Am I doing something wrong, or is this about normal?

[Honeyjamwithbread]

Toddler DS (now aged 2 and a half) will not sit at the table. He climbs across it, he ducks under it and escapes that way, he runs off, he’s here, there, everywhere, but sitting at the table and eating a meal is not happening (except at nursery.)

Since he was able to walk he’s been able to escape from high chairs so forcing him into one doesn’t work, and plus he hates them (always has) so just gets increasingly distressed. I can’t obviously chain him to the table but I’m at a bit of a loss as to what I should be doing about this? Or should I just leave it?

He’s got a little table and chairs but same problem , just keeps getting up.

I do TV food too, it feels really bad but I’m stumped as to how else to deal with it.

Normal! We ate lots of picnics in the garden or on the floor when mine were toddlers. When they were a little bit older we'd play snap or the like at the kitchen table but it still never held their interest long.
My oldest has ASD and hates eating, so now we mostly eat in front of the TV which I swore I would NEVER allow 🙄 but all 3 of my kids have perfectly fine table manners in restaurants and at other people's homes so I don't think I've broken them for life.
Just don't make mealtimes a battle, it's not worth it for misery 3 x per day.

Thing is though, you say he will sit at a table and eat at nursery. They don’t have the man power or time to chase a toddler round trying to get spoonfuls of food into them on the move. At DS’ nursery it’s sit and eat with everyone else or go hungry. I’d mimic this approach at home. You can implement a boundary that food is eaten at the table without shouting or taking away toys or any of that stuff.

I think it is more the other children, he is similar if we are out with friends. But then if other children get down then he does as well.

He also naps like a dream at nursery and fights it at home, I think they have magic potions at times!

It’s fine if he gets down. He should be given autonomy to decide when he’s finished eating. But I still wouldn’t then offer food continuously while he’s running around. If he’s down he’s done eating, no fight about it.

i think they all have a phase doing this. Continue to sit at the table yourself and make sure he’s actually hungry at mealtimes (is he having too many snacks) I imagine it will right itself. Neither of mine sat in a highchair past 18m - which wasn’t down to my preference.

😂👏

Do they nap on a mattress on the floor? Mine preferred a free flow nap time rather than a cot or bed

He isn’t much of a snacker at all, to be fair to him. He does eat proper meals … just not at the table

We’ve been through all these phases OP.

Only eating at the table didn’t work for us, DC wasn’t that fussed by food so wouldn’t eat much.

she ate all meals in front of cartoons for a long time, at least year or so?

i also fed her. They pick it up eventually. I still feed both the DC if they need it (now aged 9 and 4yrs - judge away mumsnet!)

but I know my kids. Sometimes they are just to tired or over hungry or emotional to deal with the admin themselves.

it’s rare for the nine year old now, it’s fading away.

it’s really fine. No one points at adults and goes ‘ooo I bet they were eating independently early’

we also still do ‘running dinners’ for our younger one if needed. Or cartoons at the table or dinner in front of the tv. Manage ‘family meals’ all together at the table a couple of times a week. That’s good enough.

and we’ve had the phases (after the all meals eaten in front of cebbies or YouTube) where ‘sitting in the chair and eating nicely’ lasted 10 mins, tops

our local pub love us. We’re in and out for a weekend lunch in under 45 mins 😂

You could tell him that if he doesn't sit on a chair like a big boy, he will have to go back to a baby highchair and be harnessed in to it.

Normal

They'll stop around aged 5

Is he hungry?
is he comfortable?

Just a thought - what does the nursery have that you don’t in your home? Would it be too far a stretch to suggest a table and chair that fits the child, rather than a tall, big persons table and chair? If in doubt, ask the nursery what setting/furniture your child uses when with them? It may give you the answer that you need.

Totally normal. I still feed mine at almost 5. Otherwise he would not eat. Apparently my cousins (now 35) only managed to sit at the table at 7! They're perfectly well mannered now. Don't worry about it.

And if he chooses not to eat? He will get hungry later, so this is not in anyone's best interests.

Mine usually always chooses to eat. If she goes off to do something or faff she comes back to the table for round two usually.

If she did not, I would still say it's at the table or nothing. And then for the next meal I'd have a floor picnic or similar so she got some food in but it would be me saying let's not eat at the table, not her wanting to run around with a plate.

I've always been very much a 'you sit down if you are eating' mum, not just for choking, but because I have dogs and if you waft food around you run the risk of losing it.

But that’s still getting up and down from the table - not being pedantic, genuine type question.

I suppose he eats well and a good variety, it would be nice if he stayed still for ten seconds, though.

Could you give him something he enjoys doing at the table ten mins before dinner- play dough, drawing etc. then just put the food down with no comment?
My son never wants to sit at the table but we all sit there making OTT yummy noises and making it look like he’s missing out while completely ignoring him and making sure he has nothing more fun to do. He always comes over eventually.
Sounds like you need to set your boundaries and stick to them, if you’re happy with TV meals then do that, but you can’t one day change the rules and expect him to roll with it.

I think the problem is the only things he wants to do are active. I can contain him (sort of) with toys and so on but it’s very fleeting.

I suppose I’m just genuinely wondering as I saw a thread where sitting at the table was a ‘non negotiable boundary’ even if the child didn’t eat and I thought ‘but how!’

well, its up to you to make him, really - if you dont put the effort into disciplining him, he wont be disciplined, it is as simple as that. Just dont give him the choice of standing up.

We’re talking at cross purposes though. No one has told me what this discipline looks like, how you make a child this age follow an instruction. I don’t want that to sound arsey, I mean it very genuinely. What sort of discipline would you say would work? I would gladly put in the effort but I’m a bit lost as to what I should actually do.

The word discipline doesn’t sit right with me at 2 years old but you can strap him in a chair and ride out the storm, you can distract him and ignore the unwanted behaviour, you can give them the perceived power- ‘do you want to sit in this chair or that one? Red fork or blue?’ You can turn off the TV. If you want to. If sitting at the table isn’t that important to you then you can chose not to make him. Don’t measure yourself by other’s standards, choose your own boundaries then stick to them.

I think the difficulty with strapping him down is that he really can get out of most booster seat / high chair things. If I was to physically prevent him, he would become very distressed and I’d get the arched back we all know and love (!) and there’s no way he’d eat. He’s always hated high chairs.

Giving choices is a brilliant technique generally I’d say but it doesn’t seem to work for us. He just ignores or says no. So if you say do you want an apple or a banana he will just latch on to the last thing you said and say no ‘no nana’ or whatever it was.

It could be I’ve got an exceptionally table resistant child. I guess I’m just seeking reassurance as most of the things I see relating to Toddler behaviour just don’t seem to work for us.

He's just an active little boy. My son would eat all his meals standing up if I let him.

Just be a bit flexible and relax a bit.

No to restraints for a 2.5 year old, no to bribes around food, and no to "no food unless you eat at table".

Just be patient and flexible. Finger food / sandwiches that you can put at his toddler table and he can come back to is always good.

It will pass eventually