To ask what you'd do if your 3 year old did this?

[whatismumlife]

Just questioning my parenting!

What would you do if your three year old, in protest to going home rather than 'somewhere fun' (that had never been promised!) refused to get out the car. You try and get them out, they aren't co-operating so you leave them and walk away and they come in a couple of minutes later in a huff. You later go out to your car and find the drivers seat soaked in piss, piss splashed all over the dash etc.

He hasn't done it in fear of being left alone, I literally walked around the corner and he isn't scared of being in the car. He didn't wet himself by accident. There's nothing on his clothes and his pants are dry. He's deliberately gotten it out and pissed on the drivers seat. He's climbed over from his seat to do it on my seat.

He's in bed now and I've discovered it and I'm furious and genuinely don't know what to do. It's such a bloody calculated thing to do! I'm really disappointed he'd do such a thing to be honest. I know he's little but he's old enough to know that's wrong (and rank)

I am horrified at the responses!

you have to deal with it - you have to explain actions have consequences and put in a punishment - whatever that is in your house.

going to ignore a poo on your carpet?

boundaries are your friend and this kid just pissed all over them.

Be calm, be the adult but don’t accept that behaviour.

@FairAcre smacking is illegal.

Yes exactly! I can't believe the people saying ignore it. Like another pp said, give him a damp cloth tomorrow and send him out to clean it up

My ds at that age in a similar tantrum smeared the contents of him nappy on his bedroom walls. It only happened the once. I completely ignored it and calmly removed him from the room, cleaned him up, put him somewhere safe, cleaned the room up, then put him back to bed without a word. No positive interaction but I didn't let him know how annoyed I was. He hasn't done it since.

It’s a gross thing to do, but tbh I don’t really think a 3 year old has the mental capacity to be ‘calculated’. It was probably a very impulsive rebellion from him. I would be irritated by it, but it’s not something I’d dwell on.

Punishment here.

Lots of boring long walks because he peed on the car seat so can't use it til it dries. Lots of no can't do that fun thing because can't use the pissy car.

See this is why I prefer teenagers.
Teens may puke lie drug sneak argue sass etc., but you know you can come down hard on them like tonne of bricks for all that and they'd know they deserved it.

Being harsh on a 3yo is horrible for everyone and you know you'll get it wrong (too light or too hard or both), even if their maddening behaviour is off the scale.

If he's got the brain power to plan it, he's got the brain power to clean it. He'd also be having no sugar all day the next day. Tantrums are children's way of teaching us how you made them feel. Humiliated? Angry? They want you to feel what they felt.

I don't think i could let it go. And there would need to be a consequence.

Possibly something like having to walk everywhere tomorrow as you cant drive the car because he weed in it.

It should be short and sharp and happen tomorrow. And then even though you will be angry for a long time let it go.

Naughty step is pointless & an exercise in dominating a small child. 'One min per year' is such an arbitrary & meaningless element.

OP, I would speak to him, explain it's unacceptable & why & see if he can explain how he was feeling - it sounds like he could. I wouldn't punish him but I agree with PPs suggestions about cleaning up, or having to walk instead of drive.

Even though its already clean I'd make a point to have him helping clean the car tomorrow.

I agree he needs to clean up instead of doing something fun first thing.
Doesn't have to be a 'long punishment' but 10 mins of cleaning the car instead of 10 mins of tv type thing but then move on with a normal day.

@EarringsandLipstick that is your opinion. I have a kid with asd and adhd and his behaviour would be absolutely horrendous without employing the naughty step.

Pissing over a car in anger is horrendous.

I barely ever need to discipline now as my child knows how to behave and it sorted the toddler years right out.

I am in agreement that the clean up the car/walk instead of drive route is best in this instance as considerable time has passed since the event… but in future if he’s badly behaved the naughty step, if used straight away, could help.

• Cue all the people saying oh you’re not supposed to discipline ND kids… They still need boundaries, and having somewhere to sit and focus on what went wrong, to calm down and to then discuss the problem really helped.

Give him a really boring morning tomorrow. Whatever he wants to do, you haven’t got time because you’re cleaning the car.

I’d say get him to help clean up but he’s at the age where helping you clean is fun.

Pour some water on his car seat before you next go in the car. Tell him that you peed on it because thats what he did to you. Make him sit in the wet seat and go wherever you are going with wet clothes (which he thinks is pee).

I definitely wouldn't react or punish. He's 3, far too little for any punishment after the fact to do any good.

If he mentions it tomorrow feign vague indifference. If he doesn't think it's a big deal he won't do it again.

Do not do this, for the love of Christ

I know it doesn't feel like it now but one day this will be a funny anecdote that you'll be able to look back and laugh at. One of my twin boys was once really cross about something - aged about 3 - and decided to protest by pooing on the carpet in his bedroom. He's nearly 16 now and absolutely lovely and is mortified and disbelieving when it's mentioned. Not that we talk about it often!

3 year olds are assholes, but they're also very little. His world has been changed by a baby sibling, he knows he's very cross but they don't know how to manage that at 3. I'm a bit shocked that anyone would send him to clean it up at 3 years old. Some of the replies are way too bloody harsh, he's 3 not 13.

Firstly, ignore all the posters giving you grief for leaving him in the car. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

In the morning I would calmly give him the materials to clean up the car (obviously do it properly yourself first) and get him to clear it up. I'd also explain that you can't now go to 'somewhere fun' because you can't drive the car because there is wee all over the seat. But do it calmly, just state the facts. Let him learn the consequences of his actions in a simple cause and effect way. Don't give him a big reaction.

I'd have employed the single raised eyebrow, I'd have added that to 'OUT. NOW'. It never fails.

This wouldn't work on me as a kid nor on one of my dc.

Pour some water on his car seat before you next go in the car. Tell him that you peed on it because thats what he did to you. Make him sit in the wet seat and go wherever you are going with wet clothes (which he thinks is pee).

That's awful!

I'd take the car for a valet with DC with me. I'd casually tell child Mummy can't take you to softplay now because she has to use all our money to pay the person to valet the car to get rid of the wee smell. Let DC know actions have consequences.

I could not agree with you more

The naughty step is an awful way to discipline a child. So much research against this method now. If you want to damage your relationship with your child in years to come and also give your child issues with creating healthy relationships- use the naughty step 🙄

surely the naught step isn't as bad as smacking? although as someone who was smacked it didn't damage me in anyway