A very touchy issue but .... smacking - your views?

[lollipopmother]

I've only just found this 'parenting' forum and I've already fallen upon so many posts where a parent feels really remorseful at smacking their children, and I've seen a fair few on their high-horse about it too. I haven't yet got a child, but I just wonder whether you really can get through everything just by having a star chart!

I only say this because it wasn't that long ago that smacking your kids was no deal at all, and people could see the difference between a smacked bum as a lesson and regular or irregular but severe beatings. My mother smacked me every now and again, not out of anger but because she had done everything else and I was still screaming in her face (for instance!). It didn't even hurt that much it was just the shock, but I knew i'd overstepped the mark when I got a smack when nothing else would do it.

So, does all this Supernanny stuff really work? I am not at any point saying that I'll smack my kids (before you all start trying to burn me at the stake), but I just wonder with the uprise of the youth-culture and links to behavioural issues and crime, does Supernanny time outs and star charts really do what it says on the tin? Do you feel that they work, or is this just the only option you have now that you're instantly labelled an abuser if you smack your child's bottom?

not again...

Oh, and I ask this because I'm thinking of getting some parenting books in early seeing as you seem to need to get a grip of the psychology of a child early for it to work without any dramas.

OMG is all I can say. Just don't go there....(budge up mmj)

You know you can believe in no smacking and also not watch supernanny or agree with her methods.

Raising and disciplining a child is far more complex than using a star chart. A star chart is of course uneffective in itself, it is all the other stuff that goes on around it that enables it to work.

It also possible to raise a child without ever having read a book. All the books in the world wont stopa two year old having a huge tantrum in a shop because she wants a £100 pink piece of plastic.

I swore I would never smack my son. He is now 3 yrs old and I have smacked his bum a few times out of extreme shock/fear (when he ran away from me and out into the road; when he ran away in a shopping centre and thought it was funny to hide..). It was a completely instinctive response to being given a huge fright, and I wanted to show him that I was really, incredibly upset with him and that what he had done was very serious). It 'worked' because I don't usually smack him, so he knew he had done something really unacceptable. I don't regret smacking him on these occasions. There have been a handful of other occasions when I have smacked him for being really cheeky - throwing a plate of food on the floor deliberately comes to mind - and I do regret smacking him on those occasions. I did it out of pure anger, and I don't think that's a good reason to physically hurt a child. I feel ashamed of it, to be honest. I still believe that on the whole, smacking is inappropriate and, frankly, wrong. There are better ways of dealing with things. We are all human, though, so I don't judge too harshly.

Sorry for that confused ramble!

Uhh ohh, has this already been done before by any chance?! Am I going to be run out of town (already thinking of new names I could use!!).

oh lollipop, this could get heated!

I firmly, firmly believe in monkey see, monkey do.

all children are different
all parents are different
its difficult being a 2 yr old and not being able to express how you feel
its difficult be a stressed anxious tired lonely mother

supernanny is shite imo
smacking achieves nothing

i have found ways to discipline my children that doesnt involve either of the above

we should all support each other

what a massive subject this is!

jornalist?

I cannot see any benefit in smacking a child. However, I can understand why people do it when at teh end of their tether. A planned smack is totally different imo.

Yes, I did wonder journalist too.

Yes but at least you can spell it

A good smacking debate never hurt anyone

I can't really see how it enforces good behaviour either, you say 'don't hit your sister' or some such similar and then do it yourself when you're at the end of your teather.

Oh and I just giggled at journalist - I'm a (very tired) secretary on MN for a bit of advice before I pop my sprog and just concerned at how to know how to discapline my child when it comes along, I just feel like it's so 'hippy', for want of a better word, and I would just like to know if it really works before I shell out a fortune on books (I don't believe for a second that parenting just comes naturally and everyone instantly knows what they're doing!).

Well, I think you'll find lots of people manage to do it across the world without books.

I would have thought that the subject went nicely under parenting, should I have put it elsewhere as I'm sure I can ask it to be moved.

I also wouldnt be worrying about this anyway for a long time yet if you havent got any children.

salted for me please

I only say this because it wasn't that long ago that smacking your kids was no deal at all,

there was also a time when sending your 9 year old down a pit or into a factory was seen as fine and dandy.

thankfully as a civilised society we have moved on.

that being said i am not anti smacking as a form of reasoned and well planned discipline. but sadly it is very rarely used in such a way. more often it is a form of adult frustration.