Shouting doesn’t seem to be a thing with MC parents?

[Cutest]

Currently on holiday in a very MC expensive resort. I’m doing a lot of people watching while bouncing youngest DC on my knee and pottering about. Very interesting that there are really no raised voices from parents at all.

I was raised in a WC household and went to eg caravan parks for family holidays, and very clearly remember a lot of shouting from all around, all the time. My mum was very shouty and seemed to relish in putting on a good show of loud threats and comedy insults. I have worked hard at not shouting at my young DC but admit I have to think about it and work at it, as my role modelling when young was the opposite.

Am I correct in that not raising voices in general is a middle class parenting thing? And is it conscious? Or because previous generations have also not been shouty?

Shouting in public at anyone, let alone children is a strong class marker.

Shouting is aggressive. It says "do you want a fight?" and it's a last resort unless someone is doing something so dangerous that you need their attention that minute.

Just shouting at your kids guarantees they will tune you out.

I think this is essentially it @TheHandmaiden 🤷‍♀️

I think there's nuance personally. Im also not English & there are plenty of cultures that raise their voice at dc but aren't particularly concerned about what that says about their class...

Growing up if one of our aunties or someone else's parent shouted at us I wouldn't see it as aggressive behaviour at all. To me aggression is not just the volume of your voice but the tone & body language & of course the actual words.

do people mean shouting because they can’t be heard otherwise or shouting to be mean? I’m MC but my mum was WC

shouting becuase you need your child to stop whatever they are doing right now (running into the road, riding there bike off a cliff, drowning their sister in the pool, about to touch a hot stove) and if you’re not loud they won’t hear you across the road/pool etc I would have thought was normal and good parenting “stop that now it’s dangerous” - not helicoptering next to the kid but not letting them come to harm. I shout like this at my kid often - she adventous but seems to miss any self preservation instinct! My mum did this to me all the time - I remember being shouted at from the kitchen window not to drive my bike down a flight of steps by the street - too late and broken arm later. Or maybe very posh kids don’t do any of that stuff or worse all ways have an adult right next to them or just spend their time on devices and so don’t ever have the chance to explore.

shouting like loud volume meant to intimidate and scare “why did you do that you horrid little child” when there is no need to raise volume to be heard I don’t think I’ve heard this at all aimed at children in a very long time, it’s bad parenting whatever class you are

Alright, I'll nuance it a bit. Most English people do not like loud people, and think that loud people are annoying and dickish.

Shouting in public in England is, unless a police officer or something is positively dangerous, a really good way to say "I am an antisocial dick".

@Qazwsxefv I'm confused too but apparently anything loud is bad and hated by the English! Thank god I'm a Londoner!

Shouting in public in England is, unless a police officer or something is positively dangerous

positively dangerous?! You didn't grow up in Hackney did you? 😆

English people need to grow up and get over themselves then.

I live in London and have my whole life. Shouty people are dickheads. The default is quiet. You see it on the tube, the park, the street, everywhere.

Yes there are plenty of loud self centered dickheads who want you to know how important they are and have zero volume control. Most Londoners are plenty aware being loud is not liked, much like wearing a backpack on the tube is a pita etc.

It's just I'll mannered.

If my friends were anything to go by, some MC wouldn't dream of shouting in public but they would win awards for guilt tripping, passive aggression, evil looks and/or would shout behind closed doors whilst pretending to be the perfect MC family.

On the whole I think fewer people shout at children because it's not as generally accepted. I don't think whether someone shouts or not is a class thing and the "but we took you to stately homes" thread shows how many people are damaged by some MC households.

Can’t stand shouty people full stop. But one of the most shouty people I’ve ever known was also the poshest. Totally middle class, very well spoken, typically Mumsnet-posh Mum of boy in my sons class. We spent the day with her and she spent the entire time more or less shouting her head off at her poor child. My son and I actually felt really uncomfortable and I ended up saying something anonymously to the school because I was worried about the way she spoke to him. So no it’s not just working class people. Bad parenting knows no class divides.

@TheHandmaiden what are you going on about?! You're a born & raised Londoner & having never been around other cultures where a quick shout at a child to look out or slow down is completely normal? How? Are you a zone 6 person? Also why are you equating someone who shouts occasionally with loud & obnoxious people. As someone who lives in Wandsworth there are a ton of mc people that fit that mould!!!

You sound a bit aggressive tbh 😆

Before someone says "it sounds like you don't like your friends that much", I'm not commenting on my friends' parenting. It's their experiences as children and teens I'm talking about.

I think it's generational. My parents age it was accepted that you shouted, these days I think it's unusual to hear people shouting at their kids in public - behind closed door is a different matter tho

I've lived in zone 1 to zone 3. Yelling or making a show of yourself in public unless your kid is literally about to go under a bus is dickish. Don't tell me that it's a cultural thing. It's a dickhead thing

Aren't you fancy?

Seriously, if you doubt me, why isn't London just full of people with zero volume control, expressing themselves at top volume?

I mean, according to some, it's completely common. And yet, it seems pretty quiet and pretty well mannered to me. The shouters stick out, that's the point.

Again I'm not sure why a raised voice telling a child to be careful equals yelling and making a show of yourself or is being a dickhead.
As I said you seem pretty aggressive, I hope tmw is a better day & brings you some peace!

I think shouting at your kids makes you look like you have no self control, and not like you are a good parent. Much like PP said earlier, low emotional intelligence. I know that's how I've felt about myself after one of the very few times I've shouted at my kids. That I've lost control of myself/the situation and I need to do better. Shouting to keep them safe is not really shouting... more projecting your voice for safely reasons.

I enjoyed this story but it would have been funnier if it had been Waitrose.

That's so funny, what a character!! Mine is still a bit young to call my bluff on it but I'm sure he has the measure of me already, just like yours!!

Sorry but that did make me laugh! I never shouted at my 3 year old either. My 8 and 12 year old on the other hand....

Essentially this. It’s easy to have harmony on holiday when there’s no time pressure. When the kids are eating breakfast at a snails over, suddenly remember they have homework and still don’t have shoes on when everyone should have been out the door 15 minutes ago - it’s completely different.