Parents who allow 0 screen time

[thesurreymum]

I recently took my 4 year old for a play date with someone new who we recently met. The mum said that they have zero screen time, no tablets, games consoles and the TV was password protected. Their eldest child is 8. After about 1 hour of playing nicely with toys/outside my DS was pestering me to watch YouTube on my phone. I was quite embarrassed by this. I genuinely thought that my DC have a good balance between screen time and playing/doing activities. I am however noticing that they are preferring electronic devices even more. Out of curiosity I am just wondering how many people actually have zero screen time for their DC particularly if they are of primary school age?

Mine have always had limited screen time. They watched tv when they were younger and learned phonics and timestables from YouTube and watched films on tablets on long journeys.
There's always a time and a place for it so they would never have asked for it when in company.
My bag often had paper, colouring books, pencils, books and small toys in case we got stuck in queues or other boring places. They never had my phone or their own gadgets.

Nothing wrong with a bit of screen time.

It's about balance. My DD will happily sit and watch Cocomelon for a couple of hours but then she'll be out on her bike for 2 hours after that. She doesn't kick and scream if I turn it off. Sometimes she turns it off herself.

People are very 'all or nothing' on Mumsnet, usually the latter.
It's like some parents simply can't cope with their child's behaviour if they're exposed to a little bit of juice, processed food or a bit of Netflix.

I find it a bit bizarre.

This thread is hilarious. People talking about near abusive and negligent parenting for not allowing personal screens.
Negligent would be when you fail to reflect on your knowledge of your child the oppurtunities you want for them and be able to put their needs first. I don't think making an informed decision of delaying access to an I pad counts as neglect🤣🤣.
My 7.5 yr old only has TV. Ocassionally We'll look up something together on my I pad but thats it. I have samsung kids on my phone which she v occasionally will ask for to do the colouring in app but she's really not bothered with it. We've tried educational apps on the I pad but interest in that was also minimum and she learns more fully doing actual board learning games. I'm happy with that just now. I let her play about doing emails and messages on my lap top for keyboard skills.
I want her to really get into reading and continue exploring and learning through play for another year or so yet. I've looked at the kids amazon fire which looks good but not yet.

I have found that children who have no access to screens tend to be a bit behind when it comes to computer literacy and are often isolated from their peers.

My son didn’t have regular access to screens until he was eight though and only got a phone with data at 14.

This was what my mum did with us when we were little and it worked great - it meant we read a lot and entertained ourselves by playing rather than just staring gormlessly at telly all day. From our teen years we watched a lot more TV, but me and my brother both love reading and have always been very imaginative, and I'm sure that is in part due to a low screen-time up upbringing when we were under 12.

I think screen time is quite good if you're going to do/watch something specific - same as for adults. But for just mindless dopamine hits e.g. social media or whatever, it's not good for your mental health.
It's (youtube nursery rhymes) also good for distraction when cutting nails/hair/washing hair/taking out splinters/etc! And if you're going to go doolally if your child keeps pestering you and you need to concentrate for half an hour. Not everyone has infinite patience to interact with all their children all the time.
We don't actually have a TV, not really out of principle though. Our son who's nearly 4 still recognises all the peppa/paw patrol/etc from the childminder's so he's not missing out on any culture :)
I do see kids out any about sat in pushchairs watching a screen and I wonder what's wrong with looking at the world. But you gain different things from the screen than the world, and nowadays so much relies on screens.
My son is interested in the laptop and he recognises the google logo all over the place, and wants me to google things.
Whatever you do, your child is going to turn out okay, if you feel bad about it, just give them a hug and chat to them before bed as it's the perfect time to reconnect. Take care.

I was brought up in the 60s70s with no TV. I genuinely didn't care until Secondary school. Have no interest in TV now. I brought my first ds up with one programme a day but as someone already said he was mad for TV everywhere he went . It was such a novelty. Even when they had those TV shops he would stop and stare at the TVs in the window and not want to move on. So l relented a lot. My other two were in a more balanced situation and neither have much interest as adults. My first still loves it.
Think balance is the name of the game.

We moved house in January and didn't get around to setting up the TV in the playroom, and it's now in the upstairs reception room where the DC don't spend much time. So they get very little screen time these days - 1 yo barely any, 4yo will sometimes go upstairs to watch a Disney film, but generally prefers to be in the playroom. Has a tablet but mostly use it for holidays. It wasn't my intention, I had expected to need a TV to keep the dc occupied (they're usually in the playroom while I'm prepping food, it's open plan with the kitchen). But the playroom set up means they have loads to do.

