is quite an opinion.
My children have maybe 1 hr at the weekend, no phones and definitely no consoles. They don’t miss out, know how to behave in public and in company and find the joy in the little things. They read books, listen to audio books, play in the garden all day. I don’t think my children are oddballs and they have lots of friends

To me, it isn't the fact that it's a screen, it's all about what's on it. I have never understood the whole blanket assumption that screen = bad and I find it desperately old fashioned. Educational apps are a good thing in my opinion, as is BBC bitesize. My DC are teenagers now but when they were younger I never experienced any problems asking them to switch off, or any bad behaviour post usage.

My child is 2.5 so a bit younger than what OP is asking about. He does not have or use an ipad or do anything on my phone (rarely we might record a video or youtube to send to family together).
He does watch TV at home- I try and limit this I don't have set amounts but I often use a timer and tell him when the timer goes off we are turning the TV off. If its a rainy day and I'm really tired and skint we might have a TV day but I try and balance this out with days where we have no TV at all. I also didn't put TV on for him until after he had started crawling. It horrified me seeing 4 month old babies glued to screens.
I use the time to fly through my housework or get ready, if he isn't actively watching it I turn it off and let him concentrate on his toys. Often discuss what is happening on the program too and I won't put anything like Cocomelon on (cocomelon is like crack for the brain, have a read of some articles as to why). Slower paced TV is better.
He won't be getting an ipad until he is asking for one for Christmas when he is older and there will be limits. He's a very active boy though so will see.
I think zero screen time whatsoever at age 8 is a bit extreme though and doesn't help to integrate a growing human into this crazy world we live in.
Screens, like pizza, have their place in society but not good for us to have them all day every day!
And that includes us adults scrolling through Mumsnet or YT shorts or doomscrolling the news websites.
Good documentaries on YouTube about dopamine and the affect of mindless scrolling on our brains.
And with that said, I'm off out to get some fresh air :D 🤣

Effect not affect before the pedants come at me!

My DT’s are five and we are allowed to watch tv but no tablets or games consoles. They would never ask to watch anything on my phone. They often prefer to play rather than watch tv, but when they are tired after school and the fighting starts, and I’m trying to cook dinner, I encourage a bit of tv to chill them out!

My 16 year old rarely watches TV except sport. He doesn't have time to game as he says it's a waste of time and he is always doing sport. He does sometimes play online chess but maximum 1-2 hours per week. He uses a laptop for school work. He does Sport every night and both weekend days. When he plays cricket a 50 over match can last from 12 until 8.30pm. He has to arrive at 11 to warm up. I don't stop him being on the computer all the time I just provide more desirable alternatives.

This only really kicks in at secondary

My DC have a fair bit of screen time but I wouldn't let them watch YouTube on my phone. Screens are for when we're at home chilling, not to waste time on when we're out doing something, if you know what I mean.

Yes it’s about balance surely. My DC (11) likes playing his xbox and chatting to his friends on it but he’s equally (actually MORE) happy playing football with them or just out in the fresh air making their own fun. He himself doesn’t want to be glued to a screen all day.

I was at secondary school in the 90s with a boy that didn’t have a tv at all at home and he was teased about it. Always felt sorry for him.

😇 we used screen time as babysitter for DD as life was shit at the time!
She would spent most afternoon/ evenings watching kids TV

DD's development wasn't hindered and she's off to uni in September studying speech & language.

I think no screetime is probably more helpful than lots of screen time in terms of "fitting in". Socially we look at common denominators and TV programmes, electronic games and social media are easy for children & teens to connect with.

@littleripper I’m really interested in your approach. Mine don’t have phones yet as too young. However I am so worried about the effects of social media when they are older. How much push back did you get at the time? I feel like I’m the only one who will be so strict.

Lots of the comments on this thread are ignoring age. What is appropriate in terms of screen time for a 1 year old vs a 4 year old vs a teen is very different imo.

OP is talking about a 4 year old. At that age I think screen time should be limited (not excluded altogether although I also don’t think a kid would be adversely affected if it was). For preschoolers and in early primary school the main benefit of screens imo is for the parents when you need to distract them or take a break to get stuff done.

Once kids are older - late primary and into secondary - then I absolutely see that there are educational and social benefits to tablets and TV - but when my own kids are that age I will still try to impose some limits so that they have a balance.

My 3 year old granddaughter watches CBeebies every day ,uses the tablet on car journeys etc . She looks at pics on my phone and funny videos . She also plays with her toys ,chats ,looks at books,colours,sticking ,jigsaws enjoys being outside so I really don’t understand why people are so highly strung about screens !

I’m not highly strung about screens. I’ve just made a different choice in what I want my children to be doing with their time.

