What do people do for childcare if they've no family help?

[Mustardandchickensandwiches]

Feeling exhausted so be gentle. DC 10 and 6

Desperate for a holiday away from my children. I love them very much but they are with me all.the.time.

My husband is stressed and depressed, I am just fed up of the daily humdrum and the tantrums and rudeness from 10yr old.

I want to take my husband away for some us time. But we have nobody who would care for the children. Not even for a few hours.

I know this is probably a very first world problem and I know I've probably just got to suck it up but just in case, anyone got any ideas?

This is what we do, choose a day where kids are in wraparound childcare so you've got the full 8-6 day, then get the kids McDs or pizza for dinner, pack them off to bed asap (bribe the eldest to stay upstairs for the evening) and open a bottle of wine.

I don't mean this to be a smug perfect family post, because trust me, we absolutely are not!

But I never wanted to go away without my children when they were in the 6 to 10 age bracket. When they were toddlers, probably yes, and when they were grumpy teenagers - definitely yes! It's never been an option for us as we are also one of the millions of families who can't rely on family childcare. So we all went on holiday together and usually it turned out absolutely lovely.

The question really is why is your 10 year old so hard to be around? Are they actually? Or do you/your husband have unrealistic expectations?

Bore off

Hear, hear.

Hello

I’m an Ofsted registered, self employed nanny, and I do ad-hoc proxy parenting, where I’ move in for the weekend with the children for you to go away.

We do exist! I work 45 full weeks a year (24/7 ) and am booked well in advance.

you’re looking at around £350/24h for proxy parenting plus expenses (entry fees, food, etc)

I’m in West Yorkshire.

If you want links to agencies elsewhere, feel free to message.

I hope you find someone. It is SO hard when you have no family help - we have 4 (now adult) children, and my husband is a shift worker. We had NO help at all.

Sign them up to beavers / cubs. At least two weekends a year they'll be on camp

I would say you are in the minority, who wouldn't want a nice weekend or trip away with their other half of they could manage it.
Some kids are hard to be around, my 12 year old hit the grumpy teen stage early and she is a nightmare.
The kids probably are just normal annoying levels but when you get no rest from them it can be alot

My kids are absolutely fine to be around (most of the time!) wanting time alone with my husband is not a reflection on them, but I value time alone with DH.

Childcare.co.uk Find a qualified nanny in your area

Book Crieff Hydro. The childcare is astoundingly good.

You get 2 slots a day. Pop them in the morning slot, spend the afternoon together as a family then feed them at the children's tea, pop them back into childcare from 6-9pm whilst you eat dinner then collect and bed. Get a family room with bunk beds 'around the corner'.

Well cheers for that.

How fucking dare you ask people to "be gentle" and then reply to a considered reply on your thread with "bore off"

???

Tantrums and rudeness from the 10 year old, whining from the younger child, interrupting their parents' conversation with inane questions - this is bad behaviour, not normal behaviour. The ten year old in particular should know better.

We have no one to help. My youngest is a covid baby so was quite clingy. She’s in nursery 4 days xx a week now, happy. We approached nursery staff in the hope of getting a babysitter. Then we found out that one of the nursery employees committed sexual offences . She had cleared all checks etc. so we decided that these are people we don’t know properly. So we haven’t been out for 2years without kids

How fucking dare you ask people to "be gentle" and then reply to a considered reply on your thread with "bore off"

She laid out how she was feeling, and you thought starting a post with "I don't mean to sound smug...." was going to end well, what were you expecting from your reply honestly? Your response was patronising, dismissive and judgemental (and yes, smug) I would have used stronger words than bore off to you tbh.

I haven’t had a night off in 7 years, but I’m a lone parent. I would give anything for a break but my kids have additional needs and babysitter aren’t possible. I feel very envious of those that have supportive family that will take their kids for breaks.

How on earth did her dbs not flag this up

@Blondeshavemorefun the offences happened after. She worked there for 4 years before arrest, which makes me think I can’t trust anyone

Use sitters.co.uk

There you can find baby sitters in your area. They have criminal background checks and very often even qualifications. Very often they are nursery workers or nurses that do babysitting as a part-time job.

We paid a known and trusted local teacher (social friend) to live in and look after the children (and livestock) while DH and I were away for a week +. She was very glad of the money, she and the kids already knew each other, it worked perfectly.

I've also paid housesitters (again. a local [
person I knew) to live in for two weeks and look after the dogs and livestock.

I paid well, our kids were sensible and easy, we had a lovely home in a beautiful location.

Omg I had no idea this was a thing!!

Recommendations would be superb please if possible.

I am totally willing to save to pay for this especially as we would be able to holiday in term time.

Brownies/Cubs etc might be the thing although tricky if you want them away at the same time for your time together.

You could go on holiday which has holiday clubs possibly I’m not sure how they work, I guess it’ll be only during the day but you’d have a change of scenery.

Scary

Tho I've always said the dbs is only as good as the day it's done

I’d get a short term nanny for a few months which covers a holiday for you and your DH. It would also give you some respite from all childcare all of the time. Maybe you could find someone really nice who could help you for say 3 months and then in future maybe they could do short stints if it worked well. You could also ask dc’s friends’ parents if they could have them for a weekend etc but I’d find that more stressful than the nanny set up and I’d feel I was burdening them. hope you feel less crappy soon! Xxx