Shouting doesn’t seem to be a thing with MC parents?

[Cutest]

Currently on holiday in a very MC expensive resort. I’m doing a lot of people watching while bouncing youngest DC on my knee and pottering about. Very interesting that there are really no raised voices from parents at all.

I was raised in a WC household and went to eg caravan parks for family holidays, and very clearly remember a lot of shouting from all around, all the time. My mum was very shouty and seemed to relish in putting on a good show of loud threats and comedy insults. I have worked hard at not shouting at my young DC but admit I have to think about it and work at it, as my role modelling when young was the opposite.

Am I correct in that not raising voices in general is a middle class parenting thing? And is it conscious? Or because previous generations have also not been shouty?

I have only ever come across one very MC parent actually shouting at her child (as opposed to the exasperated raised voice "mum tone", which I both hear and use a lot). It was full on ranting and really quite unpleasant, but I know she was having relationship difficulties at the time and at the end of her tether with her child's quite challenging behaviour.

Most parents nowadays, however you'd categorise them, seem to do a great job of managing their children in a firm but nurturing manner. I personally think the quality of parenting is hugely improved nowadays from when I was a child, and shouting, hitting children and emotional blackmail were common. My own parents never hit us or shouted, but if we stepped out of line, my mother would start when we were back in the house/car with "I've never been so ashamed of you in all my life..."

Parenting has changed a lot in the last 20 years and it's known that shouting at your kids isn't a good idea anymore.

I come from a MC family and I was shouted at as a child, because that is how you parented back then.

Things have changed (for the better).

But put people in a Butlins and they will immediately start bawling their heads off?

Your logic makes no sense.

Haha yes this is it

Seems that when most people refer to “shouting” at children they mean verbally disparaging them in a loud voice not raising the volume of their voice to be heard in a dangerous or noisy situation.

from this thread I gather that it’s ok to loudly verbally warn your kid not to run in the road for people of all classes (but maybe not in parts of London) and that this isn’t considered “shouting at your child” even if you are actually literally shouting at your child

wc people/ people at butlins “shout” at their children in public- as in they tell them off for being naughty in voice that can be heard by others around them but might not actually involve the physical act of shouting - this is not ok and bad parenting

mc people/people at fancy restaurants don’t “shout” at their children in public - they either don’t tell them off for being naughty or do so in a quiet voice where others can’t hear. This does definitely not include the physical act of shouting. they may or may not loudly tell their children off in private. this is ok and good parenting

This.

That’s hysterical! 🤣🤣🤣

A lot of MC parents can't tell their children off at all! I'd say they don't shout enough!

I can tell you that through my work that MC and UC parents absolutely do shout at their children.

And humiliate them...

And bully them ...

And physically and emotionally neglect their children.

Shouting at children is not a class thing.

Me and my 4 siblings weren't brought up in a shouting family and hubby and I also don't bow bring up our 4 in a shouting family either. You can talk and have fun without yelling lol

Agree with @TheHandmaiden

Shouting outdoors (and socialising outdoors til all hours)/ playing music/ revving loud cars or bikes all tend to be areas of massive conflict between new arrivals and long-time residents when areas become gentrified.

I've never been particularly shouty mother. But when I have been under a lot of stress, I definitely have less tolerance for my children and I don't parent as well.

I would not be surprised if people who aren't worried about money have the capacity to be more patient parents.

I don't think they are better, they just have it easier.

when I was young my wc family were not shouty. Today my own Mc family are not shouty. I know lots of shouty MC families however.

I've never shouted at my DC. It's nothing to do with 'putting on a show' and being afraid of being seen as 'common'; it's basic human decency. I don't shout because I respect my DC. I don't shout at my colleagues or my friends, or people in society - why would I shout at someone small who is learning about the world and relying on me for everything?
We're MC; I had a very privileged upbringing - read into any of that whatever you like.

I never needed to shout at my DC on holiday because they were kept very busy and exhausted during kids club activities or swimming with me or on trips

Nothing an ice cream or Fanta can't solve

I do remember quite vividly a lot of slapping going on from French parents during our visit to Disneyland Paris 10 years ago

That's stayed with me as being quite shocking to see in public

While I agree with your point about respect, I do think it is completely different with friends and colleagues.

You're not responsible for your friends and colleagues, they don't hit you, they (hopefully) don't wind you up, they don't lie on the ground screaming and refusing to move. They don't push or hit their siblings or other people and, even if they did, it's not your problem. You're not responsible for ensuring their safety or wellbeing.

With your children, you do have to secure their compliance in a way you don't have to do with other people. Although I don't agree with shouting as a day-to-day parenting technique and don't agree with hitting or otherwise physically punishing children under any circumstances whatsoever, the argument "you wouldn't do it to anyone else so why would you do it to your child?" doesn't make sense to me. Ultimately I can walk away from anyone else behaving unacceptably to me - I don't have to put up with it. Clearly, I can't do that with my children... I have to resolve the situation somehow.

Why should parents be routinely shouting at their kids?

Shouting achieves nothing and is antisocial when done in public.

I am fairly sure other holiday makers don't want to have to listen to noisy parents who don't know how to manage their kids without raising their voice...

I would say shouting is only useful if you kid is about to put themselves in danger (cross the road without looking) and you need to urgently grab their attention.

Beyond that most reasonable parents use other ways to deal with their kids. Class is not really the issue here. It is more about emotional intelligence and knowing how to manage your own anger/stress/emotions.

I don't think it's a class thing. I think you're in a nice resort and people are sensible enough not to shout at their children in front of everyone in a nice resort.
I also think understanding of young children's behaviour has changed.

Fwiw I was raised 'MC' and was shouted at daily

I am MC and have shouted at dd about three times in 11 years - once was when she crossed the road without looking, another when she nearly slammed her fingers in the car door and the other, well l can't remember now but usually if she is in imminent danger.

DH very WC and is very shouty - he is slowly learning it is pointless.

So yes l would say so OP

My parents are working class and never shouted

I could have written this. Have never shouted at my children, not once, and never felt the urge to shout. I don't really see the point of it- it doesn't seem very effective as a way of communicating with children, it seems unkind and frightening. And I've never lost my temper so it simply wouldn't happen. I'm not sure I've ever lost my temper or shouted at anyone (other than my brother when we were both small children).

I also don't really know anyone who shouts, although I suppose things may be different behind closed doors.

This.