Am I doing something wrong, or is this about normal?

[Honeyjamwithbread]

Toddler DS (now aged 2 and a half) will not sit at the table. He climbs across it, he ducks under it and escapes that way, he runs off, he’s here, there, everywhere, but sitting at the table and eating a meal is not happening (except at nursery.)

Since he was able to walk he’s been able to escape from high chairs so forcing him into one doesn’t work, and plus he hates them (always has) so just gets increasingly distressed. I can’t obviously chain him to the table but I’m at a bit of a loss as to what I should be doing about this? Or should I just leave it?

If you want him to sit at the table, what sanctions do you put in place when he refuses?

Normal- you can get a chair seat- like a cushion and a buckle to chain them to chairs

Nobody should be chaining any child to a chair. That’s not healthy at all.

I don't think I'd try to make him, he'll act up more. If he wants to eat he sits at the table, else he doesn't get to eat. Those are the two choices.

I genuinely have no idea what sanctions I can or could put in place at this age. I’m not totally sure he’d make the link between missing an activity or losing a toy and I don’t think there’s anything he’s so attached to that he would be upset about and therefore compliant anyway!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers he does have a booster seat but he can also escape from them, or rather as soon as he realises he is ‘stuck’ he gets very distressed and contorts himself into weird and wonderful positions, yelling and fighting it. It’s why I long ago gave up on any sort of high chair or similar, he just seems to hate them. But then won’t sit ‘normally.’

He just doesn’t eat if you do that, honestly, @NotCopingWell1

I still do feed him a lot of the time as otherwise he just doesn’t eat. When you give him the food on a spoon or fork he will eat quite a lot, and a range of healthy things, but it’s as if he just doesn’t want to stop so that he has to actually eat.

I used to think you can bribe or parent better but my one year old is a nightmare with stuff like this and I've stopped going out for meals with him.

Well obviously it’s not chaining- same way you don’t chain your baby to a buggy- get a grip

At 2 and a half?!

@Beachywave tell me about it … no one told me toddlers give no fucks whatsoever 😅

Tbh OP I wouldn’t worry, keep enforcing that “we sit at the table” and showing the behaviour you want, praise when he does sit- he’ll settle- he’s still a toddler with a brain going at a million miles an hour; they want to explore!

This.

Laughing at 'sanctions' at 2.5. Freeze his assets perhaps?

I just let them get up and down for this phase. They calmed down and learnt to sit in time.

Well if it happens 2 times a day, with a calm, no nonsense approach, and he is praised for eating, and it is made clear to him he isn't getting out until he has finished, he would most likely get used to it. By this age, he would be used to it, if it has been happening 3 times a day.

You shouldn’t be trying to contain a child where it isn’t necessary.

A pushchair, like a car seat, has straps for safety. There is no need to strap a child in to eat.

Isn't there a choking risk if a child's running around eating?

OP - honestly I'd try bribery. Get a small treat. Could be a chocolate button if you're desperate, or some stickers if he likes stickers. If he can sit at the table for a certain amount of time (start small, two minutes is a win, and let him see the timer running down if you can), he can have the treat. As the days go by, the length of time gets longer until he has to sit through the meal to get it. That would probably (who knows, she's a toddler) work with my DD of the same age.

Using bribes around food/eating is known to cause unhealthy eating behaviour.

This is bad advice.

I wouldn’t stress so much about it op , maybe get him his own small table and chair like a toddlers one he may like sitting at that . Then as he gets older get him to start sitting at the table that’s what I use to do with mine

I used a small side table and a child's plastic chair she could get up and leave but the food stayed on the table and the whole lot was removed after a time there was no running with food you sat and ate or left

I also used a little chair and side table.

I’d just be consistent that food is eaten 3 x per day at the table, nowhere else. You can’t make him sit so try and swing it so that he chooses to sit. If I was confident there weren’t any emerging other needs, I wouldn’t offer food anywhere but the table. It will just reinforce the idea that the table is optional. Model the behaviour and sit and eat when you expect him to eat. Good luck!

Haven't got any real advice other than I let mine watch the iPad while he eats but solidarity OP - I'm pretty sure it's normal for a toddler

I wouldn't bribe for eating but for sitting at the table. They're different issues. (I assume, otherwise OP's child would currently be starving.)

@110APiccadilly the problem is there’s nothing he’s really too bothered about. There are some foods he quite likes but not in the sense he’d care enough to sit for ten minutes for!

i really wish I could confidently say he would eat at the table if it had been in place from the start but I’m not sure at all. His eating used to be very poor, it is much better now but very much not at the table.

When my two were that tiny we had one long room with the sitting room at one end and dining table at the other. We got a little IKEA table and chairs and let them sit in front of the TV and watch it. They ate much better than if we'd strapped them down at the big table. They're 10 and 7 now and happy to sit to eat a full meal at a proper table without TV.