Shouting doesn’t seem to be a thing with MC parents?

[Cutest]

Currently on holiday in a very MC expensive resort. I’m doing a lot of people watching while bouncing youngest DC on my knee and pottering about. Very interesting that there are really no raised voices from parents at all.

I was raised in a WC household and went to eg caravan parks for family holidays, and very clearly remember a lot of shouting from all around, all the time. My mum was very shouty and seemed to relish in putting on a good show of loud threats and comedy insults. I have worked hard at not shouting at my young DC but admit I have to think about it and work at it, as my role modelling when young was the opposite.

Am I correct in that not raising voices in general is a middle class parenting thing? And is it conscious? Or because previous generations have also not been shouty?

I find that middle class people tend to me masters in the art of passive aggression. So no shouting, but my god you'll know if they're peeved with you

I'm pretty solidly middle class and I shout at my DC. Not all the time but it definitely happens. I do try to do it less in public and it's always an escalation or if they are in danger. But I agree with pp - you rarely hear anyone shout at kids in public now. We did pass a mum shouting at her kids incredibly viciously the other day and it really gave mine a shock - i don't think they had even really realised people could talk to each other like that. I felt awful for her kids.

Perhaps they are all having a nice time and don't need to shout?

I know lots of MC parents that shout (and some that smack)... but I think they are more able to have separate behaviours for private and public places (e.g. larger houses, no near neighbours). It is also true that they have more resources e.g. can afford more childcare so that they are less likely to become disregulated. I know several middle class mothers who never shout... but literally walk away from their child and let someone else deal with it (and in one case literally send them to family in another country rather than have to deal with them).

Same here.

But I am wondering what the OP and others mean by shouting? Do you mean using a raised and stern voice to communicate that you are serious and staring to become irritated by a behaviour/or the child is doing something dangerous and needs to stop immediately - or do you mean loudly and aggressively berating a child in an overbearing, finger wagging, belittling way - maybe swearing at or insulting the child? To me those things are very different.

Yeah I didn't shout but honestly if their behaviour was bad I had no issue marching them out of the place and taking them home for a stern word.

I'm MC and I don't shout at my dc. I do raise my voice, or lower the tone of my voice and dc knows when I'm serious. My dc11 is generally a happy, compliant child and honestly times when I've had to are few and far between. When I observe my friends with their (younger) dc even when they're being little shits a softly softly approach is taken which makes the situation go on and on instead of being a bit more stern and nipping in the bud. When I was younger I'd have got a clip around the ear!

I've never shouted at my three year old ever. But that's a parenting choice I've made and isn't because I happen to be middle class.

I must get an early night. Thought this was a thread about dps in a fast food place....

They're just more bothered about appearances and not making a scene like a 'plebion'. They do it when no one can hear them.

Wonderful

I try not to shout at my dc and do the positive reinforcement thing

some good food for thought in these comments, thanks

and it wasn’t meant to be goady re class, I’m obviously not from this background myself which I thought was clear from my OP

@planthelpadvice on reflection it wasn’t actually just the berating-style but just the general volume. No one is shouting even in a non-negative way - like to call them over, shouting to be heard over general child noise etc etc

its actually making me feel pretty bad as a parent and self conscious, as I can see I’m not naturally like this and the families all seem more calm and harmonious. Even just shouting them to come over/come back /don’t touch etc seems to be done in a quiet and discreet way - who knows how.

parents also being openly affectionate and nice to each other quite a lot. Not bickering (or again not in public anyway). Not at all what I’ve been used to.

I should add this is our first holiday with DC. My experience so far of family holidays was as a child really, I don’t have younger family members and have been on very non child friendly holidays up until now , so not really been exposed to it

I didn’t grow up MC but I’d guess it’s this.

Also my friends who had MC families growing up didn’t really get shouted at, but there were other types of issues like cold parenting, lots of pressure, emotionally absent parents etc.

People shouldn’t shout at other people, or hit them or threaten them.

I'm always shouting at my dc; come downstairs and eat your dinner. come upstairs & tidy your bedroom. I had the same as a dc, perhaps I'm damaged!

I also see plenty of dc acting like loons who could do with a shout or just some intervention!

Both dh and I were raised wc.
My parents shouted constantly.
His parents never shouted.
I know this because he has a much younger sister. His dm was firm and calm.
My dm was, and is, emotionally immature.

I learned my parenting skills from my mc friends when I had ds. They never shouted in my hearing.
I still shouted occasionally but nothing like my dm.

I'm not saying that all
Middle class parents do coke, but I do agree with a comment above about its use.

However, I am the same as you OP, working class background and married into what I would call "posh" and definitely agree. Currently on holiday- just at a eurocamp and there is a stark difference !

my DM says this! Thing is, the more I think about it, whenever I’m with my mum or on the phone to her with the DC I start slipping into it - on reflection it’s almost performative. She also tells my little boy off even when I’m right there, then is off with me if I pull her up about it. It really prickles me and she maybe thinks this, but I just find it very inappropriate

@Dedodee this is exactly it - emotional maturity

I feel I have to work very hard at it tbh and feel my own DM is in some ways like a child in the lack of regulation

This was meant to be quoting @frankgu

I don’t shout at my kids. My mum shouted all the time when we were growing up and I was terrified of her for much of my childhood!
I was so determined to not be like that with my children and we are very close. Shouting at them just encourages them to shout back and see shouting at someone as an acceptable form of controlling what they want. And the shouting just gets louder too.
I’m not MC!!!

Meh I was raised MC (or aspirations of) and there definitely was shouting, and abuse and beatings. Just indoors and a common refrain I heard a lot was "what would the neighbours think" or "the windows are open, the neighbours will hear you".

Also I was told off if I shouted for them from outside like the other kids because it was common.

I would t say just because someone doesn't shout at their dc they have emotional maturity. I always remember one of my friends mum who used to proper ignore her/freeze her out as punishment which really upset her.