I haven’t had that experience with my 8yo ds and we only limit screen time and say no to video games. As I said though, it’s likely to differ area to area and doesn’t change my decisions (because I feel they’re appropriate).

I think people are highly strung because lots of children are quite affected by it. It may not be obvious in every friendship group, but I’m sure plenty of teachers have noticed a lack of ability to wait or amuse themselves because in ‘boring’ moments lots of children are given screens. Equally, some see online friendships as exactly the same as in real life - which they’re not. They can move on to real life socialising and be a valid way to chat, but they shouldn’t utterly replace it as it seems to for some teens. The amount of children watching inappropriate content in my area seems to be quite high and there’s a lot of children watching TikTok videos that aren’t really age appropriate or sometimes have quite questionable themes. It’s not everyone and different children respond differently, but I think there’s a difference between helping children interact at a dinner table and learn productive ways to deal with boredom rather than just relying on a screen. I think there’s also plenty of reasons that many people who work in the games industry don’t let their young children play video games.

Limiting screen time is all very well if you have just one child, or two close together.

I have five DCs, with an eleven year gap from youngest to oldest.

The TV (90s and 00s) was rarely off. Oldest DC got a small TV in their bedroom at age 12.

They all played plenty, did chores, did sports, art and crafts, played piano, did hours of homework daily...

I think the problem of 'too much screen time' is actually a problem of 'too much inappropriate content that children can't process'. It's also a case of too many scene changes per second, too much visual stimulation.

I relied on broadcast TV for my DCs viewing content. I never subscribed to cable (Nickelodeon, Disney, etc). My DCs had a great PBS station (in the US) which broadcast high quality, slow paced children's fare (for example, 'Mr Roger's Neighborhood'). Another station broadcast cartoons on Saturday mornings. They watched early evening shows too, as they got older (The Simpsons).

I also bought DVDs for them - all downloadable now. One series my DCs liked in particular when they were younger was a very slow paced series of animated Beatrix Potter stories.

The adversarial themes and elements of programming on Nickelodeon and its ilk, not to mention the blaring ads and egregious materialism, are not suitable for children. But there's plenty of good quality alternative fare.

publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/128/4/644/30711/The-Immediate-Impact-of-Different-Types-of?redirectedFrom=fulltext
When it comes to the impact on executive functioning -
Fast pacing is a problem.
Educational or slow paced fare is not.

There is a good proportion of educational and useful information on TV and YouTube … One of my kids is much brighter than me and the stimulus he finds on screens on topics I know nothing about astounds me.He reads as well , but is for ever telling me interesting facts and it’s always from YouTube or Google … I believe in a balance . Hasten to add he is not at all interested in social media

Not fully zero as I allow some on days when the weather is bad or if they’re sick, but no phones, tablets, etc and the only remote for the tv is an app on my phone. I actually began this after my oldest two got very dependent on watching shows during a difficult pregnancy for me. I turned it on way too often as I had no energy and I was horrified to find them basically addicted. They went through some definite withdrawal symptoms when I cracked down but after about a month they stopped asking for it/thinking about it and still don’t (3 years since).

just to take a step back a little from the current moral panic over screens, in the 1800s there was the similar hysteria as parents thought young people were reading too many books, and reading rage was a thing. (I can totally get that, I also get book hangovers)

https://www.historytoday.com/archive/media’s-first-moral-panic

It’s nothing new that parents worry about whatever the new thing is, it doesn’t mean that it’s bad.

im 'step-mum' to a 6yr old girl and a 9yr old boy - they both have ridiculous amount of screentime. if it was up to me i wouldnt allow it at all. the 6yr old isnt so bad but the 9yr old is obsessed. i find it sad really. i didnt have a phone till i was 15 and my childhood was completly fine and filled with memories playing with toys. i would rather them play with their toys that me and their dad buy them for birthday and christmas. i sometimes feels its a waste buying present when i know they wont be played with.

But equally, the fact that a previous fear was unfounded doesn't mean the current fear is also unfounded.

We don't have zero screen time but our nearly 3 year old was watching an hour a day of TV and it was creeping up due to pregnancy and having a newborn and I started to notice the awful change in behaviour. My final straw was him asking for YouTube (always controlled by me) after nursery before he even got out the door. He used to ask to go to the park. I made a change that day and he hasn't had YouTube in 2 months, has forgotten about it and his TV is now capped at 30 minutes a day (I remain flexible for days I'm up all night with the baby or days of being sick) but I've seen such a positive difference in him.

I think if my child was asking for YouTube at a playdate I'd find this quite sad and it would be my motivation to make changes (I'm not judging, it's easy to fall into the habits of screen!) My toddler has no tablet, nor does he watch anything on phones so it's just the TV in the living room and that won't change for at least 7 more years. My intention anyway.