I would find it a bit sad not to have any screen time at all though. DD loves the Disney classic films, and we've enjoyed flicking through musicals songs like Sound of Music and Wizard of Oz. Sometimes we search for science or nature documentaries to find out about something we've encountered. And I've tracked down some catchy songs about numbers her teacher uses for numeracy. I'm pretty sure their school will expect them to use apps for learning soon so it will be hard to avoid entirely.

The salient part of your post is the fact that your child is 7.5.

Wait a few years and I think you'll have a different take on all of this.

DS11 has a friend whose mum allows him 1 hour a day at weekends on screens. She is constantly messaging the WhatsApp group for mums of their friendship group asking for playdates and whenever we bump into her she is rushing him to an activity. When the boy comes to our house all he wants to do is watch TV or go on the computer, like an addict getting a fix. His mother does not know this so probably thinks like some of the parents on this thread that her son is far too creative and imaginative to need screens for entertainment and superior to all the poor brain damaged neglected kids allowed on screens.

The other child we know whose screen time is heavily policed is also 11 and very young for her age and struggles to make friends. She has mentioned TV programmes before that all the kids at her school are talking about that she’s not allowed to watch - I do think this contributes to her peers perceiving her as a bit immature and out of touch.

There is definitely a happy medium between extreme policing of screen time and letting them on screens all day.

Not 0 screens, but limited screens and DC don't use tablets or phones for personal use.

The idea we should give children access to YouTube, tablets, smartphones etc because other children have been allowed to have lots of digital freedom from a young age feels uncomfortable to me. I'd not let my DC stuff their face with junk food and fizzy drinks regularly because other parents do, so why would I do it with technology?

I do not understand why most are against screen time. I guarantee you all watched screens growing up. Used properly they can be very educational. Some OTT precious parents about, I mean what do you think is going to happen to them?

I think the main thing that benefits children who don’t have much screen time is that when they experience boredom and look for something else to do like reading or music or a hobby. The problem with children having unlimited or a lot of screen time is that when they get bored they effectively have the whole world in their hands, good and bad. So many parents give their child screens from such a young age and with apps like Snapchat and tiktok don’t realise what their children are doing in their rooms. Children are being talked into sharing pictures of themselves and the consequences are massive not only for the child sending the picture but also their ‘friends’ that might share it. My DC are older but one thing I really stressed was that unless you are happy to turn the corner and see an image on a billboard, don’t share it.

We had zero screen time for dc2 until 1.5y and then it’s limited. Dc1 was 2-3. Sometimes I wish I’d said no screens at all, but I was ill when ds was little and in a wheelchair so I accept that’s the decision I made. All DS (dc1s) friends play games and many seem to not know how to do play dates, which surprised me. However, it could be the personalities of the children as it’s such a small number personally involved with me iyswim. My main issues with play dates are that they need constant activities provided and a lot of input from me, there’s no going off and playing or choosing an activity themselves though my ds suggests plenty and attention span is pretty poor for their age. They have asked for screens at the dinner table and I was surprised at how tired they get so quickly in outdoor or active play. One child has a smart phone already and caused a small stir at a children’s party where instead of engaging with the activities the whole party gathered round it. It wasn’t social and I got ds to choose a party where that wouldn’t be possible.

My ds has limited time and was only allowed genuinely educational games age 7 (reading eggs - he was a reluctant reader, duolingo). My husband worked in the games industry, so we were probably more cautious than most seeing how most games are made to be addictive. I also don’t find ds is good at self regulation, we’re seeking an adhd diagnosis which could contribute to that. He spends hours and hours doing Lego and regularly plays with hot wheels or sometimes makes comics etc. We go out lots and play in the garden lots, though we are more limited than I’d like due to dads disability and him being the driver (I will be learning to drive asap). I do find it’s all his friends really talk about at school and their games revolve around video game inspiration. My ds often feels left out as he doesn’t play those video games, so it’s hard to feel I’ve made the right choice. For his brain development, I think I have, but socially it’s made things more of a challenge. I’ll allow video games at secondary school age but for very limited time and only in the living room. We don’t do tellys in bedrooms.

Its definitely harder for parents. I spend a lot of time entertaining children on journeys and at the dinner table when out though I know others use phones etc, but I don’t want them watching a phone, I want them involved. If they need a walk, I’ll take them for a walk. It’s not that fun for me, but I can catch up on that when they’re teens and think I suck. I do think part of it is dependent on where you live, I’m sure loads of parents limit screen time far more than those in my son’s friendship group, but it just hasn’t been the experience I’ve had so far. I don’t think COVID helped. I was quite sad to see the reclusive teen thread the other day, about teenage boys only really socialising on screens outside school. Just seemed a bit depressing.

