Friend claiming training puppy like having a baby?

[Babymama2022]

I’m not sure why but I’m just feeling really annoyed at my friend for claiming training her puppy is like having a baby if not more tiring? She’s not had a baby and doesn’t ever plan on having one and I’m a single mother who’s absolutely exhausted and hardly had any sleep since baby was born a year ago. She claims she knows exactly how I feel with stress levels and exhaustion because she’s just got a puppy. Maybe I shouldn’t feel this way, but her saying this just didn’t comfort me at all and it just made me feel angry by her claiming having a dog is as exhausting as a baby/child.

To be fair, if you haven't had a child, having a puppy is very intense. Yes not the same playing field, but she doesn't know that as she hasn't been in your shoes. I'm not sure the comparison would really bother me. If you're good friends I'd try to let it go.

I've got 2 children (was a single parent with my first) and quite frankly would take the baby stage over a puppy any day of the week.

Puppy stage isn't as long as with a child but it's intense when you're in it and I honestly would say it's harder.

That said, being a single parent comes with alot of other stress factors so I can see why you don't think they are comparable. In direct comparison, puppy is harder (to me), inclusive of everything else and time consideration of course it's more stressful to be a single parent overall.

I just assume it means the person feels parental towards their animal… definitely doesn’t make it just like having a baby though so ignore them!

She might not have meant it in a bad way to diminish what you are doing, just as a joke to find common ground. Plenty of people with babies compare it to having a puppy and often say the beginning with a puppy is actually harder than having a newborn. To the PP who said you can put puppies in a cage and go out for a few hours…that’s not really advisable unless you want a messed up anxious dog. I think this is a case of “don’t take things personally” and you will find you are less upset by things. She wouldn’t have said it with bad intentions and of course raising a human is a much much bigger job - but the shock to the system, the sleepless nights, the suddenly having another being dependent on you - does have some parallels!

We’re just coming out the other side with our puppy, and we do joke that it’s like having another baby - getting up in the night with it, getting it back to sleep, the (seemingly) endless toilet training, the having to keep an eye on it all the time.

But, of course, it’s not actually in the same league at all.

I do wonder at the sort of people who make comments like this. There is an acute lack of self-awareness. I wouldn’t say something like that before I had kids, because I’d be aware of sounding like a lunatic to someone who had had kids. It would be mortifying to come across as so naive, and to think people would be laughing behind my back.

I've had 2 babies and I found the first few weeks after getting our puppy just like having a newborn! Husband had to sleep on the sofa for 2 weeks to sleep train him! Thankfully it only lasts a month or 2 and not over a year. 😂

I really don't understand what's so wrong with saying that. It's true. Looking after a puppy is harder than looking after a baby-just for a much shorter period of time.

It depends on the child I think. Puppy 100 times harder than DC1, and about 100 times easier than DC2.

It is quite like having a baby, especially if you are a man as you havent just given birth then either. But the stages/phases are so much quicker. You go from puppy to well adjusted adult dog in two years. Wheras a baby is still a baby at 2 to be honest. I know they are toddlers but now i have teens, 2 year olds are still babies to me. Not all potty trained, having naps, waking at night is quite normal. I feel exhausted thinking about it. Put it this way, id consider another puppy but I wouldnt have another baby.

I am sorry you are exhausted OP. Young children are exhausting and arent pets and it isnt the same thing.

Can you really make a blanket statement that “it’s true” for all puppies and all babies, or just the ones you had?

I find this as insulting as women saying they are practically single mothers because their husband/partner works away.

Having said that, after years trying to divine what my dogs needed, understanding what my baby wanted was a breeze. But, my dog was fully trained by the time he was one while my teen is just barely domesticated.

When I catsit for DMs cat I often say (to the cat) "Bitch, there's a reason I don't have children, I can't be doing with pandering to a tiny dictator and you are no different!"

I had no idea I was offending tired parents everywhere

The first few weeks with a puppy can be pretty intense (and yes I've had both puppies and babies).

But unless you're spectacularly unlucky with your dog's temperament, then it really is only a few weeks for a canine.

So if her puppy is under about 20 weeks and she's still up twice a night with it, then the sleep deprivation toll might not be so different. Plus there's coping with general neediness, and the different ability to cause havoc (human babies aren't self-propelling and cannot destroy things by chewing, or steal unsuitable food, or play in a bite-y sort of way).

