A very touchy issue but .... smacking - your views?

[lollipopmother]

I've only just found this 'parenting' forum and I've already fallen upon so many posts where a parent feels really remorseful at smacking their children, and I've seen a fair few on their high-horse about it too. I haven't yet got a child, but I just wonder whether you really can get through everything just by having a star chart!

I only say this because it wasn't that long ago that smacking your kids was no deal at all, and people could see the difference between a smacked bum as a lesson and regular or irregular but severe beatings. My mother smacked me every now and again, not out of anger but because she had done everything else and I was still screaming in her face (for instance!). It didn't even hurt that much it was just the shock, but I knew i'd overstepped the mark when I got a smack when nothing else would do it.

So, does all this Supernanny stuff really work? I am not at any point saying that I'll smack my kids (before you all start trying to burn me at the stake), but I just wonder with the uprise of the youth-culture and links to behavioural issues and crime, does Supernanny time outs and star charts really do what it says on the tin? Do you feel that they work, or is this just the only option you have now that you're instantly labelled an abuser if you smack your child's bottom?

Smacksy on the jacksy?

Child-guru Little Rabbit says

A tap on the bum never hurt no-one

YUMMY MUMS SMACK BUMS!

Or how about

Smack my kids up

Trendy child guru Little Rabbit says smacking is the latest fashion.

"Sometimes a mild slap on the bum is the only way to get things done"

Little Rabbit's inspired millions of mums to get back to basics.

Move over Jamie, there's a new craze in school

It's the last vestige of the inadequate parent.

[innocent look]

Oh I like slap-dash parents

Hunker, I don't think that would qualify for a headline in the Sun. The Times maybe, but not the Sun.

Are yours getting their 5 slaps a day?

I agree with everything nailpolish said. youhave to find a method that suits you and your child.
you have to find reserves of kindness and patience from somewhere
smacking isn't the only form of discipline
supernanny isn't the only other alternative.
you have to make your own way, and no doubt make a few mistakes on the way.
fwiw I made a pact with dh never to smack our children and I have found that is a good way to stick to it.
and fwiw I don't think hitting is an intelligent or a good solution to any problem or issue.

A SMACK IN TIME SAVES NINE

PMSL@Quattro.

Smackety Smack - Don't Talk Back!

Oh I like that one too - it sounds wonderful

Cruder but still possible -

OUT WITH SUPERNANNY -IN WITH SUPERSMACKING

Nanny Whack!

By RubySlippers on Mon 18-Feb-08 17:41:23
Lollipop - why is this the issue that is niggling away at you?

Ruby - I worry that I'm going to give birth to a walking ASBO and how I'll feel so ashamed to find that it's my kid hanging around on street corners terrorising the neighbours! Before you wonder whether i'm a 13 year old council estate kid that's up the duff after a night on the raz in the back of a Ford Escort, I'm not! But I just feel very out of my depth when it comes to the thought of parenting, it's really freaking me out wondering whether I'll be a good mum and how on earth i'm suppose to know what the hell i'm doing!! And I read all the threads in the development forum that shows just trying kids can be and all the advice that people give just freaks me out more because I wonder how they got to know that in the first place, have they read all that in a book or been told by someone, or do they just know it (and will I, when the time comes).

Just how trying kids can be, tsk, my editor would be spanking my bum if he could see this!

erm, i wasn;t trying to suggest you were a 13 year old council estate kid - i was genuinley interested why you were worrying about this issue before you had children

Before i had DS i wasn't worried about discipline - just how much labour would hurt

i think all parents worry about the things you mention - feeling out of your depth is normal too.

Children can be trying - they can also be wonderful and joyous - stop thinking about negatives and "what ifs" IMO

Oh no I wasn't suggesting you thought I was 13 etc, I just think that mentioning an asbo makes people think that you're from the slums or something!

Quattrocento on Mon 18-Feb-08 17:39:57
" "does Supernanny time outs and star charts really do what it says on the tin?"

Also the metaphors are a bit muddled. Not mixed, just muddled. I mean you can put a star chart in a tin if you roll it up very small, but I don't think you can put a time-out in a tin. "

Well, if you put the child in the tin...wouldn't that count as time out?

LOL at Cory amd Northern Lurker

Sorry late back to this thread. Pity. I might've tried tinning one of the DCs tonight.

I just thought that 'does what it says on the tin' was actually taken from the advert to say 'does it do what it's supposed to?' Must get better at English before starting another topic.

Sorry Lollipop I think my post sounds more catty than funny now. Yes, does what it says on the tin is fine.

Quattrocento - don't worry, it was my fault, I mentioned the S word so I shouldn't have expected people to have a favourable reaction, and people just think I'm a weirdo to be worrying so early on about how good/bad a parent I might be. Live and learn as they say, I shan't lock myself in my room at you lot taking the mick!

To get back to the serious question, smacking has actually been banned in Sweden at least for several decades. This has not led to any very remarkable changes in behaviour in the younger generation.
But it is difficult for me to know how the actual ban has worked, since most Swedish parents I knew weren't smacking before the ban either. My impression, from the families I know, is of very confident firm parents whose children are on the whole well behaved.

But then I have known very well adjusted children (in the UK) whose parents have smacked when they were little.

To me, the most important question is not 'do you smack or not?'. More important are:

can you show your children love?

have you got common sense?

can you control your own temper?

are you prepared to model the behaviour you want from your children?

have you got the firmness to carry on insisting on important family rules even if it makes your own life inconvenient?

if there are two parents involved, can you cooperate?

are you prepared to keep a sense of proportion in the face of minor misdemeanours?

are you strong enough not to expect your children to mother you?

can you forget and forgive?

If the answer to these questions are predominantly yes, then it probably doesn't matter which parenting method you follow.

Cory that is such a good list, and I agree with you with all that you wrote. There is so much more to parenting than whether you smack or not. I don't ever want to smack, and I hope that I don't, but I don't believe that's all you need to accomplish to become a 'good parent'.