My ds would jump at the chance for extra screen time. However, if his friends are suggesting and doing it on play dates with a yes from mum, why should it be up to him to say no? He’s not too creative for screens, he loves them, but I limit them for his good. A part of that is because schools and play dates include them a huge amount these days and I can’t control those (though I’d limit anyway). I agree there’s a happy medium, but I’m not sure a child asking to go on a screen on a play date as that’s what they’ve been allowed to do there before is proof of anything except lots of children enjoy games because they’re made to be addictive and parents should maybe provide different activities? I’d imagine this mum does know her child’s tendency to want to play or watch games and telly and that’s why she limits it to teach him other things too.

I don't tend to limit screen time but DS self regulates and loves to play with other kids/toys. I would never allow the tv on during a playdate but I've been on play dates where other kids have pulled out tablets and I don't agree with that. I have friends who say their kid can spend all day on a tablet. I wouldn't allow this but DS wouldn't do it.

Since staring school I've found the school encourage the kids to play educational games online and DS enjoys doing that as well as watching other things.

My children are 6 and 3 and have no access to phones, tablets or gaming consoles etc. we have 1 family tv downstairs where they can watch tv upto 1 hour per day.

No, it’s not the point of a play date to sit vacant in front of a screen.

As toddlers we never allowed screen time on play dates.

Kids are a bit older now so they do 1/2 hour gaming or have a movie together. This is only allowed once they’ve had hours of play, eaten a meal together etc or if i desperately need to keep younger boys away from older girls!!

I never allow them on YouTube unless to look for specific how-to type info (addictive and rots their attention span). I’d be mortified if my kid acted like yours did OP.

@Ginger1982 I'm exactly the same as you. I don't set a time limit, BUT both DDs don't want to be on it all day anyway. I wouldn't allow it on a play date, and I don't allow it while having meals either. Older DD is in reception at school where they use iPads for some of their learning, and using a tablet at home now and again has certainly made it easier for her to access that.

My children grew up in the days when the "screen time" debate was all about how many hours they sat in front of the TV, and before mobile devices were a thing.

We had no TV at all, never watched it and my children spent hours doing other stuff, outdoors, reading books, creative play....they were always good at amusing themselves and making friends with others. Home computers and gaming became a thing when my children were in their teens, at which point we got a TV and eventually gaming devices.

I felt the early years without any screens had been beneficial as it gave my children other experiences and all sort of other skills in early life. It never held them back with the computer and of course, they are fully up to date with everything these days, including the full range of social media and the rest.

DS actually works with computers at quite a high level, earning vast amounts of money and explaining A1 to me in depth (as it really isn't my thing!)

My point is that in my opinion, a lack of screens in the early years can bring other benefits and really isn't going to hold them back in the future either.

My children have never seen a screen. If we are somewhere public with screens I quickly affix their blinkers to protect their developing brains.

It's ironic how draconian some of you are over screen time with your kids, and yet you clearly spend your downtime scrolling MN and responding to threads.

A healthy balance and boundaries with screen-time is good, but some of you are far too controlling imo.

My two have virtually no screen time. No phones or tablets and the telly is usually off. When we do have it on it's to something like the news and the kids don't pay attention.

We briefly used Hey Duggee as a potty training bribe but DD quickly lost interest.

I think some binging of things you are interested is normal - my sister recorded over my Duran Duran video on 80's because I was annoying her with watching it repeatedly. DD1 wore out several Tellytubbies VHS tapes.

@1stWorldProblems makes a good point here. Kids get into things; often things we think are a bit mindless. And watch them over and over. I was obsessed with a Wham in China video. When she was little, one DD was obsessed with one of those Osborne press the button and make a sound books - she wore it out. If you read any Roald Dahl, he’s always ranting about the evils of TV and how children should be reading instead. ‘Twas ever thus - just screens are the new medium of choice these days.

Ask people with teenagers about screen time. You'll find some teenagers are so addicted to their gaming and phones that nothing else is a priority. Others have more balanced life.
The aim is for the balance. I have dcs who would happily stare at screens all day if I allowed them to do I had to restrict it.
Some kids know how to self regulate.
It's wise to set limits when they're young as it's really hard to do it for teens when they'd rather be gaming than studying for GCSEs or socialising in real life.