But once past that point, it should be a whole world easier

So I suppose it's like comparing a 5k to a marathon. Both can be awful whilst you're doing them, but one is vastly shorter than the other!

If you really train that puppy, it is very constant and tiring. I see what she means. But no, baby humans are designed to have higher, more complex needs and require longer, more intense parenting in line with the more sophisticated brain development they eventually achieve. Baby primates survive because they're raised in communities of carers, simply because the job is so intense. This has allowed them to evolve in a more sophisticated way. Puppies, on the other hand, can be raised by one mother whose job is done at a relatively early stage. The dog training that is carried out by a human adult, while intense, is more about fitting them for the job they will do and less about keeping them alive and thriving. There are points of comparison (my parenting and dog training methods are fairly similar) but as tasks they don't really compare. However she will never know this and you don't need to compete over this. She thinks she can identify? Annoying but fine. You want her to acknowledge you have the harder job? Also kinda annoying to be honest. Don't allow this to spoil a friendship.

I've had a puppy, and a baby (soon to be two babies)

While puppies are hard work, I would say babies are definitely harder work and it's a complete different type of work too. Also the puppy training stage will go by fairly quickly, our babies will be dependant on us for so much longer.

I think it's generally true at a population level. Most puppies, newly separated from littermates and mother are very demanding in the first weeks in their new homes, and how you respond to them will make a huge difference to what your adult dog is like. The first home-coming can be very hard indeed, and even with a pretty compliant and quick-on-the-uptake puppy, you're easily looking at a few weeks of badly broken nights (you have to get right up and go outdoors). BUT, it should only be a matter of weeks.

Some babies, I've heard, are a breeze who sleep through from as early as six weeks, but on a population level, you are looking at a matter of months (and for one of mine, that was 18months)

So you might get lucky or unlucky with your baby or your puppy. But I'd say until they sleep reliably, the toll on the adults who care for them is extensive, regardless of number of legs or hairiness.

I don’t know why people compare. Yes a puppy is hard at first and I think can bring up similar feelings of fear, responsibility if you are used to your freedom. A puppy has lots of energy and gets into everything, chews everything etc etc. However it’s nothing like the feelings you get with a new baby. A baby is the most precious thing in the world to you and so so delicate, most new parents are looking after this tiny thing on very little sleep without a clue what they are doing, it’s terrifying. Then learning to feed, feeding every 3 hours 24/7, two of mjne then had to be winded for half an hour after each feed.
A puppy I think is more like a toddler who very quickly matures and becomes a ‘child’ then an adult. Most dogs calm by age 2 where as the baby is just getting started!
Also I don’t know many parents who leave their babies in a cage whilst they pop out for a couple of hours. And you definitely can’t just put some food in a bowl for you baby/child and leave them to it. Most trained dogs are happy to lie down in a pub, snooze a bit. Do you know many children who would do this? Then come the school years. Your life fully fully revolves around your baby/ child, forever! Whereas with a puppy you can quite quickly gain back some form of freedom, albeit with some changes. I’m not denying puppies are hard work, they are, and I wish people would put more thought into getting one. But it really doesn’t compare to a baby.

Because it isn’t true? My first were twins to be fair but I had to feed them round the clock every 3 hours, each ‘feeding session’ took two hours. So that’s one hour I had between each feed. 24/7. I couldn’t leave the house. I barely ate or slept for the first couple of months. Also the stress, the worry, they were tiny and delicate, and struggled to latch. My puppy was not that hard I can promise you!!
I’ve also had friends with singleton babies who have had colic, only slept on them and cried 24/7. I think telling them that a puppy is harder wouldn’t go down well.

It is true for some - for others, it isn’t.

Don’t hit me but first few days with a puppy truly can feel like looking after someone else’s toddler, especially if it is a first ever pup and all is unfamiliar territory.

I had a puppy before my Dd and it was so hard he cried all night destroyed everything he could get hold of if I left him alone even for minutes, house training took 4 years to fully master and he was an escape artist so I was always on edge , my DD was a good sleeper even as a newborn and I didn’t find it tiring until she was able to move around and needed constant supervision. I wouldn’t compare having a dog to having a child, the puppy phase passes quickly, but I’m sure your friend didn’t intend to upset you.